To not leave DSS an equal share.

[Firsttimer82]

So I have been married for 3 years, my DH has a son that is 17 and we have DS who is almost a year. DSS is lovely and we have a great relationship. I actually have a better relationship with him than DH but we see him about every month for a few days and have a great time.

When we got married I brought a house to the relationship and DH although hard working brought some debt.

We have just had to make our wills and I am desperate that should/when we pop our clogs that no one is upset.

However I don't feel that both sons should get an equal share as essentially all the money has come from me (apart from DH's life insurance). We have decided to leave 25% of our estate to DSS. It would be enough for a house deposit for him. DS would obviously need a trust as he is still dependant and will be for a good while.

I know we are very unlikely to both die soon but I don't want there to be any trouble between brothers if we did. Has anyone else had experience of this?

AIBU to not leave them 50/50?

I don't think you're being unfair but would suggest that you look into leaving your DS' share in trust until he is an adult with a right to your DH to use it for life. Your DH then doesn't inherit that bit automatically but can live in the house.

Yanbu, it depends what's right for your family.

I have a stepdaughter and am currently pregnant with my first child. DH and I got wills written shortly after we were married, and they state that all of our assets will be split equally between our kids, including DSD - so, presuming we don't have any more kids, everything will be split 50:50 between the two of them. I'm happy with this because I do see DSD as 'mine' - maybe since I've known her since she was a toddler, I don't know. And she doesn't have much contact at all with her mum, so I'm not sure whether she will inherit there.

I know where you are coming from dh has two siblings. His dad remarried years ago and his wife has a 40 year old son who is a complete arse hole. Been in prison for assault and hardly worked a day in his life. He now works because fil and his wife bought a shop and employed him and he lives in the attached house. Fil is in his 70s with dementia and there is a good chance if he dies first that his wife will inherit everything (he is very well off) and then it will all go to her son when she dies. Nothing that we can do but hopefully fil set up his will well.

I think you need specialist legal advice, to be honest.

DH has a grown-up daughter and we have a young son.

Our wills are:

everything left to each other.
If we both die, everything goes in trust for DS presuming he is still underage.
When DS is 18, Trust is wound up and everything at that point is split between the two DCs.

DH and I have built our money together, so it is a wee bit different to your situation, I'm not trying to protect previous money. But essentially the money needs to look after the underage child; the overage child can get their cut when he is grown.

We have gone to some expensive legal lengths to ensure that any wives or dependants our DSs may acquire will not have any access to our sons' inheritance. . Everything will remain with the 'bloodline'. Should a DS die before his (currently non-existant DW) we have prevented his inheritance disappearing away from our own grandkids.

I have a dsd, dh's half is going between 3, mine between 2. She'll get the full share from her mum, she won't go without.

Much as I love my DH, I would never trust a partner to do the right thing by our DS in the event of my death. Who's to say he wouldn't meet a new partner, with her own children, marry her and then change his will either cutting down or out altogether our DS' share.

We have made individual wills that leave each of us with a life interest in property (and the right to sell said property to fund a smaller one suitable for say retirement) but the property remains in our DS name. The bulk of any cash is also ringfenced and held in trust for DS.

Going against the grain, but this is the sort of thing that causes rifts in families for generations.Have seen it So many times! there is nothing like a will for making families fall out! Have you thought how upsetting it will be for your DSS that his father is treating his sons so differently.If you are married then you have promised to share your worldly goods.

It's not their father treating them differently though it.

Half if the house is ops, she can do what she wants with it!

Oh and yes you promise to share your worldly goods with each other, not each other's children.

his father is treating his sons so differently

But he's not. He's treating his dc equally, splitting his half between them. Op is not, because it's her 50% and they are not both her dc.

I had three step sons one I get on fine with, one I loved and he lived with me until he died and one I loathe. We have three children between us. As the years have gone by we have regularly changed our wills to suit the circumstances. Only my three children get anything from us now three equal shares. My eldest step son is married with a good business so does not need anything and the other one we don't see. My eldest son has MH problems a heart condition and autism so if his siblings do well in life I may ask them if they will agree he gets a bigger share to make sure he is cared for when we die. There is no right or wrong only what suits your family.

Difficult one, I'm actually in the opposite position ... I brought nothing monetary wise into the relationship whereas DH had enough for a decent deposit for a house, along with various other investments.

We both had a 4 year old child, who lived with us 90% of the time.

However when I moved in with him, I spent the next 4 years managing his investments, including a few buy to key properties. Within that 4 years I increased his income and investments by a large amount, resulting in him selling his portfolio for a very nice amount of money.

About 2 years into this we got married. The week before, DH changed his will so that I would be looked after and after that his estate would be split 50/50 between his child and mine.

As far as he was concerned we were a family of 4 from that point on and neither child was ever treated differently than the other by either of us.

I cannot tell you how much that meant to me

I have 3 step children and two bio children. Dh is 80 and I am 72. When we married all 5 dc were teens. Our will leaves everything split 5 ways with only personal items for individuals. We are a family.

It's a tricky situation, but I think you should do what would be in the best interests of the relationship of those left living.

My dad died leaving 4 grown up children - 2 to his widow (including me) and 2 to his ex-wife. Everything was left to my mum though an equal amount of money was 'gifted' to each child while he was still alive. I thought my mum had made a new will leaving everything divided equally between the 4 of us. But I later found out that the house has been left to me and my full sibling. She is unsure whether to change this and I've told her it's up to her, but I'd rather it was split equally too. None of us live in her area so it would be sold and I'd prefer, for sibling relations, for all of us to receive an equal amount. I get on very well with all my siblings, my mum is still in their lives even though our dad has been dead for years, and I would much rather we all be treated equally in the sad event of her death.

Thank you so much for your advice and stories. I will contact the Will writers to insure that if I die DS still gets my half of everything. Its very complex isn't it!

Its more about them not arguing after we are gone really, or no one getting upset. Maybe we should talk to DSS about it so he is aware. May parents have always been open about their wills.