To think it's not my responsibility to sort out

[streetylight]

A new member of staff started 6 months ago, she completely ignores me. She only treats me this way. I have absolutely no idea why. I've tried so hard to get on with her but every time I'm given the silent treatment. It has affected our work and others have picked up on the bad atmosphere.

I recently decided enough was enough and I don't deserve to be treated this was, so I went to speak to our boss. I didn't mention the person by name as I wanted to no come across as petty etc but it was clear my boss wasn't interested anyway. I explained how it has affected work and our boss agreed it was unprofessional and that they expect people to leave problems at the door. But our boss said they couldn't get involved and told me to basically sort it out myself, even suggesting I confront the person ignoring me!

Does anyone think it's my bosses responsibility to sort this out?

I read something about health and safety at work-
"Employers have to take reasonable steps to ensure the health, safety and welfare of their employees at work."

I've found the whole situation very stressful and it's caused a lot of anxiety. I've actually felt quite ill because of it. I really want things to improve not get worse. If I thought confronting this person would help I'd of done it 6 months ago.

Do you have friends there who would back you up if you did say something to her? The best time to say something is when it's happening - can you make sure there's always someone supportive with you?

You sound a little immature OP. Not a dig, just an observation.

Genuine advice (and I manage a large team 250+) is to make a record of when this stops you doing your job and not simply makes your life a little uncomfortable. After a few week with numerous examples, email the list to your boss, including stating how you have tried to mitigate this* and request a meeting between you and your boss.

In the meeting, explain it's negatively impacting your work and see his reaction there.

*asking her if there's an issue, asking her to elaborate on her "1 word answers" etc

I've had someone shouting at me in the middle of the office. The person's manager didn't want to know, even tho it contravenes our workplace ethics. I just had to deal with it (actually, it turns out she's a very nice person, she has been massively stressed at work and I'm a friendly, benign face, so she vented at me. Heyho

You may find there's a story behind the behaviour. Not saying you need to uncover what the story is, just that 99.99% of people are OK, so don't make the mistake of making her "the bad one". She's probably OK

Organisations can make us all ghastly at times

Username, gosh I admire you having to manage that many people! Do you ever sleep?

In honesty, I don't like the idea of the OP cataloging and sending everything to her manager in writing. It's the stuff of HR nightmares and added workplace stress.

I think the OP may find when she analyses her feelings, it's less about being held back from doing her job and more about the frustration of someone else's "agenda" not aligning to her's. Everyone's job comes with its own Agenda.

I tend to find confrontation is less effective than keeping ones head below the parapet- It gives more space for informal 'negotiation' and collaboration even tho it takes more patience! Sort of " don't fight fire with fire"

I've been at work with a bulky before - in the end I confronted her about it and we had a meeting kinda cleared the air but she was still a cow! She tried to take credit for the meeting and clearing the air when it was all my idea as the work environment was horrible! She had a power complex and was trying to he the boss when she wasn't qualified and it annoyed her. I had power over h&s as I was the appointed co-ordinator and she hated that she had to report to me for that! She tried to call me out over h&s sometimes with no joy lol! She was actually even reported to the management by a colleague for bullying attitude towards me aswell! She eventually left but not before I nearly strangled her at times but Def talking to her and calling her out on it helped the situation a bit

She has undermined me a couple of times and completely ignored me talking many times. I'm not trying to be her friend, I just want to do my job the best I can and that involves communication to and from her sometimes. We are a small team and she is the only one being strange towards me. Unless I talk it would be silence. I'm lucky to get one word replies but even they are followed by dirty looks. I did give my boss examples of how this has affected my work but still I'm expected to sort out this person, it's not my job to do that.

I'm a headmistress, the school's large: for 3 year olds to IB students. No, haven't slept properly for years*.

Hopefully, keeping a log will allow the OP to either:

• see that her job isn't being affected and it's simply a childish annoyance

• see that her work is being affected and find a resolution.

I'd suggest that having evidence will elevate her above a whiny annoyance (not that she is, but she doesn't want to come across that way) to someone with a mature attitude who's expecting someone senior to her to justify their salary.

*except for yesterday. Yesterday was fucking brilliant!

Talk to the rest of the team individually. I assume you are friendly enough with them. Ask them if they've noticed the person being weird with you and what would be their advice on how to handle it. That gets it more in the open. You can exchange glances with other team members when she behaves like this rather than suffering in silence. It is very likely that other team members will have a word with her or pull her up on it or just clearly react in a way that shows they think she's out of order (even if only by exchange of glance and eyebrow raise with you).

Basically, if she is a bully, she will continue behaving like this while it puts her in a more powerful position, which it is doing now.

She will stop when the team start looking down on her for doing it because that diminishes her power.

Groups sticking together really can defeat low level bitchy bullies with very little action.

With respect, this is currently playground level squabbling. You don't know what her problem is and haven't asked her what's going on. This is your problem to sort out in the first instance. Not your manager's.

so OP if you go up to this person and ask a question that impacts your job

random example "Could you send me the data for the Invasion of the Pumpkins" - would she simply say "yes", give you a glare and then send it?

I think that's annoying but you have to deal with it.

If she pretends you haven't asked, she is being rude. If she doesn't send the data, then she's impeding you doing your job.

streety "Unless I talk it would be silence."

Also, why is that bad?

I also don't understand what's wrong with working in silence.

Mrs "Apart from the practicalities of not being able to discuss work it also puts everyone on edge."

hence my question - I can't tell from the posts if she is actually refusing to answer any questions or have essential work conversations. If she is, that's a huge problem.

If it's a small team and there would be silence if you didn't talk then presumably no one else talks either? Maybe she just likes to crack on with being disturbed?

We really need streetylight to come back and answer people's direct questions, or all we can do is respond based on our presumptions.

I have answered questions, what else needs answering?

I think people are wondering in what particular contexts she ignores you. So if you ask her, 'could you please get me the information on X that we need for our project?' she:

• doesn't acknowledge you at all and doesn't give you the information (which is a big problem)

• gives you the information without acknowledging your request (which is odd & unsettling, but a bit less of an issue than the first option as at least the work's getting done, and you can always gently nudge her for a response)

• says 'sure', with a bit of an attitude, but gives you the information (which is irritating, but, again, the work's getting done).

If she's ignoring requests for work, that's an issue your manager may need to be involved in. If you simply find her a bit surly, this may be something you either need to suck up or try to address with her directly.

Also what sort of relationship are you meant to have in terms of your relative positions on the team? If she feels it's not her job to get you the information on X in the first place, I can understand she may behave less than charmingly about it.

Can you explain what you mean by not talking to you?
If you don't say who the problem is with how do you expect your boss to sort it out?
Work related questions or General chat?
I'm not sure I see the relevance if health and safety law to this - what impact does this have on your work?
What did you expect your manager to do?
What do you mean by "ignores"? If you ask her a direct work related question does she refuse to answer? Or is she just not chatty and friendly with you like she is with others?
Is she rude, or unpleasant to you or does she just not wish to engage?

etc.

these are just copied and pasted from a few posts as examples of questions posters have asked that I can't see that you have answered, hence me suggesting it might be helpful to the thread - and therefore what people might suggest - if these things were all clearer.