To think it's not ok...

[chowchowchow]

For teenagers to have their gf/bf to stay the night?

Maybe it's just because as a teen there would have been NO WAY I would have even suggested having my bf to stay.

Is it me being too strict? There have been a few posts recently with parents seemingly accepting of this.

My DD is 13 and I'm sure I have it all to come (in a good few years) "but so-and-so's allowed blah-blah to stay". Well, sorry darling NO CHANCE.

What's a TAAT? I did write this question before but I didn't see it appear. I thought maybe because I had a subject line too long. Lol.
Sorry, new here and I'm not used to the blurb just yet

My parents let me have my boyfriend to stay from when I was 16, but they weren't happy about it. I think they'd have preferred no sleepovers but my boyfriend's parents were far more lax and I was allowed to stay over there with the bedroom door locked from 15.

I'm not sure what I will do about this. My eldest is just coming up 12 so it's not a million miles in the future. My gut feeling is I'd rather allow them to have girl/boyfriends over, possibly staying, so at least I know where they are. I want to encourage a relaxed, open relationship with my teens,bjt without being overly permissive!

Owlina if the other party's parents allowed it without my permission there would be huuuuge problems. Surely it would have to be agreed by both set of parents? Ugh, until they get to 18 I guess sigh

Teenagers will always find somewhere to do it if they want to. I'd rather it was somewhere safe. The best thing you can do is try to have an open and honest relationship with your children and talk to them about safe sex.

When I was 17 or 18 my dad told me I could stay in my room with my long term boyfriend when he stayed over. I only had a single bed and am the lightest sleeper in the world so I declined, but it meant a lot to me that he respected and trusted me enough to propose that.

I think by the time they get to 17, 18 and most definitely 19, you have to wonder about what's so bad about "facilitating" two consenting adults in a (hopefully) loving and respectful relationship having sex.

I did allow it when my ds was 18 and they had been going out for several months. I did check that her mum was happy about it first before saying yes though. I would not allow it for short term girlfriends or one night stands.

TAAT is a Thread About A Thread, which is discouraged.

I was in my 20s in a LTR before my parents let my partner stay overnight!

Laura thanks, I've been googling to no avail.

Apologies if this wasn't allowed. I do think it's an interesting discussion though but understand if it has to be taken down

I want to be open with my kids about sex. It is a tricky world out there now and porn is really skewing kids sexual relationships, it's not a case of doing what come naturally these days. I want them to be able to as k me about anything they are uncomfortable or unsure of, and expecting them to be sexual beings is part of that.
I well remember having sex in inappropriate, or dodgy places and circumstances because my mum had a ' not under my roof' rule.

Depends on the age of the teens and the relationship I think. I let me eldest have his gf stay over sometimes, they were both 16 and had left school and been together a year and a half. I know her mum quite well and had a quick text chat with her first to make sure she was totally ok with it. I'd rather they were in my house, safe and warm than in a park somewhere or the back of a car like I was when I was that age

I think I would be OK with 16 and above with a steady boyfriend / girlfriend. I was allowed to have my boyfriend to stay when I was 16 and he was 17 and we had been together for about a year. I really appreciated the trust my parents showed in me. The boyfriend is now DH!

At 18 I owned my own home, had my own (somewhat successful business) and had lived alone for two years. I had a job from the age of full time and went full time at 16, whilst doing my a levels using a distance learning course and came out with AAAB.
I would have laughed if my parent's had tried to stop me from having my partner over.

Sorry for the typos. I had a job from the age of 13 and went full time at 16**

I think 18 will be my threshold.
I went to uni at 18 and obviously did what I liked. We live in a city with four universities and I wouldn't like ds to feel he had to move away to have any sex life before the age of 21 so I would allow stay overs from 18.

It's tricky. But you raise your DC to be independent and make their own decisions. And hope that you have given them enough guidance.

At 17 DH wasn't keen on DDs boyfriend staying over. In the end I pointed out to himthat it was her body and as she was above the age of consent, it was also her decision.

We weren't going to stop them, and I would rather they were safe and prepared.

I think your relationship with your children will also have a bearing on how you approach this.

My mum set up separate rooms for 17 year old me and my 19 year old bf when we went to stay. It was very embarrassing as we shared a bed and had done for 5 months at uni.

I should have respected my mum's decision, but all I could think about was her, four years previously, dumping her boyfriend on Monday and shagging my stepfather after her first date with him on Wednesday. So I just thought she was being a massive hypocrite.

I think I will let my own dc have partners over when they are 16, but mainly because I don't want my first grandchild conceived in a bus stop .