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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mobile phone for a five year old

59 replies

user1477078716 · 21/10/2016 20:43

My boyfriend wants to give his daughter a mobile phone. She is 5. I think this is highly inappropriate. Would welcome your reflections on this.
Not that I think it is relevant but she stays with her mother every other weekend at her grandparents house. When I asked him why he thought it was a good idea he said so she could contact him if she wanted to.

OP posts:
RiverTam · 21/10/2016 21:24

In general I agree it would be very negative indeed, DD is 6 and I wouldn't dream of allowing her a phone for years. But she isn't living in the situation you describe. Maybe I'm very sheltered but it sounds pretty crap to me.

But - just as they are what they are, your DP is her father and it's his call.

Sweets101 · 21/10/2016 21:28

No I don't. DD's isn't a toy. It's a communication device that she uses to tell her Bampi she won pupil of the week or send her Dad a little message to say he loves her and vice versa without always having to go through me. It's heavily supervised but if anything it's given her more independence in maintaining healthy relationships with people she loves but doesn't necessarily see on a regular basis.

hotdiggedy · 21/10/2016 21:32

What if she called the police or similar or messed around with all the phone settings/lost it? If he thinks there are issues and that she wouldnt be allowed to call them thats another matter but unlikely that they would let he use her own phone in that case anyway.

Planty18 · 21/10/2016 21:37

I am not in this situation so my 6 year old won't have a phone for years, but reading Sweets' posts has made me think. My 6 year old uses our phones to text her 6 year old cousin (on my bil's phone), my mum, my husband when he's at work, to tell them bits of news she wants to share sometimes. Maybe the pad with skype is a good idea. It's difficult imagining a child not being able to freely communicate with a parent whilst apart, I suppose it depends on whether she wants to and how long they are apart between contact.

Original poster
user1477078716 · 21/10/2016 21:38

In fact it is my girlfriend who wants to give her 5yo daughter a phone (so just reverse the genders). I was hoping to get a gender free response. And I did more or less. Thanks to those who contributed.

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e1y1 · 21/10/2016 21:44

Yes it is inappropriate, but surprisingly it does happen (worked at a phone company, will always remember parents calling up to register phones for their 4/5 year olds???)

Wolfie no you didn't imagine it, if I remember correctly, it was the "Disney" Phone, it had 4 buttons and I think it could have up to 4 numbers programmed into it. I don't know how far it got though.

The phone company I worked for were looking at something similar, but as a wrist device (like a smartwatch), but I left not long after, so don't know how far that got either.

Original poster
user1477078716 · 21/10/2016 21:45

I see your point Sweets. Interesting. Thanks. That's why I posted to see if there were things I hadn't considered.

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Original poster
user1477078716 · 21/10/2016 21:47

Then again Sweets, she does live with my partner 9 days out of 10, so doesn't really have the need to communicate anything like good marks at school etc

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e1y1 · 21/10/2016 21:48

Oh for anyone who is interested (probably not), but there have been EXTENSIVE tests done on SAR (radiation from cellular devices) and it has been placed in the same category as Coffee; it can't be proven it does cause harm, but it can't be proven it doesn't cause harm either.

Original poster
user1477078716 · 21/10/2016 21:51

Thanks E1. My thoughts are that just because longitudinal studies haven't found anything yet, doesn't mean there is no harm. (history is littered with "bad" examples) But the fact that the jury is out, is comforting.

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JsOtherHalf · 21/10/2016 21:53

If it's really necessary to give a 5 year old a phone, what about one of these?

www.ownfone.com

Mobile phone for a five year old
Sweets101 · 21/10/2016 21:54

Do you think this is perhaps as much for your girlfriend's peace of mind as for her DD?
I appreciate my previous points weren't relevant to your situation, except to say I don't think it should necessarily be viewed as a harmful toy (unless it is treated as such) But I will admit that I do take some comfort from the fact that when DD is at her Dad's she could contact me if she wanted to, and equally that I could call her as her Dad isn't always great at answering the phone or keeping in touch if they're running late etc.

Original poster
user1477078716 · 21/10/2016 21:56

That's interesting otherhalf. That may be a compromise solution.

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e1y1 · 21/10/2016 21:56

Yes User I agree, could be in years to come that mobiles/wifi etc are bad for us :/

If that's true though, I'm screwed, as the Mobile Phone call centre I worked in for over 10 years, had 3 cell site towers (2 inside and 1 on the roof), along with the mobile phones of the 2000+ people who worked there :(

KoalaDownUnder · 21/10/2016 22:00

It is ridiculous.

Original poster
user1477078716 · 21/10/2016 22:00

Yes Sweets, perhaps you are right. It is as much to do with my partner's erm "thoughts" as anything else. I would just like to point out to her that the little extra "security" it may give her, may have some unforetold, serious ramifications for her daughter in the future. Her ex bf did behave pretty badly in the past. That is not relevant here, but I think it may have a bearing on her attitude to such things, as opposed to what is good for her daughter.

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KoalaDownUnder · 21/10/2016 22:01

If a 5-year-old needs to call anyone, they can go through an adult.

eyebrowsonfleek · 21/10/2016 22:01

How is the relationship between your gf and her ex. If it's frosty, you could create big problems. The ex might think

  • your gf doesn't think her dd is safe so she needs a phone to call her mum or 999
  • your gf thinks dd is not allowed to call her
  • your gf wants to derail contact time by having her dd on the phone to her (and missing her)
-your gf wants to call dd and spy on dd's time with her dad Basically it could be interpreted as a move that smacks of your gf believing that dad can't be trusted.
Original poster
user1477078716 · 21/10/2016 22:02

Perhaps I'm prejudiced? When I sold my business I decided I didn't need a mobile so gave it up, apart from an emergency carphone.

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Original poster
user1477078716 · 21/10/2016 22:14

eyebrowsonfleek
I think you may have got the wrong end of the stick?

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Sweets101 · 21/10/2016 22:17

It is as much to do with my partner's erm "thoughts" as anything else... Her ex bf did behave pretty badly in the past.

I really sympathise with her and where she's coming from.
I do think you are over reacting tbh. Her DD only need have a simple phone that she can have access to to call/message her mum on 1 day out of every 10 should she need to.
I don't think it will do the harm you are imagining, but would give your GF some peace of mind which is no small thing.

Sweets101 · 21/10/2016 22:19

I think eyebrows might have a point actually! Although I wouldn't let it put me off providing DD with a phone to take, just influence how I phrased it to DD's Dad.

Original poster
user1477078716 · 21/10/2016 22:23

eyebrowsonfleek
The relationship is a bit difficult between the two but how could I create problems by thinking it is inappropriate for such a young child to have a mobile? Her daughter is safe and is allowed to call her etc. In fact he calls her whenever there is a silly issue like "she is ill and needs you to collect her now" As a parent why on earth can't he deal with this? But this is a separate issue. I have a daughter too and the idea that I couldn't comfort her and help her and that "She needs her mummy" is silly. But I realise I am straying from the point here.

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Kennington · 21/10/2016 22:24

This is a wind up. This is the bloody end of days.
Mobile phones don't protect kids from anything.

Original poster
user1477078716 · 21/10/2016 22:28

Yes Sweets, if it is used only to call mummy when she really wants to, perhaps there is no need to feel that it would portend ill for the future. After all for a 5yo it is just a "thing" Maybe she won't use it at all.
I suppose it is just something to keep an eye on. Can't help feeling though that my gut instinct says it is wrong when there are no real issues in the other household. (Lots of other people/cousins there all the time- ok shouty and disfunctional but not not BAD)

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