Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

to be surprised at this level of snobbery?

46 replies

aforestgrewandgrew · 15/10/2016 10:47

I heard a colleague telling another all about her 5 year old DD's first school-friends birthday party.

She said "DD has this one friend, she loves her - she always runs up and cuddles her. But her mum's one of those Londsdale tracksuit types, you know. She says hi to me at school and I'm like errr hi " (looks down).

"I'm sooo pleased DD didn't ask for her to come to the party because then the mum would have had to come to my house! I'd have had to hide all my stuff!" - motions putting things away, then laughs. The joke in her laugh seemed to be the very idea that this woman might have been in her house.

WTAF?!!!

I can believe people believe such prejudices and think such nasty little thoughts in their heads. But to actually share these thoughts publicly is another level IMO. She seemed to assume that everyone would not only get her concerns but agree with her.

Please tell me this isn't normal? I've moved from an area where I was surrounded by my friends - lovely people from all walks of life - and so have probably cushioned from this kind of snobbery. Do lots of people really think like this in RL? i.e. that working class people who wear tracksuits must be trying to nick their stuff?

I'm in a mind to encourage a dress down Friday then come in, in a Londsdale tracksuit!

OP posts:

kissmethere · 15/10/2016 11:44

I once heard a woman tell her ds,
"Ok we've got daddy's scarf from Harvey Nicks, shall we get a taxi home or get on the bus for fun?"

SpringerS · 15/10/2016 11:46

Is there any possibility that that there was more to the conversation that you didn't overhear? My DS has a friend who's mum is actually a thief. I don't know if she has ever stolen from someone's house but she has been seen shoplifting, changing price tags in shops and even getting caught by security. She has a huge sense of entitlement and is always trying to get people to give her things and has borrowed things from me that I've never seen again. I have overheard her encourage her child to take things from playgroup and from my house and to kick off if he doesn't get his way.

I don't want her in my house but at the same time don't want to punish the child for her behaviour. As it is most other people we both know refuse to have her in their house, don't invite her child to their children's parties and don't go to her child's parties. I feel bad for the boy and invite him to my DS' parties and we accept invitations to his. So now she is trying to get me to host his party at my house because my house is bigger than her flat. Unfortunately her little boy is starting to become grabby and unpleasant and DS is starting to get wary of him. So I'm not sure their friendship will continue for too much longer and when it does end, I'll be very relieved tbh.

ScaredFuture99 · 15/10/2016 11:49

What AStreet said.
It's not a class issue. It's not being a snob.
It's just some people being arsehole.

Original poster

aforestgrewandgrew · 15/10/2016 11:49

SpringerS that sounds like a tough situation!

But no, I don't think so in this case. They were talking generally before - stuff like how are your DC etc. The woman mentioned it had just been her DD's birthday and then started talking about the party. There was no inference that the woman listening had ever hear of Londsdale-tracksuit-mum before. She told the story as a funny anecdote I think.

OP posts:

jayisforjessica · 15/10/2016 12:13

I am an avid reader of Captain Awkward, and she has a piece of all-purpose advice for situations like this where someone says something so outrageously unacceptable that you feel like you ought to say something, but you don't know what to say.

Say "Wooooow." Say it in a clear, loud enough to be heard voice, and keep the tone sort of flat and disappointed. It's apparently supposed to point out the unacceptability of the statement without being too confrontational?

Original poster

aforestgrewandgrew · 15/10/2016 12:29

kissmethere I'm not sure if that's definitely snobbery, is it? I might say something similar to my kids as they love the bus.

Although mine would be more like "Now I've got Daddy's scarf from TKMaxx shall we walk or get the bus for fun?"

Similar thing though - isn't it? Just because she shops at Harvey Nicks, doesn't necessarily mean she's looking down on the bus in any way, just recognising that her DC find it fun.

Or am I being too generous here?!

OP posts:

JellyBelli · 15/10/2016 12:31

There is no such thing as upward mobility. IDK why people are still surprised by that.

