Should DH 'correct' our children's accents?

[OohMavis]

Or, rather, encourage them to speak 'properly'

Because I'm not convinced he should. He obviously thinks otherwise.

DH was raised in London, me in Kent. I have a typical Kentish accent, a tiny bit on the posher side, I pronounce my Ts in most cases for example, etc. His is similar.

We live in a small town in Kent where the accent is parodied locally for being 'rough'. It's just a bit cockney really, there's nothing wrong with it imo. Since moving here though 6yo DS has started mimicking it a bit, particularly since starting school. Small things like saying 'wha'ever' instead of 'whatever'. Lots of glottal stops and elongating of words. Hard to explain without saying it out loud.

Anyway, every time he does this, DH corrects him. Not in a shouty or cross way, but he'll repeat the word back to him and DS will usually restart his sentence using 'proper' pronunciation of his own volition. He doesn't seem to mind being corrected at the moment but I can see it really annoying him before long. It would irritate me to be constantly corrected on the way I speak.

DH thinks that speaking 'properly', as he calls it, will give him an advantage when he grows up with looking for jobs, and genuinely believes that people with our accent sound more intelligent than those with a cockney one. It's strange because he's not a snob at all, he grew up poor in South London and has no idea of himself as somehow better than anyone else. His grandmother (who raised him) just made him speak properly he says, and he is glad she did.

I think it's completely natural and fine to adopt the accent of the place you live. I don't see anything wrong with DS sounding like his friends. I also think it makes DH seem like a nitpicking bore and DS will not appreciate it at all - it's not like the local accent will change, he'll have to adapt his speech all the time he spends time around his friends.

Who is BU?

[wholettooth]

I have the opposite problem. My DC (naice state comp in SW) speak as though they've stopped for coffee in Sloane Square on the way back from Glyndebourne.
DH & I are flummoxed as neither of us has any particular accent.

[LouisvilleLlama]

I don't think it's proper accent but grammar/ pronunciation I'm not to fussed generally but it irritates me when I hear people from different parts of the country say something like " i go gym" when saying they've been to the gym

[user1469076810]

I agree with your husband.

I also live in that area. I do speak with an Estuary accent and so does my son - but with correct grammar (no 'you was' or 'youse') and without the uglier sounds that make it difficult for others to understand you and make learning spelling difficult. So no glottal , no dropped h's, no f's instead of th and the one I probably think is worst - no pronouncing the letter l as a w. I used to gently correct my son. My parents used to correct me. None of us developed a complex about it.

It does make a difference to how some people perceive you, rightly or wrongly. It means that people can understand us. I work with a woman with a strong local accent and it grates on my teeth. And others at work. Even though we work in that area, she is the only one with the extreme version of the accent.

[2410ang]

I think there's a difference between having an accent and correct pronunciation. My Dad constantly corrected my siblings and I for dropping h's and t's. Now I find myself doing it to my DC.

They don't mind it and always repeat the correct pronunciation just as I did when I was young.

I'm glad my Dad did tbh. I think it sounds better particularly in the workplace.

[charlestonchaplin]

Many people speak with different accents depending on the audience. It is good for your son to learn how to speak standard English (for future purposes) even though he will inevitably pick up the Cockney/Estuary English accent too.

[OohMavis]

I correct bad grammar and do ask DS to pronounce his Ts and Hs, because yeah it's lazy speech. But it's the overall accent DH doesn't like tbh. For example, DS will say 'raaahnd' instead of 'round' which is most definitely a regional accent thing and not incorrect really, just different (I will await to be corrected on that), and he'll correct that.

I agree that he's fighting a losing battle.

Interesting to see how many agree with him he'll like that.

[MargaretCavendish]

Wow. I can't believe how completely and openly prejudiced people are being about what is very clearly a class marker here. Actually saying you wouldn't employ someone whose accent includes glottal stops?

Sadly, given that people are this vile, snobby and ignorant I can see why your husband would want to control how the children speak.

[rollonthesummer]

With PPs - nothing wrong with a regional accent, but incorrect pronunciation and grammar should be corrected.

Absolutely.

Even if you are just teaching them how they 'should' speak in front of certain people (you, teachers, the person who serves them in the shop, the optician and then your boss/interviewer in the future etc) and then if they want to adapt this a bit when talking to their friends, then fine.

My DH definitely adapts his pretty posh (private-school educated) accent depending on who he speaks to.

[Bodicea]

I can understand it but I don' t think there is much you can do. Elocution lessons and sending them away to uni may help. I have a light northern Lancashire accent. Having moved around a bit as a child and going to uni down south it's quite watered down. My dh is lancashire through and through. He went to a northern uni too which didn't knock it out of him. It hasn't done his career much harm, although when he travels to London ( regularly) he occasionally comes acreoss bit of prejudice from the southern/home county types.
Personally I find his accent extremely attractive!

