To wonder if a lot of people secretly hold views that are abhorrent (some offensive content)

[onlythedaze]

I have been wondering about this off and on over the weekend.

I was in a quiet part of an airport lounge on Friday night, some children were running around and a couple near me made a comment that was mildly acerbic but nonetheless pleasant enough - along the lines of, thank goodness they aren't ours, and then in a very low voice, the wife said to her husband something offensive about the race of some of the children. They both laughed in a conspiratorial way.

They looked perfectly ordinary, well dressed, well presented, smiling, professional. Not BNP members or skinheads or whatever the stereotype is.

Now before anybody leaps on me for saying that I sound naive, I don't think I am - I think a lot of people are actually secretly very racist, sexist, homophobic but don't voice these views because they are considered taboo.

Or am I being dramatic?

[TirednessIsComing]

I agree with sarcasm too regarding everyone being a bit discriminatory. I remember df insisting she wasn't until she went to see avenue q with a friend. They had a long debate after about the song 'everyone is a little bit racist' and was mortified when her friend pointed out to her that one of the stereotypes she mouths is actually racist.

In a way people who think skinheads are stereotypically racist are being just as discriminatory. I know some lovely skinheads who would stand up against that behaviour but it is a stereotype that's seen as lot to be a skinhead thug.

Everyone makes assumptions and I think judgements too. Some people challenge their own thoughts while others happily voice and expect consensus.

[BowieFan]

I used to put it down to generational differences but the rhetoric leading up to the referendum has meant people feel able to just say what they want now and they get away with it.

I was really uncomfortable a few weeks ago when we got a cab somewhere and the driver was ranting about Eastern Europeans and how awful and lazy they are whilst I was sat next to my two Bulgarian sons... I really wanted to say something but bit my tongue.

[yesterdaysunshine]

Jeez, I wouldn't have

I wouldn't be arsed but if that was my CHILD, I would!

[yesterdaysunshine]

• would have

[Doodles15]

For what it's worth I agree with a pp that every opinion will be abhorrent somewhere. I think sometimes it isn't meant in any racist or nasty way, it is just what it is... an expression or opinion. A relative of mine once told my mixed race friend that "you have such lovely curly hair but that's because you are half cast!" I literally just about fell of my chair and felt like I had been transported back about 150 years. The reality is that she is from a country town which she has barely left all her life and she genuinely didn't mean anything negative or nasty by it. In her head it was a compliment! Thankfully my other friend was too drunk too remember it.

[Doodles15]

**to remember it
Plus... v distant relative!

[Owllady]

If people use language without knowledge that's one thing (i agree some people don't know and will not use it in future), but why single out the children who are in a minority in the first place?
that is as much a problem, surely?

[whataboutbob]

Is it OK to say that racism and bigotry are not confined to white people? My DS1 has a schoolfriend of pakistani origin. He told DS1that his mum does not like blacks and would not want black schoolmates back at her house. He also said Malala yousufzai is an attention seeker (a view help by many pakistanis). And let's not mention the fall out which ensure is a pakistani/bangladeshi person marries a white partner.

[ShotgunNotDoingThePans]

A couple we've known for a long time and see maybe twice a year socially (old friend of DH); the wife drops an offensive clanger every time we meet, usually related to immigrants and benefits. Every time it happens there's an awkward silence while I attempt to rebut what she's saying without causing a scene. There's bever been anything in any of our conversations over the last 30 years that's implied we go along with, or want to hear these views - yet she still persists.
Makes me think it must be normal in the usual company she keeps, so she sees no reason to keep it to herself.
Last time my adult DS was there having a drink with us and he quietly left the room and told me afterwards how shocked he'd been. Don't think he'd ever actually heard anyone express those views to his face, bless him.
However, the scary thing is that she has three DCs herself, so it's likely they'll perpetuate the poison.

[WaitrosePigeon]

I agree OP.

