... not to rush to see my sisters new baby?

[lostowl]

My sister is due to have a baby end of November. We are due to move in our new house then and obviously it's close to Christmas. She expects me with my oh and 2 dcs to travel over 250 miles to see her newborn. It's going to cost us nearly £500 for hotel, petrol, food and at least one outing to sightsee and my oh doesn't drive.

I'm not jumping at the idea either because when my dc was born instead of coming to see me and new baby. she went to a 30th, for pissed and then flew abroad for work -- she didn't meet my dc until he was 6 months old.

My mom can't see my side (of course) and made me feel bad.

what would you do and please be honest.

I have a sibling like this.

Dsis had a baby and brother (who lives 300 miles away, but doesn't work and has lots of money) didn't go and meet nephew until he was 9 months old and even then it was only because he was visiting for another reason.

Brother had baby and sister didn't go visit (she is single parent with hardcore FT job, and very tight budget) when his baby was born. Cue MASSIVE tantrum. Epic. And he's still not speaking to us all about it 4 years later (even though the rest of us went when baby born).

No point trying to rationalise with hypocritical twunts!

(I quite enjoy being free of the obligation of visiting now, tbh)

Honestly, no - I don't think you should feel obligated to go.

Personally I'd leave it non committal though and say 'look, we've got a house move coming up, babies come when they come, if I'm able to come I will but we'll have to play it by ear'.

Of course you don't need to go.

She didn't rush to see you - she may have had her own reSons for that. Good or bad but still her own.

You have a shit ton of stuff on which really needs all your attention and your finances

It really comes down to how you would like your relationship to proceed. Call her and talk amicably about the move and the wish to keep germs away from PFB and set a date for the future. Tell your mum and give no room for manoeuvre. If neither of them accept that then that is their tough shit.

I'd say wait & see.

Then if you want to go, go on your terms-just you & staying overnight at hers for example.

Can't your mum see your point at all?

Could your sister have come to see your baby before she went to work abroad?

Tbh when my sister (older that me) was pregnant I wasn't very interested.

I did want to see my neice, but might have left it until the next day if I was due a night out!

I wouldn't go but I would tell her the reasons why. If she didn't like them, then I would remind her about her not coming to see my child till they were 6 months old. If that doesn't shut her up then she would be told to bugger off till she comes to her senses. And that goes for your mother too. But that's just me

tell her you'll visit in spring next year. when she acts all shocked and hurt, act surprised and say 'but i thought that's what you would want since that's how old dc was when you first visited us?!'.

Well given the precedent your sister set you have no obligation to go so the only question that you need to consider is whether you want to go? It sounds like you don't really, plus it will be expensive so don't do it. Visit at a better time for you. Your DM will get over it and your sister would have a bloody big nerve to complain.

How about agreeing to do an overnighter due to cost and housemove - just you and if you can't or don't want to go, cancel nearer the time citing a tummy bug - your family need looking after and you don't want to spread the bugs.

tell her you'll visit in spring next year. when she acts all shocked and hurt, act surprised and say 'but i thought that's what you would want since that's how old dc was when you first visited us?!'.

This. What could she or your mum have to say in response?!

Yes I was extremely hurt when she went to the party instead of coming to see me in hospital and then going abroad for work. My folks of course played it down.

I think I'll go with my 4 year old -- at least I won't be alone and he'll enjoy the adventure. But I won't rush and do it when we can afford it.

I'm pleased that most people are saying don't go or go alone. It makes me realise that my hurt at what she did is valid and shouldn't be played down.

Hardly your DSis fault for having to fly abroad for work though.

Yes maybe she could have not gone to the party.

It seems a little like point scoring though.

I would go, but then I'm close to my sister and she wouldn't have done what yours did.

But, how would it cost £500? Petrol for a massive car for 500 miles is under £100 and a premier inn family room about £50 per night.

I agree with others that you really don't need to rush down. Chances are your DC will have a bug you wouldn't want to pass on anyway.
I can see why you were hurt by her, but I'd never expect my sister to come and see my new baby rather than go to a party? And surely you wouldn't expect her to stop her work plans either?! Though I don't see why she couldn't have visited you inbetween the party and going abroad - so she doesn't sound like a close sister. (Or maybe just a bit young and silly at the time??)
You could send a nice present and call/Skype her regularly. No need to. Is it until you have time and can afford to. Your sister and mother should not take offence at this. If they do, they are being very unreasonable!