Should DH 'correct' our children's accents?

[OohMavis]

Or, rather, encourage them to speak 'properly'

Because I'm not convinced he should. He obviously thinks otherwise.

DH was raised in London, me in Kent. I have a typical Kentish accent, a tiny bit on the posher side, I pronounce my Ts in most cases for example, etc. His is similar.

We live in a small town in Kent where the accent is parodied locally for being 'rough'. It's just a bit cockney really, there's nothing wrong with it imo. Since moving here though 6yo DS has started mimicking it a bit, particularly since starting school. Small things like saying 'wha'ever' instead of 'whatever'. Lots of glottal stops and elongating of words. Hard to explain without saying it out loud.

Anyway, every time he does this, DH corrects him. Not in a shouty or cross way, but he'll repeat the word back to him and DS will usually restart his sentence using 'proper' pronunciation of his own volition. He doesn't seem to mind being corrected at the moment but I can see it really annoying him before long. It would irritate me to be constantly corrected on the way I speak.

DH thinks that speaking 'properly', as he calls it, will give him an advantage when he grows up with looking for jobs, and genuinely believes that people with our accent sound more intelligent than those with a cockney one. It's strange because he's not a snob at all, he grew up poor in South London and has no idea of himself as somehow better than anyone else. His grandmother (who raised him) just made him speak properly he says, and he is glad she did.

I think it's completely natural and fine to adopt the accent of the place you live. I don't see anything wrong with DS sounding like his friends. I also think it makes DH seem like a nitpicking bore and DS will not appreciate it at all - it's not like the local accent will change, he'll have to adapt his speech all the time he spends time around his friends.

Who is BU?

[OhTheRoses]

You do know mavis that isn't how Kentish people speak? Are you a maid of Kent or a Kentish maid

[Ausernotanumber]

My ELDEST DS once said "pass me the butterwithatinit"



I'm with your DH.

[MrsHiddleston]

I have to admit I'd be correcting my children too. Especially missing out t and replacing th with ff. That's not correcting an accent in my opinion, you can have an accent and still pronounce words correctly. My accent is 'slightly agricultural' to use the words of a colleague (come from South West) but still pronounce all my words correctly albeit with a slight accent.

[myownprivateidaho]

There's nothing wrong with an accent, but I think your DH is right that a more RP accent gives you an unfair advantage in jobs. I'd do what he's doing.

[MagikarpetRide]

We live in TOWIE region. DD's school make a massive point about asking us to correct the kids on their pronunciations. So butter instead of bu'er. Using consonants instead of worlds that seem entirely made of vowels etc. There's been a big correlation of kids who speak more regionally failing phonics tests and struggling with spellings and reading.

Doesn't of course help that the next sentence they utter after the request is normally devoid of the letter t though.

[OhFuckOff]

I live in Pembrokeshire, my husband is from Swansea his accent is very different to mine, for instance he would say nevoo instead of nephew. All of the children have a slightly different accent to mine because of dh sounding more Welsh...except dd who is 6, who for some crazy reason speaks completely cockney . I never correct her though we do get some strange looks, and I've no idea where it's come from she has never met anyone with a cockney accent

[Slave2thecat]

I'm with your DH
My mum gently corrected my hiddeous accent into something more proper - I'm so glad she did. I honestly think my old accent would have been an issue as an adult.

[LouisvilleLlama]

I'm from Medway, I have the helpful but annoying habit of changing my speech and voice to match those around me after a short period. Suffice to say if you speak differently it will be noticed. Even as an adult when I come back to Medway from posher areas it's mentioned that I don't sound like I'm from rund ere. It will help them in the future if they move out of the area.', chathamese doesn't travel well I'm afraid and isolated to its origin it doesn't sound so bad but further a field it sounds awful

[cdtaylornats]

He is one man, he is competing with the rest of the town including your DC schoolmates in producing an accent. He is going to lose.

