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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

Which friend do we leave out?

24 replies

ILoveLouLou · 23/10/2016 14:45

My group of friends are trying to organise a holiday to celebrate big birthdays. We don't want to go away for long and we're trying to keep the cost down.

Out of our group of friends, 1 girl is a teacher. She obviously can only go in the summer holidays (Easter doesn't suit anyone).

Another friend is trying to get everyone to go in term time because it's cheaper. I know that money is tighter for her, so the suggestion was that we go to a cheaper hotel in the summer. She doesn't want to do this and will only come if it's term time.

(why can't adults be blinking adults at times?!)

OP posts:

myownprivateidaho · 23/10/2016 14:47

If you make a serious offer to go in holidays in a way that money limited friend can afford, and she decides she doesn't want that, then you're not leaving her out, she's choosing not to come. Def don't go term time just to accommodate her.

PotteringAlong · 23/10/2016 14:47

Go in the holidays. That way everyone CAN go, even if one person chooses not to. If you do it in term time you are deliberately excluding one person.

Allthewaves · 23/10/2016 14:49

I'd go in the holidays

gingerh4ir · 23/10/2016 14:49

the teacher cannotdo term time, the other friends doesn't want to do in the Summer. She has a choice which the teacher doesn't have....

Original poster

ILoveLouLou · 23/10/2016 14:50

Yes, she is choosing not to go, isn't she?

Teacher-friend has even suggested that we go a day or two early and she catches up with us. I think that's quite fair.

OP posts:

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 23/10/2016 14:53

Your teacher friend is being the bigger person here, good on her. Cash-strapped friend is being a whinger, you should absolutely all go in the summer holidays and whingy friend should not be able to dictate that things must go according to her plan.

If she chooses not to go with you all, meh.

DeathStare · 23/10/2016 14:59

How about going at May/June half term? Should be a bit cheaper than the summer holidays.

DanGleballs · 23/10/2016 15:03

For fairness sake you should go in the holidays. However if I was going away with the girls the last thing I would want would be to be in a hotel packed full of other people's kids.

SuperFlyHigh · 23/10/2016 15:13

Holidays even though it is more expensive.

Witchend · 23/10/2016 15:13

It depends whether she is genuinely strapped for cash or whether she would just not choose to spend it.
If the former, I think you could suggest everyone pops £20 (or something that seems suitable for the price) extra in to allow her to come (this time).
If it's the latter then just say it has to be holiday time.

mumofthemonsters808 · 23/10/2016 15:23

I'd go in the holidays but let the friend fly out earlier or let the teacher join the holiday later.

SpookyMooky · 23/10/2016 15:26

Half term if poss or look for first couple of days of hols when it may be slightly cheaper. I think it's really mean of your friend to be campaigning for a date her friend can't do and refuse to compromise on hotel quality for her. Does she not like teacher friend?

bigmouthstrikesagain · 23/10/2016 15:28

cant you go for a weekend instead? fri/sat night could be termtime then? I did a one night in barcelona with a couple of friends - fab time and very cheap! set off early hours sat morning and returned sunday evening.

bigmouthstrikesagain · 23/10/2016 15:29

we went in november but it was still warm enough to sight outside a bar in the eve/night

bigmouthstrikesagain · 23/10/2016 15:30

we went in November but it was still warm enough to sit outside a bar in the eve/night

flupi · 23/10/2016 15:30

As all the previous posters- go in the holidays. She's being selfish and thoughtless regarding the teacher. You could choose somewhere to go that isn't particularly child friendly/ orientated in the hope of avoiding busy children centred places. And maybe the price won't be too hyped up?

HereIAm20 · 23/10/2016 15:34

Has anyone checked that she hasn't got a job where she has to take term time holidays because all the parents who work there get first pick of the summer holidays. It might not just be the money.

LookMoreCloselier · 23/10/2016 15:43

We had a similar issue with our 30ths where one friend works in a school. So we chose a thurs - sunday break and 2 of us hung back and went on the friday with teacher friend.

GeorgeTheThird · 23/10/2016 15:48

Holidays but try to keep the budget down. The teacher friend might miss a couple of days but she is being reasonable about that. The other friend has a budget issue, not a dates issue. That ought to be resolvable in a way that means the teacher can still go.

SimonLeBonOnAndOn · 23/10/2016 15:52

Why don't you just do a weekend? Maybe a bank holiday weekend?
My friend is a teacher and this is what we do so that we can all go.

Notso · 23/10/2016 16:06

I'd be surprised if the teacher couldn't wangle a day off at least. Most teachers I know manage a day or two off here and there.

PurpleDaisies · 23/10/2016 16:19

I'd be surprised if the teacher couldn't wangle a day off at least. Most teachers I know manage a day or two off here and there.

Absolute nonsense. I don't know any school that would grant a teacher a day off for a holiday. Maybe your friends have had time off for close family weddings, funerals, unmoveable medical appointments or childcare emergencies. It is highly unusual for a head to allow days off just for holidays.

LadyConstanceDeCoverlet · 23/10/2016 16:22

How about sharing a holiday cottage to keep costs down rather than going to a hotel?

TaterTots · 23/10/2016 18:00

Has anyone checked that she hasn't got a job where she has to take term time holidays because all the parents who work there get first pick of the summer holidays. It might not just be the money

Surely she'd have said so?

Term time friend doesn't like teacher friend. She is deliberately excluding her with this plan.

Flip