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AIBU?

I don't want MIL staying the night!

143 replies

OMFGTwoToddlers · 15/10/2016 21:02

So it's DS's 3rd birthday and we have a day trip planned as a present, both sides of grandparents coming along too. MIL coincidentally gave us a brand new single quilt that she no longer needs last week and has just messaged DP asking if she can stay over on the couch the night before DS's birthday to turn a 3.5 hour road trip into a 1.5 hour road trip. Not premeditated at all
AIBU not to want MIL staying over the night before his birthday as I just want us to celebrate his birthday on our own for an hour before we meet up with everyone else at the event?
This woman let me live in her house free of charge for 6 months whilst I was pregnant, so I feel bad refusing. But tbh I couldn't think of anything worse than have her try & take over my home the way she does everything else! And if I allow it once she will expect it again. And again. Which I don't want...ever!

OP posts:

Report

OMFGTwoToddlers · 15/10/2016 22:03

Ok I'm an evil bitch sometimes you just need to hear it straight I guess! I will of course be pleasant and welcoming and just have a good secret cry when the day is over!

OP posts:

IzzyIsBusy · 15/10/2016 22:05

Ffs why cry???

Only1scoop · 15/10/2016 22:10

She let you live in her house for 6 months FOC....and you begrudge her one night on your SOFA? Ffs

MaQueen · 15/10/2016 22:11

Why cry, for goodness sake? You're coming across as rather immature and a bit silly, to be honest.

Your DS's birthday isn't about you. It's about making it a good day for him. And that means ensuring everything is harmonious and acting like a grown up.

RhiWrites · 15/10/2016 22:12

Yes, don't cry! Make French toast or something. Think of how she let you stay for 6 months and probably had your own annoying dude (we all do) and that this is just one day.

RhiWrites · 15/10/2016 22:13

*side - don't know where that dude came from!

ToadsforJustice · 15/10/2016 22:16

There is obviously more to this. Say no OP. She is trying to muscle in on your family time. It's better you say no now to avoid her thinking it's ok to stay over whenever she feels like it. (I suspect MIL never lets you forget about those six months.....).

mygorgeousmilo · 15/10/2016 22:19

Think of how much it would have cost you in rent in bills etc for six months.... think of that figure for a moment! Don't cry about her staying, you sound like an immature twit. Did she cry every day for the six months you were there? Talk about first world problems

MrEBear · 15/10/2016 22:20

Would it be an option for her to stay the night of his birthday rather than the night before? Therefore cutting her travel on the day and giving you and DH some time to yourselves in the morning.

I totally get where you are coming from. I wouldn't let the 6 mths thing lead to you always being guilt tripped into things.

JacquelineChan · 15/10/2016 22:23

You will be mil one day.
Mwahahahaha

redchick33 · 15/10/2016 22:23

Personally I absolutely hate the thought of someone coming into my home and judging me and the way I choose to bring up my children. My house my rules. I expect you treated your MIL respectfully whilst staying with her. Unfortunately she doesn't respect you or DH enough to do the same. Like you say if you allow her to stay once it will happen again, she's supplied bedding for god sake she has it all planned out.

Stick to your instincts and protect your home environment. Don't let anyone spoil the precious time you have with your children. Have faith that you know what's best for them X

EweAreHere · 15/10/2016 22:23

"I'll take that into consideration." A great response when she interferes, and then just carry on with what you're doing. Practice saying it.

Ohdearducks · 15/10/2016 22:28

The fact that you're going to cry about it makes me think there is something massive going on or has gone on and you've held back about it for some reason? What on earth can she have done that would make you want to cry at the thought of her sleeping on your couch? Is she secretly bullying you?

missm0use · 15/10/2016 22:33

YANBU - I would say no. It's family time not extended family time!

You aren't being a bitch at all! At no point have you said "MIL can never stay" just this one night! She's asking for a favour - it doesn't suit you so the answer is no.

Millimat · 15/10/2016 22:37

What does everyone mean by reverse?

MrEBear · 15/10/2016 22:38

Another option depending on the day actual birthday falls is to have a family day that day and invite GP's the following weekend. Would she be more than welcome that day?

You are entitled to protect you precious family time, you really only get a few chances of getting up on your childs birthday and being able to chill out (give it a couple of years and presents will be opened and left as you fly out the door to school). Having someone else there would bug me.

TaliDiNozzo · 15/10/2016 22:38

missm0use - in most families, a grandparents is not considered extended family (and neither should they be). They are close family.

IzzyIsBusy · 15/10/2016 22:41

What does everyone mean by reverse?

OP posts a scenario as the other person/victim/friend/reletive. When in fact the OP themselves are the one who has causeed the issue/is the victim/family member/friend.

FluffyFooFoo · 15/10/2016 22:46

What's a reverse?

IzzyIsBusy · 15/10/2016 22:47

See above or was my explantatiom crap

Millimat · 15/10/2016 22:48

Ah thank you. So some people suspect that op is actually the grandma?

SailingThroughTime · 15/10/2016 22:48

Tell your DH to have a word with her about not undermining both of your parenting decisions in future. She might find it easier coming from her own DC.
Your thinking is too black and white here OP.
The cry when she leaves comment is just daft. Sort it out. Like a grown up.

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ArcheryAnnie · 15/10/2016 22:49

All this nonsense about "family time". Your MiL is family.

Unless there's stuff you have yet to tell us, just give her your DS's room (which will make her much more containable - no contantly in the living room as sleeping on the sofa) and bring your DS in with you. Then you will have all the just-you-together time you want and you will still be being nice to your DS's grandma.

Duck90 · 15/10/2016 22:57

She let you live in her house for 6 months FOC....and you begrudge her one night on your SOFA?

The op was expecting her grandchild, Op was prob in sons room (with the son) I think that's what parents do, I wouldn't charge extra in that situation.

But I would give her a room for the night, in advance of the "event,

IzzyIsBusy · 15/10/2016 23:01

Ah thank you. So some people suspect that op is actually the grandma?

Yep

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