AIBU to miss DS hospital appointment?

[Yawninghippo]

DS has 4 appointments over 2 days at GOSH every month, nothing life threatening if he misses a month as it's progress appointments for an ongoing condition, but he is meant to have them monthly. We're looking at at least a 12-18 more months of appointments.

We have to go up and stay the two nights and my eldest DD comes too as she is home educated. I usually fit in museum visits around appointments to supplement both educations. We're about 2 hours away ( start of journey to finish if there's not much faffing)

I had an early miscarriage this week and am just feeling so drained and burnt out by it all. I really don't feel up to the trip tomorrow, carrying all the necessary bags ( the kids have a rucksack each too) and herding them both through the station. Then the back and forth to the appointments and trying to keep them happy.

Would I be U to miss this one, regain some energy and enthusiasm and then start again next month?

Phone them and ask?

Can your partner not do the trip?

You need to talk to someone rather than just not turn up.

Sorry you are going through this, and hope you feel stronger soon.

Yanbu as long as you ring up and say you can't make it due to unforeseen events.

Hope your feeling better soon.

Of course you wouldn't. Could your DP take them? I wouldn't just not go though I would phone them.
Sorry for your loss

I would of course phone them to let them know we're not attending this month.

There's no one else who could (or would) do the trip.

I don't think you should go. I do think DS probably should unless there's really no-one else. Where's his father?

Could your partner ( if you have one) or someone else take your son to the appointment.

I'm sorry for your loss, take your time and hope you get the much needed rest

I'm not with his dad. His father has nothing to do with his medical or educational appointments through choice. ( DS has Down syndrome so has a few appointments throughout the year). It doesn't interest him and he has made a point of not relaying information any time ( when DS was younger) he did take him. Also because of the duration of time away he'd never do it as it would mean taking time off work, which he wouldn't do bar life or death and I'm not certain even then.

My partner also works and wouldn't be confident enough to handle DS solo in that situation. DS can be rather more hands on in a hospital!

Just ring and rearrange, they'll understand.

Phone them first thing and cancel. Or maybe you can cancel now by leaving a message on their voicemail service. You should be able to reschedule. One of my DC has regular appointments for an ongoing condition at a children's hospital - not GOSH - and it's straightforward to reschedule if you really can't make it. If you're available to take up anyone else's cancellation you might not have to wait too long either for a new appointment. I was once contacted by the hospital saying they had a cancellation and could we make it the next day, which we were able to.

All our appointments are booked in until April, so the next one isn't far away. Just feel like I'm letting everyone down. I'm not coping very well atm.

Contact them I'm sure they'll understand. It's not like it's an appointment for a life threatening illness. Don't be too hard on yourself I'm sure they'll be grateful you bothered to let them know.

Honestly I worked at gosh and you wouldn't believe the amount of people who just don't bother turning up! It's a non urgent appointment and they'll be fine to rearrange.

Your allowed not to cope very well at the moment. You had a horrible experience and must be physically as well as mentally drained. Just give GOSH a ring and cancel the appointments. I'm sorry for your loss. L

Thank you all so much, I think I just really needed to hear that it's ok for me to wobble from someone.

I have been through the same as you OP, this is one time where you can put yourself first without feeling guilty.

Give the hospital a ring & I'm sure they'll be fine about it.

Seeing as you haven't got anyone else to take him you have no choice but to put yourself first.

1 appointment will not make a huge difference.

Depending what the appointment envolves could your GP do some of the test if it's weight/height and do a diary just to fill in the gaps.

Of course yanbu as you said you'd phone and tell them. Your child's condition isn't urgently requiring attention and you're having a hard time yourself, put yourself first

Eve Unfortunately it all has to be done at GOSH as it's the closest one that has the specialist machine to track DS progress, it's quite a rare secondary condition he has so it's only treated in London and Manchester.

You are not letting anyone down. Missing one appointment is fine, it's important to take care of yourself right now.

I'm so sorry for your loss, OP.

Please reschedule/cancel and take care of yourself. I'm sure they'll understand.

Not only is it OK for you to put yourself first when you have a child with complex needs, it is crucial.

I failed to understand that for 10 years or longer - and am paying the price for it now.

Perhaps some of the regular things (height, weight, vitals, even blood tests) can be overseen by your GP or paed, otherwise, missing one month in the absence of anything concerning going on with DS is not going to harm anyone.

Is there a social worker on his multidisciplinary team? Perhaps it might be wise to connect with them. You have a full plate to begin with - home-ed for DD, and DS's needs. This added weight on your shoulders is not insignificant.

Wobbles, even tough, are important. Sometimes they are the only thing that encourage you to "check in" with you you are doing emotionally when you put so much of yourself into your family.

Please, take care of yourself.