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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU - Wedding gift

20 replies

vulgarbunting · 25/10/2016 18:37

I suspect I know what the outcome of this will be (IABU), but just wanted confirmation.

Myself and my DH have been invited to a friend's wedding in a few weeks. The same couple were invited to our wedding a couple of years ago. I don't know them fantastically well, but like the couple and see them a few times a year for dinner/drinks/catch up.

For our wedding the couple didn't give a gift at all. We had a (subtle - not mentioned in invitations!) gift list. They also forgot a card (though sent a text saying sorry they had forgotten - I wasn't chasing!), but sent it on later.

For info, both weddings will cost roughly the same to get to/stay over at etc. We can afford a gift. But so could they (don't ask me how as I dont want to go into too much detail, but I know their financial position).

IABU (and super petty) to not give them a gift, as they didn't give us one? I suspect the answer is yes.

OP posts:

myownprivateidaho · 25/10/2016 18:39

Yeah, it would be petty not to give a gift just because they didn't. Gifts aren't compulsory at weddings you know!

IPreferCatstoPeople · 25/10/2016 18:40

Do what you like! Take a nice card and leave it on the gift table and move on.

GentlyGentlyOhDear · 25/10/2016 18:43

Just get them a card and bottle of fizz? I wouldn't go all out getting anything expensive or fancy, but I am known to hold a grudge

cappy123 · 25/10/2016 18:49

If the only reason you wouldn't give them one is because they didn't give you one, I'd reassess the friendship. I'd rather have a gift of friendship / company than 'stuff' - but that's just me. Am about to post separately about difficulty accepting gifts actually, opposite problem!

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 25/10/2016 18:55

Of course you should get them a gift. It's a WEDDING . Why would you not want to give a beautiful gift to someone getting married?

Softkitty2 · 25/10/2016 19:05

It is better to give than to receive. You dont give to expect something in return.

TaterTots · 25/10/2016 19:07

Why would you not want to give a beautiful gift to someone getting married?

I just snorted at that on a crowded train.

Whocansay · 25/10/2016 19:07

I know what you mean. Just get them a card and a cheap gift. It's nearly Xmas, so fizz will be on offer...

Matchingbluesocks · 25/10/2016 19:07

I wouldn't really worry about it to be honest. I'm sure they won't care either way, they sound scatty

SheldonCRules · 25/10/2016 19:15

Take a card and a bottle of wine and rise above it.

Yes they were rude not to bring a gift but maybe they forgot or took offence at a wedding list. Lots of people hate them.

Tiptoethr0ughthetulips · 25/10/2016 19:23

Do you 100% know they didn't get you a gift? Could it have been misplaced. My friend had a post box at her wedding and a number of envelopes were stolen from it. I also had £20 stolen from my purse at same wedding (since I stupidly left handbag on chair whilst dancing).

Blodplod · 25/10/2016 20:28

Second the 'are you sure they didn't get you a gift' - only because there were a few people that didn't get us a gift.. Don't get me wrong, I seriously (seriously!) couldn't care less who did or didn't. But. I wanted to write a personal thank you to all those who did gift and personally thank them for the actual gift rather than a blasé thank you. Think, 'thank you Auntie Marjory for the lovely salad tongs' type of thank you card.. Doing this, highlighted a few people that didn't get a gift. 1 person was no surprise, the 2nd person was the best man who to this day hasn't found 'just the right thing' the 3rd was a friend who I just knew would have got me a gift.. The problem was I couldn't thank her for something I didn't get! So so awkward! She also wrote me a fantastic thank you card thanking me for inviting her to wedding and what a great day she had and I couldn't write back to thank you for the gift I didn't receive, nor could I pretend in case she actually didn't get me one.. It's been one of life's great quandaries.. Don't be petty, get a gift and enjoy the day. I still agonise over the situation years later and pretty certainly a guest or some cheeky sod from the venue stole the gift

T0ldmywrath · 25/10/2016 20:50

Blodplod Blimey, I don't know about you wondering all these years later, I think I'm going to wonder on your behalf, too.

OP -just give them a card & think nothing further of it.

PuppyMonkey · 25/10/2016 20:56

"Of course you should get them a gift. It's a WEDDING . Why would you not want to give a beautiful gift to someone getting married"

Is that aimed at the OP or the cheapskates who came to her wedding and didn't give anything?

RubbishMantra · 25/10/2016 20:56

Card and a good bottle of something. (not urine )

YorkieDorkie · 25/10/2016 20:57

If I didn't give a gift for a wedding then I fully wouldn't expect to receive one. However, if I didn't receive one I would still give one but that's just me! Recently it's all been couples asking for money so really it's all moot in that situation anyway!!

MrsHam13 · 25/10/2016 20:58

Could of been an oversight.

I went to a wedding in July. Wrote the card on the train and forgot to put the cash in. If I hadnt of looked down on my lap and seen the cash I could of easily stood up and not seen it fall so therefore not noticed the cash wasn't in the card.

I'd give them something.

NerrSnerr · 25/10/2016 20:59

Give what you'd usually give, a bottle of wine or whatever.

We have a similar wedding mystery. We were due to pay the wedding disco equipment on the day, it was about £150. The next day my husband realised he didn't pay and still had the cash in his pocket. We called the guy and he told us a guest paid his wife. No one has owned up to it. We asked all parents, best man, best friends and everyone denies it. He came at 2am which reduces who it could be, but who has £150 in cash at the end of a very drunken wedding?

OwlinaTree · 25/10/2016 20:59

I'd leave it. They are presumably not too bothered about wedding gifts!

Liara · 25/10/2016 21:02

Maybe they don't like gifts?

I don't like giving or receiving gifts. If there is an explicit 'please find attached the wedding gift list' I will pick out something at random, but if there isn't or if it says gifts are not necessary I won't.

If they don't mention gifts in their invite, then I wouldn't bother.

I didn't even know you were supposed to give a card as well, never done that.

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