to have had a go at the neighbours last night?

[Shadowboy]

Background: we live in a lovely 1930's semi in a pretty, quiet and small hamlet. The area is very rural and quiet- basically why we chose the house.

Our neighbours are generally great. They are an older couple with a 20 something son who still lives at home.
The worst thing about them is that the son stays up late and often goes outside to smoke pot and then slams the door on coming in which vibrates the whole house and can sometimes be as late at 1am which wakes us all up but we don't mention it as the family are lovely in other respects and it doesn't happen daily- maybe one or two nights per week.

However, Wednesday night (working weeknight) they had a party until gone 2am. There was lots of door slamming, banging, music, singing, dog barking (they were obviously teasing their dog) etc etc so non of us actually got much sleep and I had to get up for 6am for work. We let it go as they don't normally do this.
But then last night at close to midnight it all starts up again and they start letting fireworks off in the garden....... needless to say my husband flipped as we were desperate for sleep and he swore at them over the garden fence.

It all went quiet and they did actually stop.

However do you think he acted unreasonably? He is feeling really guilty for swearing and breaking up the party. I think we wouldn't have minded had it been a weekend or had it only been one night. But we were concerned as our two year old was stirring and we both have work in the week so it was starting to affect us.

Should we apologise for breaking up the party?

I think you were more than fair.

You tolerated their other loud party as it was thought to be a one-off, however, now it's one week after the other which isn't fair on you and anyone else who might be able to hear it.

Do you think the son might be home alone for a couple of weeks whilst his parents are away?

I'm used to feeling like the loudest in the street and am very aware of the fact I live in a terraced house and have done for years. I forewarn neighbours if we are having a party that might be loud (usually once a year for a joint Birthday doo) but tell them that we will be conscious of neighbours as well as insisting they make us aware if the noise is too much.

My neighbours have my contact details so they can call or text if we get a bit carried away. This has always worked for us so I wonder whether you could approach your neighbour and say that a one off was ok but you're concerned it's a regular thing now so can you exchange phone numbers so you can have easy contact in future if it gets out of hand again or receive forwarning.

Setting fireworks off at midnight? In October? Midweek?
That is hugely antisocial.

Well it's just over a week until Halloween so I'd expect fireworks. Domestic fireworks midweek at midnight are annoying but not really a reason to go ballistic.

I don't think your husband has been unreasonable at all. And I wouldn't be going round with flowers or anything else. They should be apologising to you.

Well it's just over a week until Halloween so I'd expect fireworks
Fireworks are nothing to do with Halloween, they are meant to be for bonfire night so they should only be allowed on 5th November, no other time.

Fireworks at midnight is only ever New Year, any other time of the year they tend to be at a reasonable hour.

YANBU

I would only apologise for the language if they apologise for being loud.

They seem to be good neighbours. You haven't told them that the son disturbs you so they've no way of knowing that his door slamming is waking you up. In light of that, I wouldn't have lost it because they had two parties in a row (with or without fireworks).

If I was your DH, I'd be feeling embarrassed too. For some people, a 50th is a special birthday so I'd be mortified that I'd spoilt their party when they are generally good neighbours.

No , your DH was NBU .

If they were setting of fireworks after 11pm then they were breaking the law
www.gov.uk/fireworks-the-law

I'd apologise for swearing while making it clear that their behaviour was antisocial and unacceptable.

Fireworks have nothing to do with halloween, and even if they did it's not for another ten days yet!

"Older couple"? "50th birthday"?

Ageism apart, he shouldn't have sworn. But anyone could see why he did.

Don't apologize. But do arrange a meeting where you can talk about the door slamming and the weed smoke and come to an agreement about future parties.

But people don't celebrate bonfire night in quite the way they did when I was a child. They now have a single celebration : often a big council organised event with a bonfire and fireworks but no burning the guy.

Fireworks are normal this time of year. And I say that as a pet owner who doesn't like their cat frightened.

Bertrand - genuine question. What is ageist about saying 'older couple' and '50th birthday'?

In this thread the age of the neighbours is completely irrelevant. And on what planet is 50 "old"?

Since when does '50' count as older couple misses point of thread

Bigbluebus, I missed your post. I didn't know that about 11pm being the cut off point for fireworks. So the neighbours were unreasonable there. OPs husband could have told them that though instead of getting riled up and snapping.

Due to an accident at a domestic firework party I attended I'm personally not a fan of fireworks in the back garden but they're common around here including after midnight in the weeks leading up to Halloween.

Maybe write them an apologetic letter but also one that explains your situation re 2 parties, dog barking, early hours etc and you having to get up at 6 am and having a restless 2 year old. They've been there so I'm sure they will understand.