Was I wrong to challenge her over this casual racism?

[AliceInUnderpants]

Yesterday I was with a friend in a shop and she noticed that a product her husband buys was about 30% cheaper than where he normally buys it.

"He can come here from now on, he normally goes to the Paki round the corner"

I was speechless. My friend is a very intelligent woman and I didn't expect that to come from her mouth. I told her so. I'm not going to hold it against her -- I know she does not and would not treat anyone differently because of their race.

So knowing that she wasn't intentionally being racist, should I have just laughed it off, or ignored it? What would you have done?

When I was a child in the 70s everyone called the corner shop this because it meant that it opened late and on s Sunday. No English ones did in the 70s.

As a nurse the Indian born nurses referred to 'the pakkis' it was quite commen.

I have acquaintances who would still use this expression. I don't and wouldn't dream of it but both my parents do.

I had a patient wanting to see a "regular" Doctor today and not one of the "foreign locums". After about 20 seconds of silence from me, she asked if I was still there. I said I'm not commenting on that, they are all qualified and experienced GPs.

As far as I'm concerned these lovely Locum GPs are British but with a different culture/heritage. I have never had patients from other cultures refusing an appointment with a GP based on their colour or perceived country of birth.

I was once assessing someone for a particular role and she used that word. When I challenged her on
It she didn't see it as a problem because it was a private conversation between two white people, in her opinion. I asked her if she thought my Pakistani boss would agree.

It's a word that varies hugely with context. Lots of Pakistani people use it in an informal way - I think a bit like we might say 'Brits'. But because of its history as a term of racist abuse in the UK I think that it is wrong for anyone who isn't Pakistani / of Pakistani heritage to use it. I think most people know this, and that white people using it and saying it's like 'Brit' and not a problem are most likely being disingenuous.

I think you were right to say something. If she genuinely didn't know that it was offensive (unlikely but possible I suppose) then you've done her a massive favour.

inyournightdress what was her response?

(And I agree Sandsnake )

A friend of mine used the word 'dyke' recently. It bothered me so I later checked with another friend who's a lesbian that this was indeed an offensive term (I was pretty sure it was), and she replied that it has only ever been used towards her as an insult. So I texted the friend who'd said it and politely pointed out that by the way it wasn't a nice word to use. She was mortified and will certainly never do it again! People don't always think or realise what they're saying, and just a 'you can't really say that any more, you know' can help change things bit by bit.

I am 33 and in my lifetime this has always been unacceptable.

Hm, I don't think you were necessarily wrong to say anything, but I don't like threads like this. I think they're a bit disingenuous. Maybe a bit of virtue-signalling. Like, "look how good and against racism I am". Maybe this doesn't apply to you, OP, but threads like this always read that way to me.

Wow, that makes me feel really sad that this could be taken that way at all.
It was a genuine question. Am I really challenging the behaviour when I know she didn't mean it in a racist way?

It's all too easy to say nothing. Well
done you!

Casual racism is still racism. No excuses.

tofutti she had lots of excuses, said that 'oh they call themselves that now' told me she'd seen it on someone's car number plate. Basically anything but admit that it was unacceptable language and she shouldn't have used it. Surprise to say her application didn't go much further.

I had a massive row with FIL once over this - calling his local shop 'the pakis' he said it was fine as he had been friends with the man in the shop for 20 years - didn't actually know his name though!

I did point out that he wouldn't want to be called Jock (he was Scottish) which shut him up