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Original poster

Things I have discovered in my late thirties.

49 replies

FlapsTie · 22/10/2016 18:58

That I am happier and healthier at 12st than at 8st, I'd rather have boobs and a waist rather than hip bones and a thigh gap.

That my hair is actually curly, and there is no point fighting that, and that actually it looks nice when left mostly to its own devices.

That not everyone will like me, and that that's ok.

That it's not realistic or healthy to aspire to live in a show home all the time.

That duvet days occasionally are entirely essential.

That I'd rather have a solid ten hour's sleep than stay up to watch the end of a film.

Anyone else have any prime of life wisdom they've discovered?

OP posts:
AliceTemperley · 22/10/2016 20:16

That there's a certain sense of relief that comes from the invisibility of being late 30's and not having to make such an effort to be 'young' and therefore attractive.

Oh, and that saving money can actually be fun!

Original poster
FlapsTie · 22/10/2016 20:17

I sort of just meant that as I've been with DH for ten years it was my twenties for me. It didn't come across right at all though. Don't mind me, I'm a twat generally

OP posts:
RandomDent · 22/10/2016 20:19

I'm actually pretty good at my job. And other people think so too.

Original poster
FlapsTie · 22/10/2016 20:21

In the last few years I've embraced buying well and buying once, as opposed to buying cheap stuff repeatedly. That comes with the financial security I've achieved being a bit older as well, I suppose.

OP posts:
Pootlebug · 22/10/2016 20:22

That I'm a half decent runner and triathlete if I put my mind to it.

eurochick · 22/10/2016 20:23

Not everyone is going to like me, and that's fine. This is particularly helpful at work. I can't be everyone's friend, particularly as I get more senior. It's enough that I treat people fairly and am respected.

Novinosincebambino · 22/10/2016 20:24

Don't have anyone in your life that don't add anything to it. (Same sentiment as pp who said friendships shouldn't be hard work but it goes for all relationships).

Don't scrimp on your hair, you wear it every day.

Some people live to take offence. You can't change that.

Anything with 'acid' in it shouldn't be near your face.

Silence is as good as acceptance. If you don't like it, say something.

Crawlingupthewalls · 22/10/2016 20:25

Ironing. Refused to do it on principle for years but actually it's sort of worth it.

DangerQuakeRhinoSnake · 22/10/2016 20:32

That my best friend is actually me. Closely followed by my mum.

Flowers for those who have lost their beloved mum.

RandomMess · 22/10/2016 20:46

That I may never get "better" the damage done by my parents is not "curable", I need instead to learn to live with it and accept my weaknesses and vulnerabilities Sad

Original poster
FlapsTie · 22/10/2016 20:56

RandomMess the same is true for me. I have bipolar and bpd, and it's only in the past couple of years that I've made peace with that and really faced it and had proper treatment. I'm broken, but that's who I am and I'm ok. A lot of it is due to my upbringing, I'm sure, but I've learned (ish) that it's healthier to look forward than back. Flowers

OP posts:
BreakfastAtStephanies · 22/10/2016 21:08

Crawlingupthewalls - Nooooooooo ! That is the exact opposite of what I have discovered. Hardly ironing anything these days.

Forgetmenotblue · 22/10/2016 22:56

That I can't fix most situations so should stop trying.

That I mainly help people to feel better about myself.

That I'm not a nice person really, and it doesn't matter.

Beyond being basically kind and decent to people, nothing else at work really matters, however much management like to suggest otherwise.

Muddlewitch · 22/10/2016 23:03

That most of the time 'good enough' really is good enough and always aiming for perfection just leaves you eternally disappointed and feeling crap.

MLGs · 22/10/2016 23:18

So many really wise things on here.

Especially things like "no one gives a shit what you are doing".

useristired · 22/10/2016 23:26

That life is too short and don't save anything for best.
Diagnosed with breast cancer two days ago and things not looking rosy for me. I'm only 39, hadn't even started on life really

Albadross · 22/10/2016 23:37

Flaps and Random - I also have BPD and finally I accept it's with me for life, but that I can actually lead a relatively stable life. Age has meant I've learned how to roll with it. I've also learned that I'm tough as old boots and that others respect my fearlessness.

Albadross · 22/10/2016 23:38

User - so sorry, what an awful shockFlowers

Alwayschanging1 · 22/10/2016 23:40

OK - in my 50s not thirties but hope I can still comment.

  1. Nobody is watching you - so go to bars and restaurants by yourself and relax.
  2. Just because you are related to someone does not automatically make them nice or caring. Don't be afraid to cut out the toxic people.
  3. Be kind - but don't be a doormat. Say no.
  4. You can only really do one thing for your kids that means anything - listen to them as they tell you who they are. And support whoever it is that they decide to be.
  5. Spend as much time as you can in the mountains or by the sea.
gingerboy1912 · 22/10/2016 23:49

You can say no thanks and that's it and you can repeat that until the over enthusiastic pushy fuckers people get the message.

You don't have to join every argument that other people try to draw you into.

It's okay to be tired sometimes

It's okay to find going out drinking a bit boring and want to stay home instead

gingerboy1912 · 22/10/2016 23:55

Oh and if you don't iron most people won't even notice.

And just because they are family doesn't mean they care that much about you so don't spend time worrying about it.

Karma may be slow but it's does eventually work its magic.

roasted · 22/10/2016 23:56

It's all downhill from here. Sure, you think you look fat and ugly today, but a year later, you'll also look a year older to compound your woes! Appreciate what you have now because this is as good as it gets - don't be afraid to work with what you've got.

I will do things alone if I want to because I am not scared. If I want to eat in a restaurant by myself, sod it, why not? Screw societal norms: do what make you happy.

Life is hard. If you can be kind to someone, do it. You never know when you'll desperately need the kindness of strangers.

notatschool · 23/10/2016 00:14

I need to own and stand by the choices I made in the last 15 years, even when they make life really hard. No copping out, running away, turning back.

I have low energy days and high energy days, and they will both come round again. Don't feel guilty about the low ones, make the most of the high.

Social media is not an accurate portrayal of anyone's life.

The stuff in my head is not always accurate either - I need to remind myself of what is actually true.

My children watch what I do far more than what I say.

Friendships can be for a season.

It's important to be nice to DH.

neveradullmoment99 · 23/10/2016 00:34

That you dont have to do have to do some things that you don't want to do like going to a friends house that you cba with.
That the school run is exactly that and its not a social occasion for me.
That its ok to work part time and enjoy the rest of the time off.
That you dont have to agree with everyone and that you can say no.
That my mum can be a poisonous bitch and similteneously feeling my family will always stick by me and I them.
That we wont be friends forever.
That unhealthy foods taste waaaaay better.
That I dont have to go to a gym class or like excercise or feel guilty. I just need to fit it into what i do daily like not take the car.
That i dont need a fitbit.

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