Should DH 'correct' our children's accents?

[OohMavis]

Or, rather, encourage them to speak 'properly'

Because I'm not convinced he should. He obviously thinks otherwise.

DH was raised in London, me in Kent. I have a typical Kentish accent, a tiny bit on the posher side, I pronounce my Ts in most cases for example, etc. His is similar.

We live in a small town in Kent where the accent is parodied locally for being 'rough'. It's just a bit cockney really, there's nothing wrong with it imo. Since moving here though 6yo DS has started mimicking it a bit, particularly since starting school. Small things like saying 'wha'ever' instead of 'whatever'. Lots of glottal stops and elongating of words. Hard to explain without saying it out loud.

Anyway, every time he does this, DH corrects him. Not in a shouty or cross way, but he'll repeat the word back to him and DS will usually restart his sentence using 'proper' pronunciation of his own volition. He doesn't seem to mind being corrected at the moment but I can see it really annoying him before long. It would irritate me to be constantly corrected on the way I speak.

DH thinks that speaking 'properly', as he calls it, will give him an advantage when he grows up with looking for jobs, and genuinely believes that people with our accent sound more intelligent than those with a cockney one. It's strange because he's not a snob at all, he grew up poor in South London and has no idea of himself as somehow better than anyone else. His grandmother (who raised him) just made him speak properly he says, and he is glad she did.

I think it's completely natural and fine to adopt the accent of the place you live. I don't see anything wrong with DS sounding like his friends. I also think it makes DH seem like a nitpicking bore and DS will not appreciate it at all - it's not like the local accent will change, he'll have to adapt his speech all the time he spends time around his friends.

Who is BU?

[LunaLoveg00d]

Having an accent and speaking properly are two different things.

We are Scottish, the kids have Scottish accents and don't sound like they're living in the Home Counties. I'm fine with that, having an accent is not a "bad thing". But I won't put up with "I seen my friend" or "I done my homework" even if lots of other people say it.

[ample]

Your DH isn't being completely unresasonable. You can't really duck & dive from a local accent if you are growing up there. However correcting the likes of 'wha'ever is a good thing imo.
Is it a case of regional accent or just bad English? (Genuine question) I'm thinking its more the latter? 🤔

We moved to the East Midlands and my DD (all of us really) have a posher accent than most here garage for us does not rhyme with carriage.
At school she has been told she 'talks posh' but she doesn't have a problem with it. DD has a ever-so slight local accent coming through but to me, the way she speaks at home - and we do correct her at times - will stand her in good stead.

[MrsPear]

To give your child any chance in the world of work beyond the shop floor you must make sure they learn how to control their accent. I have the worst English accent and would never get any job that uses my degree if I didn't know how to hold it in.

[MagikarpetRide]

storm I suspect you are right about the towie accent not being a real Essex accent. I'm not native but dh and family are, many friends are and most don't speak anything like that. I don't hear it much in the school yard either. However we notice it a lot in the 18-24 ish demographic.

[ThenLaterWhenItGotDark]

"beyond the shop floor"

Oddly, I am from the East Midlands, went to university in Salford, worked in Liverpool and now work in Kent.

I have a very good job and am the hirer and firer in it.

Many Mners (and not only) will be pleased to hear I'm not a twatty snob who thinks anyone with an accent should be mopping my office.

[idontlikealdi]

I'm continually correcting DTs - SE London. It's a bit of a battle when the head teacher doesn't even speak properly - think replacing 'th' with 'v'.

It's lazy, incorrect and it's not the same as having a regional accent e.g. brum. A Birmingham accent doesn't change the spelling of the actual word.

[Footle]

If you really want your child to develop a serious stammer, interrupt her every time she opens her mouth and tell her she's doing it all wrong.

[MargaretCavendish]

When dd started copying the other children there I made sure she stopped. I refused to answer her until she spoke properly. I judge adults that speak like that and I don't want that for her. The idiots on Towie sound beyond thick and it's just so fake.

You ignored a preschool child for speaking as she'd heard other people around her speak? I think you and your horrible and ignorant attitude are far more worthy of judgement than any accent.

[LucyLocketLostHerPocket]

Estuary English is not a lovely local accent. I grew up in NW Kent and my mum was adamant that we spoke properly at home and as we wished outside. this was the seventies and eighties but it has stood me in good stead and I appreciate it as an adult in the workplace although I didn't as a child.

I do the same now with my own DC. Lazy speech is just that and won't help them get on as adults.

[Gyderlily]

I thi k your husband is right, even if they don't pay much attention now/in the playground etc they will be able to fall in to correct pronunciation when necessary! We lived aboard til my daughter was 4 and somehow she managed to pick up a fairly well spoken English accent despite her main care givers all being Scottish! We have now lived somewhere in Scotland with quite a harsh local accent for 3 years and just recently Ive noticed a Scottish twang creeping in. Obviously this is inevitable but I do correct her when she says the odd thing in a strong accent, eg dropping t's in the middle of words (buh'er insterad of butter etc)

[Catsick36]

I'm with your husband, I'm born and bred Medway and hate the sound of it. I've spent 18 years correcting my daughter and I am very happy with how she sounds now. The ability to adapt and speak confidently in whatever environment you're in is a great skill.

