parents buying a new house and think they're making a mistake

[burnishedgold]

...but I think I need to let them make the mistake.

Parents are selling their current home, which they built and have been in for nearly 40 yrs. It is beautiful and has many "wows" and unique features, but we have known they will need to sell as its too big and time consuming to maintain (they are now in their 70's). We have known they would sell for some time and I dont think this is the cause of my concern (much as I loved their current home) as its absolutely the right thing to do. They have accepted a good offer, but this seems to have sent them into a panic and they have now put an offer in on a house which is probably the last house I would have ever chosen for them.

Nothing wrong with the house per se and I am sure many people would be happy to live there, but its very plane (1990's build), quite small boxy rooms (their house was largely open plan) and on a small estate of 6 houses all of which are identical. My parents have always danced to their own tune, never had neighbors and have always been quite into design (they have quite a bit of eames and other mid century pieces). They have been gently snobbish over the years about what they would see as "run of the mill" houses, and I can remember them bemoaning having to holiday at my grandparents 1950's brick council house.

I am therefore super surprised at their choice of house. When I have gently pushed them, they have said that it ticks most of the practical boxes, which it does, although its also not long term practical as its still quite big and has no downstairs bedroom for example.

I am worried they have panicked after their house sold more quickly and expensive and at their age are nervous about costs (eg of renting) or anything which needs work. I am really worried that they will hate living there (and are unlikely to have the budget to move again). But I don't want to be brutal about a house they may still buy despite anything I say, as I dont want to upset them.

I am also conscious that there may be some of my feelings in this, both that it makes explicit that they are no longer as able as they once were (or as DH puts it, that they are waiting to die!) and also, selfishly, as we would normally spend holidays with them (they live quite far away) and there is nothing which I would look forward to in staying in this house.

So AIBU? Do I say anything more (they know I don't really like the house but we haven't discussed it in any detail). Have anyone else's parents downsized?

Could you ask your parents if they think they will be happy in the new house? And open a conversation with them about what it is they are looking for from the move? I think it's fine to explore their options without criticising their choices IYSWIM.

My mother bought her present home at 73. She was looking at cottages with narrow stairs, bunglows on a hill with steep drives, miles from bus stops and other houses I thought were totally unsuitable but lovely houses.
So me being my mouthy bossy self took her out to lunch and had a heart to heart about the future, how long did she see herself in this house, how did she plan on getting upstairs to the loo a bazzillion times a day if she was feeling a bit under the weather, or god forbid got proper ill. All these things she had answers for. So I said how about we look at everything that I think might make more sense for a person getting older, and possibly less mobile so she'd not have to ever go through the stress of trying to sell and move again. She reluctantly agreed.
Luckily we went to lots of retirement apartments and met so many lovely lively friendly people.
She ended up deciding to buy a nice 2 bed apartment and continues to be active, drives all over and has a huge group of new friends she meets for coffee or a game of cards.
If she had bought one of the houses, she would have been cut off and eventually would have needed to sell again and move.

I think that you need to leave them to it on the whole, though I would raise with them whether it would be good to have a place with downstairs bedroom or second reception in case they suffer mobility issues at any point. That said my GGran managed with limited mobility and a stair lift till her mid 90's, and my grandparents are still managing upstairs in their house in their late 80's, but they have a second reception room downstairs they can convert if needed, and a bathroom downstairs that could be modified.

My parents nearly downsized to a house on the edge of a stupidly expensive private estate (so the house was affordable but the service charges were £££), not in walking distance of anything except a golf course, no neighbours to speak to. Mum had just given up driving.

Thankfully their builder did a survey and just said "No."
Local estate agents all rallied round as their house was about to be exchanged, and they were shown one that's just outside where they were looking, but walking distance to a high street and buses, short drive or easy cab to 3 stations and everything else including old town, and most importantly doesn't have the rambling outdoor spaces or ease of burglary.

They've organised their life so they don't need to go up and down the stairs that much (kettle, tea, mini fridge upstairs, so leisurely morning), and there's space for temporary downstairs beds. At some point they will want and need a small flat instead of a 4-bed house, but they aren't there yet and with luck will have another decade where they are.

Sounds like lots of plusses with your parents' place - they can decorate and enjoy its advantages.