Think this was meant to guilt trip me?

[blondieblondie]

DS stays with ex every other Saturday. Ex asked me last week if DS could stay with me on his next Saturday as he had plans. He said if not, it was fine he would find someone else to have him. I said I thought I had something on, but would get back to him. No mention of it from him since. Today I texted and asked something about it and he replied saying that when he didn't hear back from me, he changed his plans so DS can stay there as normal.

AIBU to think he didn't need to change his plans because of me and shouldn't imply that he did? It was his intention to get someone else to have DS if I couldn't do it, so why not make a back up plan or ask me again, instead of making out they had to change their plans because of me?

I know I'm probably being irrational, but it's pissed me off!

Even if he has cut off his nose to spite his face, that would still be his problem, not yours, so rise above it. If it is true that he is trying to rile you by lying about the reason for the change of plans, as you suspect, even more reason to rise above it.

I think you're just looking for a reason to be irritated with him.

Oh god does it matter it's a complete non issue its only you making it one

And I say that as someone who spends a lot of time irritated with my ex!

Let it go. You don't have to accommodate him when he has your child. If it's convenient then you do if you want to, if it's not then you don't.

Whether or not he was trying to guilt you is really irrelevant. Don't get tied up in trying to figure out hidden meanings that may or may not be there.

It was you who asked me the question, Milky?

Yes. Soup, quite possible. This text conversation was shortly after another unrelated one with him that had also pissed me off slighly (rightly or wrongly), so I probably am just misreading and jumping on everything today, thinking this was him retaliating for earlier.

He doesnt even register on the same arsehole scale as some I read about in here.

I'm over it!

My ex was like this.

I would only make plans for the weekends that I knew he had the kids, he would make plans regardless and then ask me swap. If I said no, I already had commitments then he would make it out to be my fault that he had to cancel. He would never accept that it was his own fault for disregarding the access agreement and expecting me to just fall in.

Since I said no every single time, he has stopped doing it, and I am happier to swap when he genuinely needs to because he doesnt take the piss anymore.

I know I did I personally just don't think it matters how he wrote it!

Glad you're over it

I think this is your issue really.

Making back up plans with someone else involved isn't always possible - one thing to ask someone to have him, another thing to ask if they could make sure to be free just in case they're needed. Not the kind of thing you can ask.

If he'd have just said "we changed our plans, I'll have him" without telling you why, you'd probably have come on here moaning that he'd asked you to swap weekends but because he subsequently changed plans so easily he obviously didn't really need you to swap and only asked to cause you inconvenience and he didn't even do you the courtesy of explaining why blah blah

No wonder things can get so acrimonious between exes...

I don't think he's guilt tripping you.

Just sounds like his plans have changed - whether he chose to or they just fell through on their own shouldn't be any of your concern.

You didn't get back to him......

Maybe he has cancelled his plans because you didn't get back. You say he's left it late to arrange anyway. Is it possible he just didn't think that maybe he could have someone as a ready made plan b?

Although there's also the question of why he just didn't chase you? Can't have been anything important he needed to do.

Yes, he was being a passive aggressive twat, and the ONLY way to deal with it is not to comment. I'm sure he'll be more than happy to lock horns if you want to bring it up, best thing to do with drama queens is to starve them of drama.

'Passive aggressive twat'

Odd responses here OP, I totally get what you mean!

He told you his plans were going ahead, the only question was whether you or one of his relatives would be having your DS, then placed the 'blame' for his plans falling through on you.

Passive aggressive twat.

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