Why is DH so bloody useless????

[MapOfTheWorldDoorKnob]

FFS I have just come home and the kids are looking guilty and DH is looking like butter wouldn't melt in his sodding mouth. . I asked him to hang a picture today and that's all he had to do. But no. I come home and the thing is still there on the floor. Lazy sod.

Instead, he claimed, he'd done some redecorating. Why? Why paint a wall rather than stick a nail in it and hang a picture? The house stinks of paint now.

And then he tried to cook pancakes and 6 of them are on the bloody ceiling. Wtf? What the f is the point of him and his nice shiny open topped car that doesn't have a roof so we all get wet when it rains?

Someone please pm me what is going on, I feel left out!

PeppaPig?

She's a spoilt little brat, that one

To find out what happens, you have to say the secret words...

They're Daddy's Big Tummy

Tbh, OP, the car sounds as though it would have been the final straw for me.

Pig life crisis much?

Bong bing boo
Bing bong bing
Bing bong bingly bongly booooo

Stupid autocorrect - 'mid', not 'pig'! Duh! Damn phone!

This is a good place to get this one out.
I asked dh to brown the chicken for the fajitas tonight. He asked if he would need any oil. I replied, "A little oil yes."
Next thing I know he has burned the chicken and it's welded to the pan. I asked what (the fuck) happened and he said he didn't know, it had just stuck to the pan. I said, "Why didn't you add more oil?" and he replied, "But you said a little oil! How was I supposed to know?!"

He is 47 people...40 fucking 7.
Not impressed.

I keep asking DH to hang some pictures...he never does....then I wonder why I've never learned to do it.

I'm going to learn.

I think he would do a better job of everything if you and the kids stopped going on about him being overweight.

He clearly is meant to be that shape and you are just making him feel bad by constant references to 'Daddy's Big Tummy'

Does he have any good qualities, OP? Is he a fabulous diver, for example? Or a great drummer? Or a bit of an expert at mending computers? For some reason, although we've never met, I feel as though I know you really well. Too well, perhaps.

I do work, actually. I work from home. OK, today I was writing a vair important commodoties report on pork belly and DD comes in and slaps her hands all over the keyboard SMACK SMACK SMACK! ! And the whole report goes fffffttttttr

I think the OP is drip feeding a bit about DD.....

What the fuck has he done to your wall.

Ruined

Did you have a thread before about your divvy DH thinking it was Saturday and actually it was Thursday and he nearly missed work?

Map I can't see a crack in the wall off to get eyes tested by Mr Pony

Looks like a wallpaper crease

Give him a break.... does he buy you lovely birthday presents? Have the patience of a saint? Put up with in laws who clearly think he isn't good enough for their daughter?

Has he got a bald(ing) head. I've noticed that these men drive open top cars. Maybe the wind blows men's hair away?? Just wondered as it's what I mostly see...... 😁

I think you mentioned in another thread that his job involves concreting? Hopefully the wall is salvageable .

Does he get boats stuck under bridges too?

Perhaps you should finish making the lunch while DH plays happy Mrs Chicken with the DC fixes the computer?

Do you think he might also be having an affair with the overachieving lady who has 50 different jobs? Anyway as I recall your shelf building skills aren't up to much either I'm guessing you will blame him though

Get Bob the builder in next time you need diy doing
I hope your kitchen ceiling isn't artexed, that will be a bugger to get half cooked pancakes out of🤔

Do you know, I've never seen the episode where Peppa Pig goes to the abattoir.