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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't want MIL staying the night!

143 replies

OMFGTwoToddlers · 15/10/2016 21:02

So it's DS's 3rd birthday and we have a day trip planned as a present, both sides of grandparents coming along too. MIL coincidentally gave us a brand new single quilt that she no longer needs last week and has just messaged DP asking if she can stay over on the couch the night before DS's birthday to turn a 3.5 hour road trip into a 1.5 hour road trip. Not premeditated at all Hmm
AIBU not to want MIL staying over the night before his birthday as I just want us to celebrate his birthday on our own for an hour before we meet up with everyone else at the event?
This woman let me live in her house free of charge for 6 months whilst I was pregnant, so I feel bad refusing. But tbh I couldn't think of anything worse than have her try & take over my home the way she does everything else! And if I allow it once she will expect it again. And again. Which I don't want...ever!

OP posts:
Lindy2 · 15/10/2016 21:12

You would be really unkind not to let her stay. Why on earth wouldn't you?

IzzyIsBusy · 15/10/2016 21:13

YABU.

Discopanda · 15/10/2016 21:14

YABU, she might 'take over' in the morning so you can have a lie in!

BoopTheSnoot · 15/10/2016 21:14

Is this for real?
Of course YABU. It's just one night, and it's not like she's never done you a favour. Let her stay over!

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 15/10/2016 21:15

You are being very unreasonable.

NerrSnerr · 15/10/2016 21:15

This has to be a reverse. Must be.

Original poster
OMFGTwoToddlers · 15/10/2016 21:15

Thanks all. I knew I was being unreasonable just needed to hear it out loud! I jut feel very judged whenever I'm around her, as she always seems to want to take over, tells us off for disciplining the children etc. We just don't get on and I can't stand for there to be that kind of tension on the morning of his birthday!

OP posts:
Ohdearducks · 15/10/2016 21:16

Yabvu unless she treated you like some pregnant Cinderella for six months than let the woman stay. Was the quilt thing really premeditated? Surely she could have just brought with her on the night rather than try and trap you in to agreeing with sneaky, manipulative quilt giving.

ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe · 15/10/2016 21:16

OK, he's three, take him in your bedroom early tomorrow so you can have your time together and the go downstairs.

All happy.

finova · 15/10/2016 21:16

Presents separately- I meant as you might do with stockings at Christmas, before downstairs for the rest. Don't lots of people do that at Christmas?

Gottagetmoving · 15/10/2016 21:16

YABU It's one bloody night ffs! She is family!

Ohdearducks · 15/10/2016 21:18

X post. Just don't rise to it on the morning, if she starts just politely tell her you'd appreciate her not undermining you in front of the kids and refuse to discuss further.

Bruce02 · 15/10/2016 21:19

So she is a pita. But you were able to put up with it for 6 months when it suited you?

I think asking people to travel 3.5 hours for a 3rd birthday, when there are other options (like staying at yours) is unreasonable too.

IzzyIsBusy · 15/10/2016 21:19

Drip drip drip.

OP. You dont want her there then say so.
You managed to coped for 6 months living rent free so maybe suck it up and cope again for one night.

GoofyTheHero · 15/10/2016 21:21

YABVVU. My IL's can be very very challenging, and are staying with us for 5 days over DD1's 3rd birthday. They live abroad, and would have stayed in a hotel, but we invited them to stay here as it's DD's birthday, they're her grandparents and she adores them.
It's one night. You stayed with them for 6 months. Suck it up.

Original poster
OMFGTwoToddlers · 15/10/2016 21:21

No reverse, it seems I'm just a mean bitch!! We don't get on that well as I find her quite judgey and she's always stopping us from telling the children off, contradicting us, telling us they're too young for shoes or to be potty trained, have hair cut etc etc

OP posts:
finova · 15/10/2016 21:22

What's with the drip drip drip?
If people wrote everything in their first post people wouldn't read it! You can't always include everything in an initial post.

Griphook · 15/10/2016 21:22

You sound quite selfish

GerdaLovesLili · 15/10/2016 21:22

You know YABU don't you? I think you're going to have to do it.

Griphook · 15/10/2016 21:23

Stand up to her, don't exclude her

PeggyMitchell123 · 15/10/2016 21:24

She can't be that bad, you lived with her for 6 months rent free. Hardly a hardship having her stay for one night is it.

StarBurger · 15/10/2016 21:24

Could you go out for breakfast without her? Leave some bits for her to have a nice continental breakfast and do something together as a family? Then she gets to stay and you get some alone time..

Or send her out for breakfast and have some time at home alone in the morning. If you explain why you want to I'm sure she would understand? --Maybe--

IzzyIsBusy · 15/10/2016 21:25

What's with the drip drip drip?
If people wrote everything in their first post people wouldn't read it! You can't always include everything in an initial post.

I think the fact OP thinks this of mil as she always seems to want to take over, tells us off for disciplining the children etc. We just don't get on and I can't stand for there to be that kind of tension on the morning of his birthday! is actually an important nugget of info that should have been in the OP.

NotYoda · 15/10/2016 21:27

If you really feel uncomfortable, offer to put her up in a hotel - Premier Inn for instance. You have the perfect excuse - her being uncomfortable on the sofa

SquinkiesRule · 15/10/2016 21:28

Not wanting her there one night does make you sound mean.
If she undermines you and says not to do this, that or the other, then stand up to her. She tells you not to tell a child off, put up your hand, stop her, and remind her that you are the parents, you will discipline as you see fit and it's not up for discussion. It will make future contact better once she knows she can't take over.