To speak to school about this

[Iamthecatsmother]

Hello, I don't have any kind of support with my dcs so I'm seeking the wisdom of mumsnet.

My DS is 12. He has high functioning ASD. He's a very anxious boy, really extreme anxiety. He will cower in fear sometimes. He's not violent at all and quite immature for his age. Hes quite clingy to me, I'm trying to encourage him to be independent. He struggles with social situations. He gets 20 hours support at MS school. He's been badly bullied at school in the past and we have moved to a new area now. He's just started secondary school. It's a small school with a good reputation for SEN issues.

I've sent a few emails to school over the first few weeks about issues that DS was having. His keyworker told me to 'back off'. So I did, thinking that school know best. I don't want to interfere.I don't have any idea what's going on in school as DS tells me nothing. Over half term he's been telling me a few things. Today he has been telling me that four other boys were goading him during break time, trying to get him to run whilst filming him on their phones. DS thinks they were then going to post it on line. DS tells me he's a laughing stock at school.

Given that school have told me to take a step back, am I justified to speak to the school about this? I'm a worrier anyway but I'm quite concerned about this? What do you think? Or am I getting it out of proportion? I don't want to make things worse

I would definitely speak to them. You have a right to be heard, no matter how trivial it might or might not be.
Children with anxiety are constantly overlooked in a school setting and it isn't looked into enough.
Your son has a right to have his emotional and anxiety needs met.

Of course you're justified, you are your child's voice and his advocate. TBH unless I was contacting the school everyday about every small thing I would be very pissed off at them telling me to take a step back, your ds is unable to communicate these things himself so why shouldn't you do so on his behalf I do with my dd and her school are always grateful for it (also asd &a anxiety)

She told you to "back off"? I sincerely hope those weren't her exact words!

My son has AS and I have needed to speak to the school about relationships with other children etc. They have always been supportive and I would jolly well expect them to be. Yes, they need to grow in independence but children with social communication difficulties need help with, well, social communication don't they?

If the key worker is unhelpful then bypass her and speak directly to the SENCO. I always do this anyway as DS key worker is a bit of a damp squib. If the SENCO is unhelpful point out that they are required to work in partnership with parents.

Thank you for your replies. I'm grateful to you. Her exact words were 'take a step back'. I want to, I want him to be independant etc but he can't do it yet!! He clings to me where school is concerned. I just didn't know if her reaction was typical of secondary school as I'm new to it as DS is my eldest.

Put your concerns in writing to the Senco.