[MargaretCavendish]

What do people even mean when they say it's 'lazy'? Are other people constantly exhausted by the effort of making t and th sounds and resent others for sidestepping this terrible chore? I suppose it is clear that some of you are operating with very little brainpower, so perhaps this is rather harder for you?

[blueskyinmarch]

I think your DH is right.

We always corrected our DD’s. We are Scottish and I had a very regional Scottish accent as a youngster. When i went to uni none of the English people understood a word i said. I changed my accent pretty quickly. My DH has a lovely Scottish accent and speaks nicely thanks to his English teacher mother.

My DD’s have very definite Scottish accents but speak very nicely. DD1 works in London and it has been an asset for her to be both Scottish but well spoken.

[Maursh]

I think there is a confusion between accent and pronunciation. Your DH seems to be correcting pronunciation...you cannot really correct for accent, since it will become embedded through exposure.

I do not think that your DH is BU for correcting pronunciation. It is a problem for writing at your DCs age. Ie Som'it rather than something, how would this be written phonetically. Wiv rather than with and so on. And that chestnut: should or could of instead of have

It's not about a regional accent which can be put down to area or class if you really want to: it is about developing poor literacy habits because a child cannot pronounce words properly

[Dozer]

I'd correct pronunciation and/or grammar.

[JackShit]

Apart from MargaretCavendish I cannot believe what I'm reading

[museumum]

The most successful children know that how you speak to your parents or teachers and how you speak to your friends is different.
I think it's fine to insist on good pronunciation at home but acknowledge that's not how they'll talk to their friends.

[WuTangFlan]

Your DH is being a bit old fashioned. RP (Received Pronunciation) has evolved. The Royals use glottal stops, linguistic signifiers have shifted.

"Prince Harry frequently glottalizes his t's.[12] One study carried out by Anne Fabricius suggests that t-glottalization is increasing in RP, the reason for this being the dialect levelling of the Southeast." link

"As more and more people of working class background have begun to occupy positions of power – some characteristics of more regional southern English accents have started to creep into the crystal tones of Received Pronunciation. “There are now those who speak a more modern form that verges on ‘estuary’ English, which is a mixture of RP and cockney"
Has the Queen become frightfully common article

[museumum]

That's not to say all accents are bad. There are more and less formal versions of all accents. I speak educated Scots accent st work, not the street slang trainspottung accent I grew up around.

[TreehouseTales]

We're constantly correcting to and th for v, key culprits are wa'er (water) bo'le (bottle) bu'er (butter). And muvver, bruvver.

We live in a low income area and it's how most children's and their parents speak so it does sometimes feel hard to justify fy telling them to speak "properly" but it so grates.

I feel sending them to the school I have is going to make it a losing battle. One of the multitude of things uou pay for with private school...

[TellMeStraight]

I think there's not much lovelier sounding than a regional accent spoken properly and with correct grammar.

We were in Devon over the summer and I only heard one regional accent the whole time.

30 years ago in my own home county you used to be able to go from the villages to the city a few miles away and hear an immediate change in accent. Both regional but subtly different. It's been years since I've heard a local farmer with an accent so thick I could barely understand him.

It's nice to keep accents alive. It's not nice to drop your Ts - that just lazy.

[GrumpyOldBag]

I think your husband is doing the right thing, as long as he is doing it in a nice non-aggressive way. Speaking correctly is part of good education.

[shovetheholly]

I think you need to interrogate why one neutral middle class accent is considered "correct" and all the others "wrong" - and it's always "wrong" with "common" lurking in the background.

It's class snobbery at its worst. You can perpetuate it by trying to maintain artificial distinctions of 'correct' and 'incorrect', or you can stand against it and let your DS take on some of the linguistic character of the place that is shaping him, in the knowledge that it won't matter to anyone who is decent.

[ChocChocPorridge]

I'm from the wilds of Kent myself (parents from other sides of London) - I speak quite well - do generally do my Ts, definitely do my THs etc.

My kids I just try to make sure they can speak well when they should, and otherwise let it ride (which is how I treat my own accent) - although DS1 still does Fumb and Finger which I do find a bit grating. As Museumum says, kids are completely capable of speaking in a different accent to grandparents and friends, and that's totally normal (you should hear my DS's accents at their international school - it gets quite exotic!)

[Twatty]

I have an accent, my dc have mixed accents. There is nothing wrong with accents.

But dropping 't' and 'h' and full words from sentences. Is not about an accent.

Up and down the country in all various accents these are the common things that parents over generations have corrected, because its not about the accent its about speaking clearly.