OutwiththeOutCrowd · 15/10/2016 12:38

Aforest I think you are going to have to be in charge of the Secret Santa at work this year and wangle it so that you get your colleague's name. Then you can buy a nice secondhand Lonsdale tracksuit from eBay to give her along with a little note saying 'I just thought this was very you '

kissmethere · 15/10/2016 12:38

Aforestgrewamdgrew, true not really an example of snobbery.
It just struck me when I heard it lol.

GreatBunchOfLads · 15/10/2016 12:50

I wouldn't have been so shocked if she was from an older generation (is that me being prejudiced?

Yes it is. Pot......kettle........

Themoreitsnowstiddlypom · 15/10/2016 12:51

Like you say op go in in a Lonsdale tracksuit and Nick her favourite pen, if she looks down at you, invite her on a stealing spree, if she refuses, nip her and Nick another pen!
Like your sense of humour about it, but yes there are some awful snobs out there it's shocking really how unaccepting some folk are!
I've met people ft all walks of live and on constantly surprised how my own initial views of people can change especially when is for the better. Sometime however it for the worst like if I meat someone I thought to be nice and they behaved like that!

sansXsouci · 15/10/2016 13:07

We live on the edge of a council estate and half the houses in our street are council houses, I invited one of Ds's friends to play when he was in reception. When she was collecting him she confessed that before she agreed to the play date she had driven down our street 'to check that our house wasn't one of the council houses'! I was too gobsmacked to say anything, I just sort of stuttered a bit - I wish I had said something...

sansXsouci · 15/10/2016 13:08

She = the friends mum!

ImissGrannyW · 15/10/2016 13:09

It's a horrible attitude. Love the idea of winding her up. Can't think of any suggestions, but hope you get some you can act on and then come back and tell us about it

TheNaze73 · 15/10/2016 13:09

Messing & goading snobs, should be an olympic sport.

Runny · 15/10/2016 13:36

As a teenager I worked in an estate agents. We'd often get people who'd go and look at properties and then when we'd chase them up, they'd say things like 'oh the house was lovely but it was just around the corner from a council estate'. I remember one bloke phoning up and ranting and raving at us that we'd mislead him because a house he'd been to view was just across the road from some housing association properties and we'd not told him.

People would ring up and ask us if such and such a property was near any council houses. Just appalling snobbery, and most of these people were nothing special themselves.

JoJoSM2 · 15/10/2016 13:45

Sounds pathetic. She probably thinks a lot about class and is anxious about where she fits in herself - clearly feels better is she talks another person down... I wouldn't find her a snob - just a bit insecure and annoying.

SheldonCRules · 15/10/2016 19:01

Wearing a tracksuit outside of the gym or sporting activity is a little strange but why it equates to stealing I'm unsure.

The council house thing and buying a house is more understandable. It's most people's biggest asset so you want to buy the nicest house in the best area possible. Council houses do affect resale value, much like buying a car with two seats or in the colour pink etc.

Electrolens · 15/10/2016 19:38

I was going to say that presumably this person is desperately insecure if she feels the need to put down people in public and horribly materialistic if that's the way she chooses to do so. Then I read fluffyballoon's post and was fuming that's outrageous!

I know hindsight is a wonderful thing but next time say 'sorry, I don't understand. Do you not like that family because the mom wears a tracksuit??' In a voice of incomprehension

LostCitiesofGold · 15/10/2016 19:46

Not really sheldonc I wear one to work because I frequently get covered in dirt. And it's a Lonsdale one too, I save my Adidas for best.

Thatwaslulu · 15/10/2016 19:53

Yuk. That's awful - when we first got married we were skint and clothes came from cheap shops for us so we could afford school trips for my stepson and nursery fees for my son. This poor mum could be in a tracksuit because she sees more value in providing opportunities for her family than dressing like a Sloane Ranger.

What an awful judgemental cow this colleague sounds. Mindo you, I overheard two colleagues discussing nannies the other day in our London office (a world away from anyone I know outside for work) and they were being really sneery about a third colleague whose nanny didn't live in because she had a husband who didn't work. I was staggered.

Flip

1 2