to think changing school = loosing friends?

[attheendoftheline]

Ds was at a private school until the beginning of this academic year. He was happy there and had good friends and I also had a nice social circle. We moved him because the school really is too small and I'm quite concerned it will shut down in the not too distant future. I didn't make a big deal of it or slate the school etc when we left.

Ds is really happy at his new school but still asks to see his old friends and I would really like to catch up with my friends but I've contacted people quite a few times and either don't get a response or get a vague blow off. I feel like me and ds have done something really wrong to upset people but I don't really know what. Ds doesn't understand why he can't have an odd play date with his old friends and even invited them to his party this weekend but most haven't even responded.

I know it shouldn't bother me and obviously they aren't real friends but I'm just quite surprised and a little bit upset. It's new and a bit hard starting at a new school for both of us and a little bit of old friendship would be really nice at the moment.

I think there are 2 things to consider. You were concerned about the school being too small to be sustainable and they may be upset that you leaving has made it more likely that the school will close. If you've put dc in a state school they may feel that the dcs are not likely to be moving in similar circles for schools, sport, clubs etc and so they don't see a long term future for the friendships.

Thanks, yes I did think of that from the children point of view and in time ds will probably move on friendship wise and it'll be fine. It's probably more me and my good friendships that I'm sad about. A few of the mums were really good friends and it's like I've been dumped from afar!

I fully sympathise. DD(11) switched to a private school this year and I'd assumed she would be able to stay friends with her best friend from her old school. When I was growing up, I had friends all over the place and when DS switched to the same school at the same age, he managed to keep all of his old friends. The friendships have changed, but they easily moved to a weekends and holidays getting together despite not seeing each other every day at school.

DD has been dropped by her best friend like a hot potato. Actually, that's not quite true. Every once in a blue moon she will message DD but when DD responds she ignores her. Fortunately DD has other local friends from various clubs and has made new friends at her new school but she was really hurt and is still hurt, thought showing it less.

I think we made the mistake assuming that because DS made the transition seamlessly that DD would as well. It was so out of the blue. The day before school started they were giggling away over milkshakes and then complete silence.

So sorry no advice, but you do have my sympathy.

Noofly - thanks, that's exactly it. I feel like we've just been dropped like a hot potato!

These are normal, friendly people who would normally jump at the chance for a glass of wine. Just not with me now.

Makes me wonder why there were friendships in the first place if they were only based on attendance at school - it's so odd.