Have NC just because if friend happened to come across it I wouldn't want her to find my posting history on here.
Friend and I have been close for a long time- sometimes location/ life/ work have got in the way over the years but we have always stayed in touch and at least remained close over text if we can't meet in person.
Earlier in the year, I became involved with a guy and we are now in a relationship, this happened around the same time as the breakdown of her relationship with her boyfriend of four years. She has taken the breakup surprisingly well, although obviously has had times where she is angry/ confused/ upset as the reasoning for the breakup didn't make sense and he has been an arse about it.
I (and my boyfriend) who she gets on well with, have made a conscious effort to be there for her over the past couple of months- making sure she knew she was welcome to join us when we went out (they live in the same hometown, i travel there to see him) so that she didn't have to be at home alone if she didn't want to. I have given her lifts to a few places as she doesn't drive and her bf used to drive her everywhere, and had phonecalls from her when she has been drunk and a bit crazy (turning up outside his house at stupid oclock etc) which I have been getting a bit fed up with but I take the time to listen and be kind as I know breaking up from a long-term relationship throws your whole life into disorder until you are able to stop hurting and get used to new routines etc.
I don't mind doing any of this- she is one of my oldest and best friends and whilst I am really happy atm I am careful not to shout too loud about it and be insensitive. She doesn't seem to afford me the same courtesy though.
She is horrible about my relationship- she mocks and badmouths my partner and twists things I have said about him to make him out to be awful- he is not. When asking me about him, she refers to him as "prick" ie. "Is prick in the pub tonight?" "What are you and prick up to? I fancy going out if you are out" etc. I try not to make a big deal of this and will reply with "I assume you are referring to DBf" and leave it there then answer her question, but it fucking grates on me.
She openly mocks/ disapproves of how we choose to spend our time together- slags of the places we socialise in, calls him to the lowest because in 10 months of going out he has never taken me out for a posh meal or away for the weekend or similar. I don't want this, we spend our time together doing things we both find enjoyable- concerts, watching sport, going for walks, the beach. I have never been impressed by people who "splash the cash" for dates and I don't feel like I'm missing out but she seems to think it shows he's not a man because he doesn't "treat me". I couldn't give a fuck, I'd rather go dutch on a bag of chips and a few drinks than sit awkwardly over a table not knowing what to say/do because neither of us would feel at ease in that environment. She thinks our relationship is a big joke and has said as much.
She seems to want to involve herself in my relationship. I'm not sure if it's because she has nothing better to focus on at the minute but she will do childish things like speak to him "on my behalf" despite me not asking her to (why would I?). Then say "you're welcome" if she finds out some piece of information she thinks I'd be interested in, as if she's done me a favour. We are almost 30- I don't need my friend to play middle man in my relationship, especially since most of what she says seems to be what she thinks and nothing really to do with me. I was annoyed at him for even entertaining it at the time but I think he was pretty shocked and sh is very forward/ pushy. This has caused friction between boyfriend and I as she will hold onto information for weeks, then throw a twisted version of it into conversation later on and I can see no other reason why she would do this other than to cause trouble.
I have another very old male friend. I have known him longer than her and he has drifted in and out of my life for about 15 years. On two or three occasions we have let our relationship become more than a friendship, but it never works out and causes tension which results in us not speaking for months on end. When I mentioned he had recently been back in touch with me she basically instructed me that I must ignore him because he would "fuck everything up" and basically implied that I was so weak that if I didn't stop talking to him immediately i would end up back in his arms and throwing away my current relationship for him. When I told her nothing could be further from the truth, that I love my boyfriend and any old fleeting feelings I had for my friend were no longer there, she just smirked and said "we'll see". I am pissed off that she thinks I am so weak and fickle that I would jeopardise what I have at the drop of a hat.
DBf and I have discussed moving in together- she has basically shit all over this idea, apparently he is a waste of space who is no good for me or my son and she "has concerns" and "doesn't like the idea at all". My boyfriend is a sensible guy, he has a decent, steady job, is very good with my son and has never been anything but kind to both of us and happy to take things at my pace. There is no truth to what she is saying and to be honest I think she is bitter that her relationship of four years never really moved forward in the same way. Again, what pisses me off is her "concern" for my son and the implication that I am running into this blindly without even thinking of him, as if I need her to tell me what I should be doing as a parent.
To be honest, when she was happy and involved with her boyfriend, she very rarely made time for me, she has never once visited me at or near my home even though I was alone with no partner for years and a young son, I still had to travel to her. Less effort was made by her in general to arrange meetups etc and now I feel like I see her more often because she has no-one else to spend her time with.
AIBU to want to put some distance between us? Especially now that I'll be moving much nearer to her- I don't want a third person in my relationship and I don't want her thinking it's ok to be so awful to my partner when he has been nothing but kind to her.
I have tried to tell her I'm fed up with defending my relationship to her/ unhappy with how she speaks about DBf but she just says it's in her nature to be protective and that's what she's doing. She doesn't take any sort of criticism on board from anyone.