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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU To wonder when people say they never leave their dogs....

52 replies

Fargesia · 23/10/2016 09:45

unattended with their DC, how this is even possible when said dog lives in the family home? Surely it is impossible to guarantee that you are always closely supervising. I can't imagine that people take the dog or child with them every time they go to another part of the house to do something. I assume that it is something dog owners just say without it really being true.

OP posts:

miserablemoo · 23/10/2016 10:49

I have never left my dog with the kids and he is the most lovely dog and I don't think he would ever do anything to hurt them. He adores them. BUT he is an animal and I just won't take that risk. My kids are old enough to know how to behave with him (8yrs and and 5yrs) but it just takes a split second for something to go wrong and if anything did happen I would completely blame myself for putting my kids and the dog in that situation. He follows me everywhere. If I can't watch him he goes in the kitchen where he has his bed and toys and in nice weather access to a secure garden.

wendytorrence · 23/10/2016 10:51

My dogs are left alone now my DC's are older. We only had one dog when they were little and she either came with me or went in her crate. She's a SBT, we now also have a 'rat dog' and to be honest I'd trust my staffy more than him with children.

BigDamnHero · 23/10/2016 10:52

Easy: baby gates.

Branleuse · 23/10/2016 11:00

I dont see how its possible either, and I think people when asked this question directly are likely to not be entirely truthful

kat360 · 23/10/2016 11:03

I've got 4 kids and 3 dogs, Two are pugs and they follow me everywhere. The other is a border collie cross labrador who is old and grumpy, I just bought a dog gate which is taller than a normal baby gate. He could jump normal size gates, not to mention my 2yo found a way to climb over normal size gates.

NoIsAnAnswer · 23/10/2016 11:04

Do you have a dog op?

What's your experience?

6demandingchildren · 23/10/2016 11:04

One of my dogs sits outside the bathroom of I'm in there. I really don't see how a dog is never left alone.
My Gsd roams the house at night and checks on everyone the sbt sleeps on the sofa as her snoring is vile and the Choc lab sleeps on the floor next to dh side of the bed.

SunriseOctober · 23/10/2016 11:08

Our dog is wonderful with people and children, but no, he is never left alone with our children. I trust him, but I don't like the very tiny risk that something could happen if they were to startle him or make him momentary fearful.
So it's simple, he comes with me. To the toilet, upstairs when i'm cleaning, in the back garden. He goes into the kitchen with the door closed if I don't want a companion with whatever task i'm doing. The kids never enter the kitchen when he's in there alone, they know to wait for me.
They don't grab or poke the dog, they don't take food from him or toys. They stroke him gently and with supervision (just me sat in the same room) and don't try to push him around.

He's a very tall saluki cross, he adores them and every person we meet - because all his interactions with people have been positive, calm events. He is not food or toy aggressive in the least and doesn't jump up.
It sounds like we live in fear, we don't, we don't even think about it to be honest as it comes naturally. The dog himself likes to follow me everywhere so he's quite happy with this arrangement I imagine!

isupposeitsverynice · 23/10/2016 11:12

Well I have donned my flame-proof suit! I do leave my kids unattended with one of my dogs - the dog is a love and the kids are nearly 10 and 4 so not daft with her. We have just acquired a puppy who is also a love but he is never left alone in the company of the little child because he is excitable and nippy and well, so is the kid. I can see it ending badly not through malice but just play gone wrong, so I take dog or child when I go from room to room, or shut the dog in the garden for a bit. I separate them by closing doors, it's really not rocket science. I do agree that probably not everyone is entirely as truthful as I have been here but it's also not nearly as hard as you seem to think to separate kids from dog.

RaisinGirls · 23/10/2016 11:14

This is interesting, I was just talking about this with other dog owning friends the other day.

I have two rescue dogs who I have had for 5-7 years now (background unknown) and a 2.5 year old.

Before DC was born I did lots of prep with the dogs: stair gates all over the place, not allowed on sofa or upstairs so that they got used to that before DC was born. I'd never allowed them squeaky toys.

I was super cautious for first 18 months or so, and even if I was popping to the loo the dogs would go behind a stair gate so that they were separated from DC. DC has never had any squeaky toys or balls either so there is no mistaking each other's toys.

Dogs and DC generally show no real interest in each other, which is how I want it to be. DC doesn't see having dogs as a big deal and dogs don't tend to react to her crying or stripping (generally just trot off to another room).

I am now a bit more lenient and if I am nipping to the downstairs loo or upstairs to get the washing or putting laundry on radiators around house I don't put them behind a gate.

I am wondering if this is a false security though and I should still keep them separate even if it is when I go for a quick wee.

PlayOnWurtz · 23/10/2016 11:15

My dog is lovely with people but at 23kg is too much for a preteen/young teenager to fight off. She's also extremely excitable and bouncy and loves to say hello multiple times. However she is dog reactive and as such I don't trust her not to tip over into going for a human because we know when she goes for another dog she's extremely strong.

