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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

2 year old left at party

59 replies

PissPotPourri · 22/10/2016 21:06

So, we hosted dc2s 3rd birthday party in a hall today. It was bigger that anticipated with about 30 children there (I'm on prosecco now).
Anyway, as parents turned up I was offering hot drinks, and one mum said, "thanks but don't worry, I'm not staying. I need to go shopping. That's OK isn't it?" Her dd is a few months younger than my DC so only 2. I was so taken aback I simply asked if she would be alright, and her mum said she would be. I asked if she knew any of the other parents (I don't know this girl) and her mum said she knew a couple of mums there who work at the nursery where her dd and my dc go. I asked if they knew to keep an eye on her, and she looked a bit amused and went to speak to them.
Dh and I tried to keep an eye on the girl through the party but we were very busy. And now I'm resenting that if something had happened to her i would have felt (been?) responsible. AIBU to believe that a two year old is FAR to young to be left unaccompanied at a party, especially when she doesn't know the hosting parents? My friend reckons we were used as a couple of hours of free child care... I just feel annoyed at the presumption and upset for her dd who did look a bit lost and alone.

OP posts:

Trifleorbust · 22/10/2016 21:25

I would have said, 'Actually, could you stay with her? There is no-one able to be responsible for making sure she is safe and changed and so on.'

CointreauVersial · 22/10/2016 21:26

Only OK if she has briefed another parent specifically to take responsibility for her. It's not OK for her to expect a busy party host to deal with it.

Even when they are old enough to be left (4 or 5) it is definitely a good idea to have mobile numbers on hand for every parent. You never know when a child will be sick/hurt themselves/want their mum, and you need to be able to contact them quickly.

Original poster

PissPotPourri · 22/10/2016 21:27

Yep trifle that would have been a great response.

OP posts:

Ohdearducks · 22/10/2016 21:27

I had this once but the parent didn't even ask! I'd invited the older sibling and when they arrived at the hall I was in the loo, I came out to find the dad had dumped the 5 year old and the 2 year old sibling and left! I was livid, I'd never even met the younger child before, I found the RSVP and called the dad to collect him, by the time I'd got off the phone he'd already had his hand down the toilet! Tore the dad a new one when he came back (an hour and a half later) he just shrugged and said his brother (the 5 year old was suppose to be 'watching' him) erm no idiot YOU were supposed to be watching him!

NataliaOsipova · 22/10/2016 21:27

YANBU! That's taking the mick big time. I left my not quite 5 year old at a party a week or so ago but only after a) I'd checked with the host and b) after I'd asked another mum that both my DD and I knew well if she'd keep an eye on her while she was there (obviously complete with phone numbers etc). Totally crazy with a 2 year old, who is presumably still in nappies? So you're supposed to sort her out - in addition to running the party - if she needs changing in a hurry? No way.

HaveNoSocks · 22/10/2016 21:29

YANBU. Two is far too young. She could have wandered off or got hurt which means you have to keep an eye on her while you're supposed to be hosting. If she'd fallen over or been upset she would have need calming down etc. The other mum should have asked one of her friends who was also there to be responsible for her DD or just stayed.

ItShouldHaveBeenJess · 22/10/2016 21:30

Heck! I sympathise, OP, I'd have been exactly the same - too shocked and too bloody polite to refuse. Send her a bill for childminding services!

Original poster

PissPotPourri · 22/10/2016 21:32

Cointreau I would definitely be prepared with parents numbers if I knew there weren't staying. Agree absolutely. It just hasn't even occurred to me and caught me on the hop (and in the middle of 10 things)

OP posts:

worldsworstchildren · 22/10/2016 21:32

That's awful. That poor little girl. My 10 year old DD was invited to an evening disco party the other week with friends from her hobby. I didn't know anyone at all. It was in a social club as it was a family party so alcohol being served etc.

I asked the host if it would be okay to leave her for a bit and they were OK with that but I was back within the hour as I didn't feel comfortable leaving her in a room full of people I didn't know.

I also have 2 year old and there is no way on earth I would have left him.

