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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

That if a girl goes missing from school all parents should be alerted immediately.

46 replies

FRETGNIKCUF · 20/10/2016 16:48

So I'm walking to collect my children from an after school club at 4pm.

I meet a parent who asks if I have seen a girl.

She's missing.

I get to school having wondered why I had seen a few teachers looking frantic on my way. All teachers cars are there, a few more arriving.

The girl is not, from the few times I've talked to her, NT.

Surely a text to parents, considering it's a state school and everyone lives close, would be prudent?

When I lost my dd 6, they were ready to instantly seal off the mall.

OP posts:

AllPowerfulLizardPerson · 20/10/2016 17:26

I took that as 'hoping someone will explain' - pretty reasonable thoughtful you tend to assume a school acts correctly but you don't know what the reasons are, and hope a friendly MNetter will

BarbarianMum · 20/10/2016 17:26

Well I guess I am missing something as I can't think of a good reason why you would be .

It may be that the police decide to put an appeal out to people in the area, but that's not the same thing as putting one out to parents.

RawPrawn · 20/10/2016 17:29

Why on earth would the school want to provoke a firestorm of panic, rumour, gossip, inept search attempts, hysteria, Facebook rioting and pitchforking mobs?

SexTrainGlue · 20/10/2016 17:30

I do hope this thread isn't going to turn in to PA bingo.

No, no everyone does have the same levels of knowledge and experience. And even if you don't like someone's prose style, it's still ok for them to ask. If readers need clarification, fine, that's ok to ask too.

My 'missing something' is understanding the need to bang on about it.

RawPrawn · 20/10/2016 17:30

By this logic, I ought to get a call from Plod every time someone's house is broken into, just so I can put the chain on

MycatsaPirate · 20/10/2016 17:33

I'm in a facebook group for my DD's school and something as minor as a lost jumper can cause all sorts of muttering.

A parents car got keyed up the road the other day ... they are still banging on about it today.

If they had a notification from the school of a missing child the group would go into meltdown and probably wouldn't aid anything at all except to cause gossip and speculation which the missing child's parents would be able to read.

Plus all the 'are you ok hun?' posts or 'have you heard anything hun?'

No. Just no.

TheNaze73 · 20/10/2016 17:34

I think texting everyone, would be a tad OTT & would fuel the gossips

trulybadlydeeply · 20/10/2016 17:36

Our police force are very prompt at putting info on FB, Twitter etc to be shared as soon as a child is missing and they want to alert everyone. It is then shared and spread like wildfire and the majority of parents are well aware. In this way they have made the decision to involve the public, until then, they may have very good reasons why they don't want the public aware.

BoomBoomsCousin · 20/10/2016 17:37

I don't see what would be accomplished by an immediate text to all parents. What are those parents supposed to do with the information?

Fairenuff · 20/10/2016 17:37

Maybe the missing girl wouldn't want the whole neighbourhood, the whole school and all the parents to know that she had left without permission/forgotten to say/walked off in a strop or whatever it was that happened.

BillSykesDog · 20/10/2016 17:38

There's no guarantee that all parents are benign either. It might well alert parents (and anybody else unsavoury who picked up on the word) that a young child was alone and vulnerable in that area.

TheColonelAdoresPuffins · 20/10/2016 17:56

Why on earth would the school want to provoke a firestorm of panic, rumour, gossip, inept search attempts, hysteria, Facebook rioting and pitchforking mobs?
You must know the parents at my dc primary school.

gillybeanz · 20/10/2016 17:58

Why on earth would everyone else need to know?
It should be more important to find the lost child, surely.
I'm not sure what I'd think if I got such a message, maybe call them to see if they'd contacted me by mistake, rather than the child's parents.
If others did the same it would be bloody chaos at a time requiring calm.
Bit of a daft suggestion OP.

Original poster

FRETGNIKCUF · 20/10/2016 18:01

The school is at the very centre of a small catchment, a large newly built couple of estates. My logic, although clearly rather flawed, thought that as teachers were looking in the estates and nearby areas that to alert as many people as possible in those areas would be a good idea.

Otherwise why are the teachers looking?

OP posts:

Original poster

FRETGNIKCUF · 20/10/2016 18:02

It's not that everyone needs to know! It would be so that everyone could look.

OP posts:

livalot · 20/10/2016 18:04

The number one priority is to find the child. Whatever it takes.

You need to find out when she went missing and if anybody from the school noticed her walking out alone. I am sure that the Police will want to talk to as many of her school and classmates as possible, to see if anybody noticed anything and can give important information. This will of course mean contacting other parents of the school so that these other children can be questioned.

Note3 · 20/10/2016 18:09

If it's anything like our school where my children go then a child aged 5 walked home in the middle of school day (involving crossing a busy main road) and the head refused to discuss with anyone. Wasn't impressed at all.

FluffyPineapple · 20/10/2016 18:26

I'm sure school will be aware of the facts of when the child went missing and how best to deal with it. There's a big difference between being missing all day and having a tantrum and running out of class within the last 5 minutes or so.

I'm sure the child's parents were informed. There is no need for other parents to be informed unless the situation becomes a cause for concern and their help is needed.

BoomBoomsCousin · 20/10/2016 18:26

To be effective as a search tool such a message would really need to have a photo attached or you're going to get every child on their own being hassled by passing parents.

That sort of thing needs an individual assessment as to how much risk the child is likely to be in, and in any case I would think would probably be better done by handing out flyers to people actually in the area or in areas the child might be expected to go to rather than texting hundreds of people, many of whom won't be anywhere near the school at the time.

Liiinoo · 20/10/2016 18:37

It could well be that they know or have a good idea where she is (a disgruntled ex has collected her or she's run off to her Grannie's after a row with her mum or been groomed online, all sorts of scenarios are possible)m In that situation it would be more sensible to let the school/police/parents/carers crack on with looking for her quickly and discreetly rather than sending a community into a panic. Or starting rumours along the lines of my suggestions above.

Balletgirlmum · 20/10/2016 18:49

Absolutely not.

When DS went missing it was bad enough all the flurry of texts & messages from his classmates parents whilst we were trying to work out where he would be & also once he was found dealing with the fallout. M
I didn't want everyone knowing what had gone on (basically an autistic meltdown)

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