To only invited one twin

[AtSea1979]

DD has twins in her class that she's known since nursery. One of the twins is always mean to DD, the other is a close friend. DD is always invited to their party, as it's a joint one. AIBU to just invite one of the them to DD party?
If it was different age siblings in different classes it wouldn't be expected to invite both, does this work for twins?
It's not a whole class party or anything. DD can choose 5 class friends as it's all I can afford and she doesn't want this one twin to come. Should I discourage her from inviting either?

It gives a really bad message to your son if you tell him he has to invite someone who's mean to him to his party and it gives a bad message to the mean boy that he can do whatever he wants and still get invited.

My DS has twin friends and if one isn't invited to a party then the other doesn't go . I'm not sure why, I don't know if it's the parents saying that that's the way it happens or the boys aren't happy to go alone. It's a shame as they are separate classes so lots of parties are missed as they have different friends

Ok. I have 4 yr old DT's. I want them to be treated as individuals and realize they will miss out in play dates if people think they have to be invited together so will try and fix some individual ones with people I know well to set a precedent but I still dread the fall out when it happens !!! Currently we have a major meltdown if one gets a clean plate sticker at school and one doesn't........ no chance of separate classes as only 4 classes in entire primary school ! So yes I would do it but mum might be anxious or feel awkward but that's not of your doing or your problem !!

Invite the one she likes, why should she invite someone who is mean to her twin or not? If the Mum questions it tell her they don't get on so no invite.

I've got DTDs aged 4.5. We've just had the first instance of one being invited, the other not. I was a bit torn tbh, as, yes, we want them to be individuals, but when it actually happens you feel sort of rejected on their behalf! We just did a divide and conquer though and DP took one off for a special Daddy lunch while I took the other to the party. I think I might have appreciated it if the other Mum had texted or something to say it was happening, and even with an honest 'x doesn't get on as well with DTD2, is that ok?' Funnily enough, DTD2 had a lovely time, DTD1 at the party with me was just a bit subdued and kept asking when we were going home to see her sister . But this is probably just more grist to the mill in terms of the need to separate them a bit more...

I inadvertly did this when dd had her last party (nursery) I invited her friend not realising that she had a twin brother and a younger sibling who was also at nursery with them, I sort of knew there was a few of them but not sure how they all fitted in and I was working full time so rarely at drop off. I think it was fine, mum dropped the invitee off and we got a party invite for the next party

I am a twin and my sister and I had different friends with some overlap. Sometimes we were both invited to an event, sometimes only one of us. It was fine. Other pair of twins in our class were treated as as unit by their parents e.g. given a choice of sweets in the shop and wanted different ones were told to decide which they would have as must be the same, one got clothes dirty, both had to change so they were wearing the same. I'd say it's the parent that is affected not the twins.