Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Apologies, not an aibu but advice needed please.

51 replies

lizb30 · 18/10/2016 11:55

I do apologise. I'm not sure which part of the forum to ask this on. I only read aibu and I know there's lots of people here.
My 11 year old daughter has to appear in magistrates court on Friday as a witness. There is currently a man on remand due to sexual assault on her. My question is what does she wear? I have myself sorted, i'm also a witness as she phoned me straight after. Haven't never been inside a court before I have no idea what would be appropriate for her given her age. She only wears casual clothes usually (jeans, hoodies, converse etc). Ofcourse I'm more than happy to buy her an appropriate outfit I just don't know where to start. Sorry again for posting in the wrong forum.
Thank you.

OP posts:

Liiinoo · 18/10/2016 12:33

It sounds like you are really worried about this. It does sound overwhelming. I hope it goes well.

2kids2dogsnosense · 18/10/2016 12:34

Your poor girl! I hope this ordeal isn't too harrowing former (or you). She is being remarkably brave. I think you have brought her up feeling well-supported and confident to know that she doesn't have to put up with this sort of treatment form anyone., and that is greatly to your credit.

There is another thread at present about sexual abuse/harrassment, and one of the saddest things is the number of girls and women who had been conditioned to believe that if anything happened it was their fault (doesn't happen to "nice" girls, you see._

I hope that justice is done, but even if he isn't convicted (for whatever reason), your daughter has done the right thing. She's being amazing!

2kids2dogsnosense · 18/10/2016 12:34

for her - not former

pregnantat50 · 18/10/2016 12:35

I dont think the defendant will be able to see her in the court though, normally its via a video, hope this helps

botanically · 18/10/2016 12:35

As she's only 11 I would assume there's no expectation for her to be dressed smartly or anything like that. Just ordinary clothes she'd wear at the weekend would be fine would it not?

So sorry this has happened to her :(

Sundance01 · 18/10/2016 12:37

Contrary to the image portrayed by the media most defendants wear jeans and hoodies! If our justice system bases its decisions on what people wear our country is in a poor state.

Let her wear what she feels comfortable in - she is not on trial and you need to make sure nothing gives the impression that she is.

JustHappy3 · 18/10/2016 12:38

I would have said a school uniform - but a generic one from Tesco, Sains, Asda etc rather than an identifying branded actual one.
She may want to just bin those clothes if they remind her of the experience.
for her and you.

Lireal · 18/10/2016 12:39

I wouldn't put her in school uniform. Just smart trousers/skirt and a smart, plain knit jumper/ blouse. Hope all goes easily for you both.

Original poster

lizb30 · 18/10/2016 12:43

Thank you. I'll let her wear her normal clothes. If she chooses to wear her uniform I wouldn't allow her to wear her jumper, tie and blazer anyway.
I am very very proud of her. She has been truly amazing through this. She's been more.upset incase it was another girl who wouldn't have known to escape him and report it back. I know she's mine and I'm not one for "my child" but she really is a fabulous girl with a heart of gold. I'm just truly gutted this has happened to her. Shes determined to get justice to stop him from doing it again to someone else.
The police and cps have been amazing and couldn't sing her praises high enough. I'll let you know how it goes. Thank you everyone.

OP posts:

ErrolTheDragon · 18/10/2016 12:59

She sounds like a wonderful, brave girl. Best wishes to both of you.

Original poster

lizb30 · 21/10/2016 22:46

I just wanted to do a quick update as a kind member has inboxed me to ask how it went today.
I was informed this morning that he'd changed his plea to guilty so my daughter wasn't needed I'm court. He's been sentenced to 6 months in prison, he'll be on the sex offenders register for 7 years and can not approach or speak to my daughter in any way. He's aso not allowed to approach or communicate to anyone under the age of 16, banned from our street and the local park.
I'm happy with the outcome. My daughter can now move on from this knowing justice has been done. Ofcourse it goes without saying that I'm always here to support her anytime she needs to talk about it or for anything else for that matter. For now she's just relieved.
She's been amazing and we're very proud of her.
Thank you to everyone who replied, I really appreciate it.

OP posts:

Original poster

lizb30 · 21/10/2016 22:48

Auto correct kicked in while typing. I can't edit my post.

OP posts:

Liiinoo · 21/10/2016 22:55

Thank you so much for updating. I am so pleased for you and for her that she didn't have to give any further evidence and will be safe from this man.

I hope you and your family have a wonderful weekend .

Original poster

lizb30 · 21/10/2016 22:59

Thank you 😊

OP posts:

ErrolTheDragon · 21/10/2016 23:00

Oh whew, thats good. You and your DD sound like a great pair.

nonameavaliable · 21/10/2016 23:00

Great news.

Can I just say a very well done to your dd for being so brave and calm. Your clearly an amazing mum to an incredible daughter.

wigglesrock · 21/10/2016 23:03

I'm glad that he changed his plea, I thought of you and your daughter today. Best of luck to you and your lovely daughter.

PaniWahine · 21/10/2016 23:25

First of all, I'm so sorry this happened to your little girl. I was in a similar situation as a child only a bit older than your DD. When I went to court (unfortunately without a screen), I wore what made me feel comfortable - in my case jeans, trainers and a plain sweatshirt. I needed to feel asexual I think, but so long as she is clean and tidy, she'll be fine.

big hugs hope it goes as well as possible

Allalonenow · 21/10/2016 23:34

What a relief for you and your brave daughter.

Hoping she is able to put this behind her, and move on to a bright future.

Bloopbleep · 21/10/2016 23:38

What a relief for your daughter. Now she can start to properly heal - much love to you both

Original poster

lizb30 · 21/10/2016 23:42

Thanks again everyone. I'm over the moon that it's over so she can get some closure. Everyone involved has been amazing. I can't praise the police, cps and witness protection highly enough. I'll be forever greatful to them all for how they've handled it. Fabulous people and I've made a point in telling them this too.

OP posts:

WhisperingLoudly · 21/10/2016 23:47

I saw this is active and was going to give advice on dress.

I'm so pleased your DD was spared the misery of a trial. I wish her all the best.

DanGleballs · 22/10/2016 01:09

I'm so pleased she didn't have to give evidence, that would have been horrendous.

In my experience the fact that he pled guilty and has been punished will help her massively. It was the feeling of not being believed that hurt me the most.

Please sort her out some specialised counselling though, I waited 30 years and wish I hadn't.

justilou · 22/10/2016 03:47

Your poor girl! Please tell her that something similar happened to me and I wasn't brave enough to press charges and have wished that I had every day of my life since. I am very grateful that she has the strength to go through with this - and very, very proud of her.
One thing I would recommend is encouraging her to wear something that doesn't make her loon older, more mature or remotely sophisticated. Emphasize her youth instead.
Please wish her luck from me and give her a great big cuddle!

Brocollili · 22/10/2016 06:45

Great news

Flip

1 2 3