To think telling people to exercise or eat more/less is not ok?

[Thefitfatty]

Myself and my 2 co-workers have just been moved to new offices on the 4th floor. Our VP just came up to see us and said to my one co-worker who is obese (in front of myself, 2 other co-workers and a student who was present) that he was ordering him to no longer take the elevator and he has to walk up the four flights of stairs. My other co-worker and I were mortified on his behalf. I mean, despite the VP laughing while he said it, there was nothing funny about it. It was humiliating.

Why do people think it's ok to comment on others bodies or habits? I just don't get it, what do they hope to achieve from it?

And this isn't just about people who are obese being shamed, I had a good friend who struggled with anorexia and people would always comment on her eating and tell her to eat more. Um, she would have if she could!

AIBU to think there is never an ok or appropriate time to comment on an adults exercise or eating habits?

yeah that is shit. It falls under bullying behaviour and HR should be all over it. It doesn't matter what the intent of the comment was, it matters how the victim received it.

Patronizing and insulting in the extreme

Personally I think we've been sold the idea that very thin is ideal for too long and I'm glad to see more regular sized models/actresses and actors making an appearance.

I completely agree that actresses from the 60s were a lot healthier and attractive (think Ursula Andress in her swimsuit in Bond movie). I prefer modern actors because they are more toned nowadays.

But back to the thread, my point was that it's not ok to insult someone at work because it's rude, full stop. Not because being obese is an acceptable lifestyle.

Wow. No that isn't on at all. And to those with DPs who are making comments about their weight, that is horrible too.
It's bad to be bullied and shamed regardless of who it is, but in the case of the OP her co-worker sounds like there is nothing he can do about it. He cannot risk rocking the boat and losing his job. As someone else said I would make a note of it, write as much as you can remember down, time & date, exactly what was said. Keep a copy for yourself and give a copy to your co-worker. Nothing can be done this time if your co-worker or you don't feel able to report it, but it can be brought up in the future if this VP makes more comments. Does the VP know much about the co-worker? I mean the co-worker could have health issues that means that taking the stairs isn't possible or even dangerous... Or a health issue that made him overweight in the first place then went unchecked. He could now be losing weight because a condition is being managed... Rather than just typical dieting and exercise.
As for the DP's, that aren't so D... Do you feel able to say something? If not or if they don't care I think you need to ask yourself if this is a running theme in your relationships and if this is how you want to be treated and if this is how (if you have them) you want your children to see adults treat each other in a relationship.

Jesus Christ, that's appalling. I really, really hope you can grab your friend and go for a coffee and mock the hell out of your ridiculous VP and his stupid comments. So hurtful!

Oh! LIGHTBULB!
If only some rude git had told me to eat less and exercise mroe I wouldn't be as fat as I am. The man is a bloody GENIUS!

NOT.

For fuck's sake. Only someone who's never struggled with their weight would think this was an appropriate thing to say. As if the person in question honestly has no clue of their size? I'd use my full heft to clobber him round the head for being so thick - OF COURSE WE KNOW! Most of us KNOW every minute of every day and are doing our best.

The situation descrobed in the OP makes me so angry.

The company should offer counselling for free for all staff. Completely confidential of course.

There's more to overweight that eating, if it was the norm for people to have counsellors they chatted to every so often this could help colleague work out the issues contributing to his weight gain.

Your VP was wrong to joke like this in an obvious attempt to shame someone but sometimes people need a jolly good kick up the arse and it may take a friend or family member taking them to one side and being blunt and to the point to get through to them.
So yes your right in this instance but no not everyone should just keep quiet about weight issues.

YANBU. Nobody should ever give unsolicited comments on someone's weight or lifestyle. So rude and potentially really hurtful.

There seems to be this idea between men that they don't mind 'bantering' with each other about their weight. My 3 closest work colleagues are male and although they would never dream of mentioning weight to me (I'm underweight and 2 of them know I have anorexia) I have been left speechless by what they say to each other. (eg, when one was up a scaffold tower and another directly underneath passing up bits of scenery - "oooh, that's not a good view. Easy on the biscuits, belly boy").

I wouldn't have thought comments are less hurtful to males than they are to females. Maybe they are but things definitely shouldn't be said unless the individuals know each other very well and know for certain they'll find it funny. This sounds like an unkind abuse of power.

Nasty. The VP is a piece of work, isn't he? I expect he's well aware that staff hoping to keep their jobs aren't going to feel able to complain.

sometimes people need a jolly good kick up the arse and it may take a friend or family member taking them to one side and being blunt and to the point to get through to them.

Bollocks. For every person who makes permanent healthy lifestyle changes as a result of a "kick up the arse" from family, there's probably another 99 who found it exacerbated their disordered eating (as in triggering comfort-eating, purging, fasting or yo-yo dieting).

but sometimes people need a jolly good kick up the arse and it may take a friend or family member taking them to one side and being blunt and to the point to get through to them.

Certainly that kind of bluntness had the opposite effect on me. My mothers' "kicks up the arse" have resulted in years of starve/binge and self hatred. So no, I don't agree.

There seems to be this idea between men that they don't mind 'bantering' with each other about their weight.

Maybe he didn't mind. However, my other co-worker, who is female and struggling with her weight right now as well, just came back and told me she took the stairs. Which makes me worried she took the comment to heart now...

I always thought companies prefer us to die young so they save on expensive pension scheme payouts.

Work colleagues, especially ones in a managerial role should never comment.

However i do think that people should think about stairs rather than lifts wherever possible and i hate the idea that companies should have an obligation to put on counseling. Physical reason not with-standing (like thyroid issues), your weight is your responsibility no one elses.

It's basically the equivalent of telling poor people to "just spend less and earn more" or alcoholics to "just don't drink the wine". It is theoretically simple but it's not easy in practice.

We've got told to take the stairs instead of the lift but it was to the whole company and was due to the lifts getting clogged up with everyone going 1 floor. Fair enough and obviously people who were physically incapable of it were let off.

I've worked places before where lift use was discouraged too - but as a general request to all staff, not singling out obese staff.

it seems fine for a workplace to have a culture of encouraging health but it need to apply to everyone, I wonder if the VP is a model of physical perfection?

Our workplace does try to encourage fitness and healthy eating, as we have researchers who study lifestyle diseases. But this was unnecessary.