[Doodles15]

Owllady whilst it was in bad taste and not something that I would say I don't know if that makes the couple racist. There wouldn't be this conversation if they had referred to the children as "well what do you expect given that they come from x estate or area" and there was no relation to the colour of their skin or ethnicity (and I am. It saying that is a savoury opinion either!). People can say what they like, sometimes unfortunately, but that does not mean that they are inherently racist or bad people. Don't get me wrong, there is a lot of vitriolic nastiness out there and a lot of it is outright racism "get them out" type.... who "them" are I am never quite sure!

[Andrewofgg]

A colleague whose parents were from Trinidad told me that she was brought up with a stereotype of Jamaicans as criminals and layabouts and that Jamaicans were brought up with a stereotype of Trinidadians as country bumpkins and that both were brought up to think of all other people from the Caribbean as "little island people". It seems to be hard-wired into our species.

[MrsJayy]

Saying something about the colour of a childs skin while said child is just running about is racist there is no context that these people needed to talk about a childs skin colour they sniggered about skin colour of children . How is that not racist ?

[ExcuseMyEyebrows]

I think it's human nature to put people in groups and see an us/them outlook.

Yes, it's basic psychology - in past times we would have instinctively feared 'others' as a protective mechanism. (And this probably explains why now team sports like football are so popular - one 'tribe' against another)

Of course there's no excuse for voicing these prejudices, by now people should have learned tolerance and acceptance of our differences.

[MissHooliesCardigan]

I get quite shocked when I hear people saying overtly racist things. I think that most of us have a tendency to surround ourselves with like minded people. As a liberal lefty, most people I know have similar-ish views, in fact I don't even know anyone who admits to voting Conservative (apart from my DPs who think Thatcher didn't go far enough).
My DM's 'treat' last Xmas was to take us all to see Peter Pan at their local theatre. Tiger Lilly was played by a young black woman. At the interval, a woman behind me turned to her husband and said in a very upper class accent, 'Darling, do you think the Negro's real?' to which he replied, 'yes, I think so, I wonder where they got her from'.
The thing is, if you told them they were racist, they would probably have disagreed with you.

[MrsJayy]

Oh good god Negro is real where did they get her bloody hell

[ANewStartOverseas]

Only Yes I agree. A lot of people are holding these views underneath a veneer of respectability.
Im particularly annoyed and well meaning people women who think that its OK to make a racist comment if its preceded by 'I am not racist but...'

One of the issue is the fact people didn't want to make a scene so dont dare telling the person who is being offensive that they are. So 'politeness' is overriding fighting racism iyswim.

[rabbit12345]

I think many people who act in this way are what i would call "little bitches".

While they will be the first to claim that they are not racist/homophobic/ageist....etc.........they will quite happily use any of these in order to just bitch about other people in general. Some people really cannot help themselves but when you confront them they state they are none of these things.

[RiverTam]

Racism has always been there, and I think a lot more of us are racist that we would admit.

But it is simply a fact that the Brexit vote has allowed some people to know be far more blatant than they would have been in the past. Xenophobia isn't now something to be ashamed of, for many people.

In Germany referenda are banned because they believe that they are the root of fascism. Recent events may well show them to have a point.

[Owllady]

Bloody hell misshoolie

[derxa]

I used to put it down to generational differences Yes everyone over 50 is a racist because that's how things were back in the Dark Ages. [eye roll]

[MrsJayy]

I had somebody say in a meeting a while ago if they are disabled how are they meant to look after children, while sitting next to me a disabled person with children but obviously she didn't mean me person is meant to be in a parent supportive role. Left me stunned in the way you cant quite believe what you heard

[PoppyBirdOnAWire]

"papayasareyum

believe it or not Sooty, racism existed pre Brexit hmm"

Yes BUT the ghastliness that is Brexit has given little Englanders the confidence to voice, more openly, their unpleasant views about other races.

[HelloCanYouHearMe]

I think you are right OP

The ILs have no issue with airing their views though - every week its different 'the bloody Turks', 'Erugh, Africans', '....and i bet they were Asian...'

Last week it was '...and then Rastamouse came on. We dont watch shows like that, do we DGS?'

[derxa]

I mean. Please excuse my mistake. I my defence I'm an ancient crone.