To be in a massive grump

[theguiltymother1]

Let me set the seen.

DH works full time on his own business, self employed. It's profitable, we split the profits as I am shareholder and do accounts and other admin. He works away from the house mon - fri, leaves at 7.30 am returns at just before 6pm. Never works evenings.

I work 1.5 (weekdays) a week in quite well paid job plus do approx 1 day a week other freelance work (some paid some unpaid for friends etc / own projects) I also do all our business admin, VAT returns, annual returns, expenses, payments. This takes up approx 3hrs a week, often done in evening.

We are ok for money but not really 'well off'

In terms of childcare and chores. DC1 is at school, DC2 in childcare 3 days a week. DC1 goes to after school club if I am in office otherwise usually comes home and watches TV if I still need to work.

I do almost all drop off or pick ups unless I specifically say I have an early meeting / late one and then DH will do it, that's approx once a fortnight.

I do all household chores and most cooking, he does tidy up kitchen after eating and takes bins out, will empty dishwasher and he also does his own washing (and never puts away...) but no other washing. He does no other tidying / cleaning so recently I got a cleaner, I wanted once a week but he said waste of money so we got every fortnight for 3 hours. It's quite a big house but 3 hrs is a help but I would estimate I spend 2-3 hours a day minimum cleaning, washing up, tidying and doing washing, cooking for all. House is never clean or that tidy I should add!

I also do almost life admin, I organise the payment of bills, I do the online shop, I buy the kids clothes, I do all school organising (trips, lunch money, after school payment). I also sort out all car maintenance, take in for service etc and organise any home 'jobs' that need doing. DH does the odd bit of DIY out of choice ad hoc and also does mow lawn in summer. I do other gardening when I can (rarely). I sort out all medical appointments (DC1 has non serious condition requiring appointment 4 x year). I buy new shoes, I sort hair cuts and uniform. I don't iron as I can't find time. I book holidays, train tickets, trips etc, I clean car or take to car valet.

DH is absolutely wonderful with our kids, in the eve he comes home (they've been fed normally unless I am working late) often baths them and then puts one to bed / plays. He also is often the first to get up in the night if they wake (this is wonderful I know). He also takes them to clubs on the weekend so I can tidy the house (again) but he's started saying it's too tricky to take both out...he would rather take one at a time!!! But in all honesty he does no more. He thinks he's very helpful and does all he can but I can't help feeling my to do list is never ending and I'm constantly stressed out and fed up. I am being taken advantage of or do I have it easy?

I'm quite an optimist and often compare life to those I know have it much much harder so would never say I'm hard done by but just really wondering how people split these things out? Should I be doing what feels like almost everything because I'm effectively getting half a day 'to myself' a week plus 2 full days where I care for a non napping 1.5yr old and do school runs etc for the other 5 yr old? DH's argument is always that I have more time but It doesn't feel that way at all. I also feel the time I do have with my kids is never fun, I'm always needing to do other jobs...

This has come to ahead today as DC2 is ill (second time in a fortnight) so no childcare and of course I'm here looking after. I had booked today off anyway because I wanted to have a special day with DC1 whilst DC2 was away but that's had to be cancelled.

AIBU to feel unhappy? Does anyone have any awesome life balancing tricks / willing to share how you share chores out? I feel like the balance just gets worse and worse in our house...

[tofutti]

We both work out of the house full time, our life admin and everything else is sorted out by me, dh does ironing and puts dcs to bed, I do all cleaning, I'm pregnant and don't have a cleaner, your split sounds pretty fair to me.

Wriggly - in exchange for all cleaning your DH only does ironing and bedtime? Sounds like a good deal for him. Who does the cooking?

[Blu]

So you work outside the home 3 days a week and have care of the toddler on the other 2 days, and do ALL the cooking , shopping, cleaning and headspace stuff?

It does seem a lot, if he has a proper lunch hour in which he is able to go to the gym . How are your lunch hours spent on your work days ?

It seems that as much as the work, you are feeling taken for granted . I would make a timetable showing who does what during the week . Interesting that he recognises that sole care of 2 kids when out and about is hard work when he does it, and views it as fun when you do it during the week .

It may be attitude as much as actual time and jobs: a timetable and list of jobs will help you analyse.

[theguiltymother1]

Generally I am out of the house in the office (client office) 1 of 2 days a week, the third day I work at home. All other work / jobs are done on the two days I'm with my toddler generally although on the day I work from home I generally do some washing and the odd bit of admin too.

When I'm at the client office I don't take a lunch break really, partly as too busy but mainly so I can get home earlier to pick kids up.

I think we just need to divvy things up more, someone commented about not bothering tidying up throughout the day and I think that's a good point plus teaching my 5yr old to tidy which we are both useless at. DH is not v ridy really (im not brilliant myself!) but he doesn't set a good example as leaves clothes lying around etc and I think it's a bad example. He's less messy in the kitchen but I'll speak to him about it! We basically need to be more organised but I just get sick of it all being 'in my head' alongside the pressures of work too. I do feel a bit like I've got the worst of both worlds but I love that I get two days with my toddler / days when I can pick my 5yr old up and would feel sad to give that up. I could easily go back to work full time or possibly 4 days but I feel that might be harder as I would end up still doing all of the above and working more (although would be better off...)