Yes, it's an AIBU. Blimey this site is massive - is there an idiot's guide. Anyway, now that I'm here, I'll post and see what happens.
Ok, so I work part-time from home, employed by a small company which is run by the owner. This is my 8th year in the job. Mainly really enjoy it as it fits round my kids / school etc (eldest has special needs, so life can be complicated and I like to be based at home for him). It's in the cultural sector and uses my skills / knowledge / passion so I've been mainly quite fulfilled.
There's the boss, and two other women, whom I shall name X and Y who do the same job as me, but with a different client list. We all work remotely so don't meet often but the 3 of us worked together in a previous job and remained in touch / would consider ourselves friends. It's a small world in our line of work. Me, X and Y all have kids. Boss doesn't.
The one thing that winds me up no end, though, is colleague X's attitude towards staff leave. She has a partner who works freelance and their annual summer holiday always has to fit around what he's doing (so that he can work AND have a holiday - they take a family holiday near the festival he works at). For the first 4 or 5 years of the job, X always got in there first with holiday request, which the boss approved, and which went into the diary without discussion. Leaving me to fit around. (Back in the early days there were only the 2 of us - me and X plus Boss). My own family life during those years was so incredibly shit (on brink of divorce, struggling with my son's needs) that I didn't want to go on holiday anyway, so on a practical level it didn't matter and I fitted in around X. Then I perked up a bit and 3 years ago played X at her own game and asked for leave almost a year in advance and got it (legitimate excuse being that we needed to plan / book early to make sure we got accommodation etc that suited our son's needs). But I felt bad as I don't think asking for holiday should be 'first come, first served' and there should be some fairer, more reasonable way of sorting it out (although, I confess, I'm not sure what that is).
I'll add at this point that Boss doesn't want to be bothered by problems, just solutions. She's very generous in many ways, and has been understanding of some of my needs for my family, but seems to have no desire to sort out a proper system for agreeing holiday. I've brought it up on a number of occasions, in person and in writing, trying to be reasonable and not moany and Boss absolutely hates it and won't address the problem. We don't have official, documented appraisals.
So, the past year or so I've started suggesting to X and Y that we discuss our holiday needs between the 3 of us and see how we can accommodate each other. This is for all school holidays. We can't all 3 be away at the same time as we have to cover one another's work, but 2 of us could be away at the same time. I can tell X didn't like having to reveal her plans and it's probably made her quite nervous. Y never really says very much and is trying to stay out of the conflict. I tried to lead by example, so this half-term I said, for example, 'I'd like to take this day off - does that work for everyone?'
Then today I get back to work after a long weekend and there's an email from X saying that she needs to go on holiday next summer in these weeks, and so does Y and will that work? But phrased in a way that's telling me, rather than asking me. On the plus side, at least she's thinking about discussing it, but ultimately the outcome is the same - she expects to get what she wants. I'm also annoyed that X and Y spoke, and then told me what they're doing rather than having a 3-way discussion. Neither has spoken to the boss yet (who takes ages to answer holiday requests as she sticks her head in the sand).
Now I'll get to the point: AIBU unreasonable to be annoyed at having to fit around a colleague's husband's career? Boss seems to be on X's side. I'm sympathetic but think what her husband does is not my problem.
Thanks