Original poster

PissPotPourri · 22/10/2016 21:33

ohdear

OP posts:

unlucky83 · 22/10/2016 21:35

YANBU - I was at a 3yos party with my PFB when another parent whose DS would have been a similar age left him. It was a soft play place and it was partially open to others (we had a room but they shared equipment) The child was an only child - so no childcare issues - in fact the mum (single parent) was with her mum and said they were going shopping . She didn't ask me to keep an eye on him - just let me know (not the host) she was leaving. Her DC had been the same nursery as mine for a few years and we had exchange small talk at drop off/pick up but nothing more. I have to admit that I was quite shocked. Worse I saw the DS with his hands on the front of his pants looking around - asked him if he needed the loo (he would have been just potty trained) and he said he did - so I showed him where they were (individual unisex loo/babychange). He couldn't open the door on his own! I tried to stand outside to let him out and he couldn't lock the door - and was getting upset I ended up going in with him...feeling really awkward.
When his mum came back I mentioned taking him to the loo and she said - oh thanks - I didn't think, he is ok on his own at home .
(Another later party this time DP took our PFB - and I asked him and yep she'd done the same. In fact this time the parents were more hands on - so DP had felt sorry for him and been playing with him....)

BadEngleesh · 22/10/2016 21:39

Yabu

The Mum asked if she could leave her DD with you and you said yes. I really, really don't understand why you would say yes if you actually wanted to say no.

Next time say what you mean and mean what you say .

cheekyfunkymonkey · 22/10/2016 21:39

Someone tried to do this to me with a 4 year old....my answer was still 'no'. Despite anything else you don't have the capacity when hosting, we struggle to keep eyes on our own never mind anyone elses! It's beyond me why anyone would do this but I still don't let anyone but grandparents babysit ours

Original poster

PissPotPourri · 22/10/2016 21:40

I hate this feeling now of knowing my instinct was not unreasonable and thinking of all the responses I should have given which would have made the daughter happier and maybe made the mum think twice

OP posts:

Original poster

PissPotPourri · 22/10/2016 21:42

Bad agreed. But see my post of 21:23 as a bit of an explanation

OP posts:

MsJamieFraser · 22/10/2016 21:43

I don't leave my 7 year old

Wdigin2this · 22/10/2016 21:43

I find that absolutely shocking!!! How the hell could you go off and leave your 2yo, a) with people you don't know and b) with nobody directly responsible for her????
Totally irresponsible, and a damn cheek to dump her on you like that, you should have insisted on her staying, or taking the child with her........unbloodybelievable !!!!!!!

Original poster

PissPotPourri · 22/10/2016 21:47

The only small explanation I can think of from the mothers point of view was that three of the mums there work at the nursery. But they were there as mums, not carers.

OP posts:

dotdotdotmustdash · 22/10/2016 21:49

I had a party for my DC shortly after we moved to a new area, they were turning 6 and 4. I invited a pile of kids from our new estate and I hadn't met the parents more than once twice. One Mum dropped off her 5 year old and her two year old, then handed me a bag with a nappy and change of clothes for the little one and took off! This Mum is an ex police-officer.

JennyM9275 · 22/10/2016 21:55

That poor child. And poor you OP being put on the spot like that. Two is way too young to be left alone at a party

maddiemookins16mum · 22/10/2016 21:58

I'm that mum who thinks kids' parties are for errrr kids (not couples, siblings, grandparents etc). But leaving a toddler is just crazy!!!! That said, was that toddler really needed to be invited (that's half the problem).

NerrSnerr · 22/10/2016 22:02

Christ. I have a 2 year old and couldn't imagine living her at a party, especially without any adults she knows.

HeadDreamer · 22/10/2016 22:12

Round here we start drop and go at reception. 2 year olds are very different from 5yo.

LovingLola · 22/10/2016 22:16

How could you have a bigger than anticapted party for a toddler??

Eva50 · 22/10/2016 22:16

When my older boys (now 21 and 19) were small "dropping off" at parties was definitely the done thing. We held ds1's 3rd birthday party at soft play and only 1 mum stayed (as did the sibling). Ds was at a small private nursery and I didn't know any of the parents or children. Ds2 has ASD and didnt stay at parties and by the time ds3 (10) started nursery it seemed to be the norm to stay.

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