[Costacoffeeplease]

I'm with your husband too, yes the kids can fit in with their mates but it doesn't hurt to be able to speak 'properly' when the occasion demands

[ThenLaterWhenItGotDark]

Even the Queen's children don't speak Queen's English so I wouldn't be worrying about that one.

There is a huge difference (and misconception seemingly) between correcting an accent (losing battle, give up now, and anyway, no-one actually cares, unless they're total twats) and actual pronunciation errors.

"nuffink" is wrong.(I'm sure most MNers would roll their eyes and clutch their pearls if their child's teacher said "nuffink wrong wiv Junior's work" ; "nothing" said with the "o" sounding like the "o" in book, is not wrong. It's just an accent. No biggie.

[OhTheRoses]

Someone said interviewing. The glottal stop combined with an eyeful of gum does it from me. I don't care I they do the perfect interview and test, they won't be working in my department.

[LifeIsGoodish]

There's a fine line between accent and mispronunciation, and I'm with your dh on this. I'm not bothered by the regional variations in vowel sounds (with dh from one part of the country, me from another, and raising our family in s third part, I'd better be chilled about vowels!) but I won't allow my school to develop lazy speech habits.

Wa'evr an' sumfink, dropped aitches and lazy grammar get gently corrected in this house. As PPs have said, they can talk as they like to friends, but they need to be able to speak well in every other situation. It makes a huge difference to how they will be perceived by others.

[onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad]

Our younger son went through a phase of using glottal stops, dropping his Ts when he was aged 6- 8 so when he'd started at school - bu''er, be''er instead of butter and better for example. I corrected him by saying the word as it's spelt when he mispronounced it - gradually he stopped doing it. He's 15 now and doesn't do it at all anymore. I actually really like regional accents but hated him dropping his Ts - I'm glad now that I corrected him.

[ScarletOverkill]

I agree with your DH.
I'm guilty of correcting my DP from time to time

[Scribblegirl]

With PPs - nothing wrong with a regional accent, but incorrect pronunciation and grammar should be corrected. So long as he's doing it in a calm fashion I'm entirely with him.

[moomoo222]

It can be annoying but YABU, If he corrects it now he won't have to later (or less frequently anyway) as it'll be a learnt behaviour, kind of in the same category as learning manners IMO.

[Crispsheets]

It's lazy speech, not an accent.
I'm with your DH as well

[WellErrr]

YABU, your DH is not.

There's nothing snobby about wanting your children to speak correctly.

Do you expect them to do other things correctly in life? Is it snobby to expect them to write with correct grammar, or use good manners?

[ThenLaterWhenItGotDark]

What's a "proper" accent then? To those who think there is one?

The Queen?
Her children?
Celia Johnson?
Fiona Bruce?
Darcey Bussell?

5 people. 5 accents. If there is a proper one, (and I've not listed it) then 4 of these people are wrong, and the sky will in. Not.

[LouisvilleLlama]

Oh but also if he speaks too proper he'll get an earful from friends and other teenagers, so ideally he'll need to learn to adapt to the audience, which he might but around family he should feel comfortable in his speech

[acasualobserver]

An accent is fine - we all have them - but at least say the words properly.

This sums it up for me.

[pennygoodlife]

I'm all for correcting pronunciation and I do love an accent But I can't bear slang. As a northerner I keep telling my southern brood there's no R in bath!

[birdybirdywoofwoof]

I correct mine, they can speak how they like with their mates, but with me -and other grown ups- I don't want hard core Essex.

[5moreminutes]

It's good to be able to change register - it's important to be able to fit in with school friends and useful to be able to take the edge off a very strong accent and speak a bit more neutrally in other situations. Many, many people do this automatically.

So your DH correcting him for now, while he isn't annoyed by it, is fine IMO, as long as he knows where to draw the line and doesn't do it in front of friends who speak with the local accent or get cross or OTT about it.