Who is being unreasonable re clashing parties?

[Birthdaypartiesareaminefield]

Girl A's birthday falls on a Saturday this year. She will be 13. She has been discussing this with her best friend, girl B, for many weeks and that she will be having a party and sleepover on that day. No formal invitations have been sent but it was a definite arrangement.

Girl B receives a invitation for another party on that day which finishes at 8pm. Mum of girl B has asked if girl B can come to girl A's party late so that she can attend both parties.

Mum of girl A is inclined to say no because girl B and mum of girl B knew girl A's party was on that date. Girl A would say yes because she really wants girl B there.

WWYD if you were mum A?

It's only a definately arrangement once parents have been spoken to and confirmed child will be attending. Saying child may not arrive a bit late is petty IMO

What is mum of girl A hoping to achieve by refusing to allow girl B to turn up at 8pm? Punish her daughter's best friend? Upset her own daughter in the process? It sounds petty.

She misses party but will make sleepover. That way gets to do both things. Bit rotten for DD who wants best friend there but she will have her other friends and still enjoy herself. Maybe need to get invites out sharp now before happens with others.

A should have sent invites out. I wouldn't be planning for my kids to attend a part where invites hadn't been issued

The OP is CLEARLY Mum A from the wording.

If they were younger (say 8) it would be a clear no because B would be missing nearly all the waking part of the party. In Y8 they'll be up until far later so she misses less.

Mum A can but it's actually fine.

Mum A should Just let her come later and next time send out a formal invite. Girl B doesn't psychically know when girl A's party is time wise. A sleepover could easily start at 7/8 for that age.

Also as a parent I never assume an arrangement like this is actually going ahead unless I hear from the parent with times as young teens are notorious for deciding things themselves without permission.

It's a sleepover, they're all going to be awake til 3pm anyway so makes no difference at all if girl B arrives late does it?

I agree with everyone else. Child B should be allowed to arrive late.
How many girls are sleeping over?

I'd let my dd decide and try not to be so weirdly hard arsed about this sort of thing I future.

there is a similar thread going on about party angst already - two is too much

Mum A, sounds narrow minded

If the sleepover is with her best friend then it's rude to go elsewhere and expect to tag along after as a second thought. Child seems to want her cake and eat it and not consider the feelings of the best friend and the plans they had made.

Girls A and B both sound a damn sight more mature than their mothers.

Mum A is unreasonable. A group of 13 year olds having a sleepover won't be going to bed until probably midnight so Girl B will have plenty of time at the party.

Well if Mum A said that to me as Mum B I wouldn't be encouraging daughter to cancel on the 2nd party.....mum A making it far more dramatic than it needs to be and should child B not be allowed to the sleepover I guess the only person Mum A would really upset is her child....pathetic really. Sounds like mum A is throwing her toys out of her pram.

My daughter is 1. This is the main reason I'm dreading her becoming school age: mums like Mum A.

I've been in Mum A's position several times and I've always let them come late. I don't see what the big deal is. I don't expect my child to be the only friend or commitment in other people's lives.

Girl could come late, it's no big deal!

Hang on though, all those people saying girl A should have issued formal invitations sooner... Once you get to a certain age (and yes, for us it was probably secondary school age) you don't do written invitations any more. I mean, my inlaws verbally invited me to a meal to celebrate FIL's birthday, should I have held out for a written invitation? If the verbal invitation was a definite, and the response a definite 'yes' then that should stand.

If I was girl A, I'd be miffed at girl B wanting to miss part of the party because another offer came up later. However I'm not girl A- if she's happy with it then I think she gets final say.

I can't understand how mum A is so involved in party arrangements

This isn't your decision to make , it's your 13 year olds decision

Relax !

Does the party girl B is going to before involve drink, drugs and rockabillies? Are you worried Girl B will be raucous and a bad influence?

Yes let her come later, what time was it starting anyway? The girl wants to come but she also wants to attend another party she has been invited to. Makes sense to me she comes to yours after the other has finished. After all she won't me missing much of a sleepover by coming at 8 will she?