Apologies, this is my first post and may be long.
My sister has a daughter, 8, and I have two boys, 5 and 2 and a half. My niece has always been very overbearing and is the double of her mother who I have always had a tumultuous relationship with.
They moved to our city over a year ago and I have always tried to make an effort to see them at least once a fortnight. SInce she was born I have tried to establish a good relationship with niece but it has become incredibly strained since the boys were born and as she has gotten old enough to know her behaviour is wrong.
My boys are far from perfect but they know right and wrong, more so than their elder cousin. She is not disciplined at home, empty threats, shouted at then followed by cuddles and whatever she wanted in the first place. She will have a tantrum if she does not get her own way and will scream and hit, adults and children alike.
My eldest has always been known by an abbreviation of his full name which is also a girl's name and since she has started school every time someone has said his name, she theatrically giggles. She hits and punches, when the boys were little, she'd bully by pushing, stealing, snatching, pinching, being generally mean and when they were tiny she would purposely wake them.
DS1 is thick-skinned and, by nature, extremely protective of DS2, her name calling and dismissiveness does not bother him, DS2 is the exact opposite and very sensitive, however, most of the time too young to understand the 'joke'.
The kids had a day off today, niece and eldest go to the same school . I had her round and did a Halloween type of day for the her and they boys, made cakes and did halloween-y crafts and were going to a soft play this afternoon.
DS2 had done a little Halloween jelly window stick on the other day, it was misspelt and wonky but he was incredibly proud of it. DH works shifts and the boys wait in the window when he's due home and he was delighted it was one of the first things his Dad spotted, therefore it became his proudest creation. He showed his cousin and since then it was target No.1.
I was making lunch and I heard shouts, screams and scuffles. Rush in and niece is rolling on the floor screaming, DS1 is kind of stood in the middle, DS2 is slumped against the arm of the settee clutching his head.
It takes a quick few minutes to ascertain DN had ripped his stickers off the window, he had run at her to stop her, she slapped him and pushed him, he fell and tried to get up, she shouted 'Stay down bitch' and pushed him again, he cracked his head against the coffee table, DS1 shoved DN, for which he was disciplined for, however, DS2's head was gashed and pouring with blood. Thankfully, it was a shallow cut that bleeds awfully and he is fine, but I was so angry.
She was not apologetic, she did not care and tried to blame everything on the boys. I called my sister to come and pick her up from work, she appreciated why I was furious and seemed herself taken aback by the violence. DH and I have said for a while she has severe aggression and behavioural problems and I've tried to broach the subject with sister many times but she laughs and regards her as 'bossy' or 'ballsy'. She's not.
I am wanting to text her and say I don't want niece around my children for the foreseeable future, she is a threat to their safety and I have had enough. AIBU before I say this?