There is always an adult around if dc is downstairs with them. We dont monitor the dog as closely as if a much younger child were around them because dc is sensible and doesn't climb all over the dog however we are mindful of them together. It's about being sensible

RaisinGirls · 23/10/2016 11:15

Stropping not stripping!

Original poster

Fargesia · 23/10/2016 11:27

For the poster who asked "What is my experience with dogs, " I grew up in a household with a very lovable, chilled out sheltie. I am quite old (grew up in the sixties)! I genuinely don't remember anyone talking about supervising dogs with children way back then. My parents certainly did not do this. People just seemed to assume that everything would be just fine. I was going to mention that some of the more powerful dogs didn't seem to be fashionable back then. However, when I think about it, there was a boy in my class who had been basically scalped in a dog attack. He had horrific injuries which were life changing and permanent. I have absolutely no idea what breed of dog was responsible for this attack.

OP posts:

TickleMcTickleFace · 23/10/2016 11:28

My dog is my shadow unless she's asleep so if I leave the room she follows me and will often settle herself in a position where she can see me and the DC. The only time she's been on her own with my DS (5) is if she's curled up on his bed whilst they're both asleep. Before I get flamed this is a recent thing which I wouldn't have allowed when he was younger and she only stays there until she hears me inhaling snacks in the kitchen. So 30 mins max

crashdoll · 23/10/2016 11:32

My dog follows me everywhere anyway. He would be most affronted to be left in a room and not come with me. This backfires because I don't always want him staring at me when I'm on the toilet though.

haveacupoftea · 23/10/2016 11:34

Well my child wont be left for any length of time unsupervised so i cant see how i could leave the dogs unsupervised with him/her. But then my ground floor is open plan and dogs arent allowed upstairs.

I have a very docile breed but still wouldnt leave them together. Thats putting the responsibility on the dog not to bite if antagonised, which is a bit much to ask of a dog.

DrunkOnEther · 23/10/2016 11:35

I'll go against the grain and say that sure, I left my dog alone with my DC.
It's a risk assessment, same as anything else. My dog was a spaniel, and we'd had him for 4 years by the time we had DC, and in fact in his entire life he'd never shown one ounce of aggression - never snapped, nipped, or even growled - nothing. He actually helped the DC learn to walk - they'd pull up next to him and hold onto his back while he walked along very slowly, continually checking on them. That was with my supervision though, and the vast majority of the time they were just doing their own things.

So, a risk assessment. As with anything to do with parenting.
Heck, I kept scissors in a drawer in the living room - there was always a chance DC would open the drawer and get them out.

Having said that, my dog was never allowed upstairs, so when DC were babies he really was never alone with them - if DC were awake, they were with me, if they were asleep then they were upstairs.

Owllady · 23/10/2016 11:41

I can't even go to the toilet without being tripped over by my dog
Do you have dogs op?

Owllady · 23/10/2016 11:43

My dogs have never been allowed upstairs either which I know people find a bit weird! Tbh it's mainly for lazy/cleaning reasons. I hate hoovering fur off the stairs, it's the worst job ever

DrunkOnEther · 23/10/2016 12:25

Agreed, hoovering fur off stairs is awful!
The main reason our dog wasn't allowed upstairs though was because he would crawl into bed with ex-husband and me, under the duvet, and then stretch out across the bed, pushing us both to the edges. 😂

Also, I suppose it meant the cats could retreat upstairs to be alone if they'd had enough.
Now the cats, were far more of a danger to the DC than the dog ever was. One in particular would lash out if he felt remotely threatened.

tabulahrasa · 23/10/2016 12:30

My current dog doesn't go upstairs, but that's because he's got dodgy joints, but my children aren't children...so, I don't feel the need to supervise adults round the dog, lol.

Mind you, he'd follow me from room to room if he got the chance anyway.

Macauley · 23/10/2016 12:31

Baby gates in door ways and the dogs have their own room which backs out on to the garden. Also they follow me everywhere when not in their room so easy to know where they are.

megletthesecond · 23/10/2016 12:33

I've always wondered this. What a faff to constantly use baby gates or have to shut the dog away when you need the toilet or want to cook undisturbed.

TheHubblesWindscreenWipers · 23/10/2016 12:36

If this is about the awful attack the other week, the mother was supervising, she was holding the baby and the dog took it from her arms.

Supervising/not leaving them alone together is a false sense of security. If a dog turns and attacks then unless you are stronger / faster than it you don't stand a chance. That poor woman was holding her baby. She wasn't leaving it alone with a dog.

magicboy79 · 23/10/2016 12:39

My dog is never unattended with my kids, mainly because he follows me everywhere. I have 2 boys age 1 and 2 and if I need to go upstairs I lock the dog in his crate/bed until I come back down, I would only be away a minute maybe to grab a nappy or go to the loo. My dog is like my shadow, plus he gets on well with he kids, but still I'd never trust him, he's a mini schnauzer breed

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