[Boomerwang]

As a kid I think your DH has got it spot on. He doesn't get mad about it, but he does remind. Hopefully this will at least help with learning to spell words correctly, even if he doesn't pronounce every letter.

Even South Londoner's don't always sound rough and like they've fallen off the back of a horse and cart as long as they grow up knowing how words are meant to be said.

Don't most people adjust their speech to match the occasion anyway?

Think about Birmingham. The poor Brummies have had stick for sounding stupid for years, and the accent is easy to distinguish. Plenty like to hide their accent, but it's difficult, and not something I'd expect a child - who needs to fit in - to have to do.

When your kid grows up he'll decide for himself whether his speech is working for or against him, surely?

(I have been known to break into a SL accent whenever I feel I'm being threatened because it gives off that Eastender's 'don't mess wiv me' vibe)

[Boomerwang]

Remove the start of my post 'as a kid' because it doesn't read well. I meant 'while your DS is still a child, your DH has it spot on'

[OhTheRoses]

An accent should be easy on the ear with the words properly pronounced.

[Bruce02]

Yabu. Ds is the habit of saying 'wo' instead of were. We correct him. He is 5 and is learning to read. So not pronouncing correctly makes it harder.

Changing an accent is different to correcting mispronunciation.

I speak differently at work than I do at home. Children should learn that sometimes you need to speak correctly, sometimes it's totally ok to not.

[LarrytheCucumber]

I always corrected my children Ds1 as an adult now has a local accent (but does not use the local idiom 'I were, we was' which I really would hate. DD has lived in Yorkshire for 22 years and although her grammar is good has adopted northern pronunciations. DS2 has a standard USB accent but swears like a trooper. Basically you can correct them as much as you like but they will make their own choices as adults.
FWIW I made a conscious effort not to speak with the local accent from the place I grew up in.

[MagikarpetRide]

We correct our dc when they say Rahnd instead of round and dahn instead of down. Our school (comp) highly encourage it too, again it doesn't help with spellings and reading.

[LarrytheCucumber]

USB? Not sure where that came from!

[BoomBoomsCousin]

I would encourage him to speak as his friends do when he''s with them and as you do when he's with you. being able to fit in to a wide range of groups is an excellent skill to develop and it doesn't need to be about one being "better" than the other.

[Titsdown]

I'm from SE London. Have just moved to darkest Kent with small children.

I'll be honest. It's an accent I was discouraged from as a child (I grew up near Bromlaaaay) and it's one I'll be trying to keep my DCs from adopting too enthusiastically.

I don't feel the same about other regional accents for some reason. But the Kentish/estuary accent is not easy on the ear.

[Stormwhale]

My dd has started preschool recently. There are children there whose parents clearly speak with the ridiculous essex accent that has become popular over recent years. It is not a true essex accent, it sounds bloody stupid. When dd started copying the other children there I made sure she stopped. I refused to answer her until she spoke properly. I judge adults that speak like that and I don't want that for her. The idiots on Towie sound beyond thick and it's just so fake.

[pugsake]

I'm from the north east funny enough my DC speak "posher" then me.

I do have a different phone voice or no one understands what I'm saying.

[LooseSeal]

I live in west Kent, where the estuary accent isn't as prevalent and DD hasn't really developed it. Most of my family live in east Kent and her cousins speech is full of glottal stops and lost ts. Hearing them speaking to one another DD automatically sounds more intelligent better educated, although she isn't by any means.

Some accents are lovely, and normally I hate the idea of people having to lose their accent to get on, but the estuary accent does no one any favours.

It's a shame the proper old Kentish burr has all but vanished, most of my grandparents peers spoke that way and it was lovely to listen to.

[LetsJunglyJumpToIt]

You can have an accent and still speak properly. My parents used to drive me mad correcting my speech, now I do it with my DC.

[FoggyMorn]

I grew up with a strong regional accent, and when I moved to the other end of the country for university, I struggled to make myself understood. It wasn't just the accent, it was the vocabulary too, as in, many lowland Scots words didn't exist in the north of Scotland, and when I mixed with locals, I was completely flummoxed by their accent and vocabulary, the Doric. I had to completely change the way I talk to be understood- still have an accent tho.

Our DC have been raised elsewhere and we always corrected our eldest DCs for dropping letters, i.e. Say water not wa'a. I don't think they liked it at the time but now they can fit in anywhere.

[JustMarriedBecca]

I worked at a law firm and graduate recruitment turned down a first class Oxbridge candidate for sounding too 'Geordie'. I left the firm shortly after but no, your husband is not being unreasonable.

[pugsake]

I do make an effort on mn to say proper words.

E.g. Children instead of kids (because some people don't like the word) whereas I'd never say children in real life iyswim.