Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

AIBU? Toys now before Christmas

48 replies

2babas2cats · 13/10/2016 19:12

My DD is 2 and my DS is 1. DDs birthday is early January so planning for Christmas and her birthday needs to be done a while in advance. I've been buying things and putting them away and today, she's come home with a Disney doll I bought for Christmas from her day of childcare with my inlaws. My DS also got a toy which we had planned to buy for his Christmas.

DD was unwell last week and in laws watched her. They took her shopping and bought her a doll then too. I understood she wasn't well but today was for no reason.

We have asked on numerous occasions that they don't buy toys especially in the run up to Christmas. I now have to take this doll back for a swap or keep it for a birthday gift for one of her friends. Me and DH work full time and have been planning ahead buying things for months which we've mentioned to in laws.

AIBU to be annoyed that they've bought presents today when we asked them not to? What do other families do? We're already finding it hard to decide what to get DS for Christmas as it is with him being young and playing with a lot of his sisters toys.

OP posts:

Original poster

2babas2cats · 13/10/2016 21:36

My parents were pushed out because before I had DS in laws were providing childcare 2 days and it seemed that every day she was getting something. My parents felt unable to buy things as it was too much for her.

We try to suggest ideas for Christmas and birthdays because we have 2 sets of grandparents and an uncle and auntie who want to all buy lovely gifts but generally it's met with disapproval if we give ideas or ask what they're thinking of buying. I just wouldn't want them ending up with loads of the same things and people having to take things back if we all had ideas before the date.

OP posts:

Amethyst81 · 13/10/2016 22:14

My parents do this and I really don't mind, we keep extra toys and clothes my mum is always buying them in my old room at their house . It sounds morbid but my parents won't be around for ever and they get a lot of enjoyment from buying gifts for my DDs so I let them get on with it. I wasn't close to my grandparents so I'm thankful that my parents care so much about my two. Could you keep extra toys at their house if space is an issue?

ImogenTubbs · 13/10/2016 22:19

Have you tried telling your ILs what you are buying for your DCs so they don't duplicate? I don't think you can really ask grandparents not to buy treats...

ample · 13/10/2016 22:25

It does happen.
Could you use the reciept and swap in store? I've done that when DD has received a gift of one I had already put away.

Agree it's annoying but it's hard to control. Especially with doting GP's who at times don't want to listen to rules
When your DC's get older, your IL's will wish they had curbed their shopping treats....toys and gadgets become much more expensive.

Elephantsonparade · 13/10/2016 22:42

I actually know what you mean OP regarding 'your mum feels pushed out.' before ds was born mil (who I do get along very well with!) gave me boxes of stuff she had bought, and once he was born it continued. My dm would say 'oh could I get him this or that' and I would say mil had already bought it. My dm has now taken to saying 'im getting him X and y for Christmas ok' just so she's in there first. I think part of her feeling bad is that mil is very well off and my dm isn't which obviously adds to the pushed out feeling and that ds will prefer mil because she can afford to spend loads. I did Broach it with mil though (we are close enough I can do this) and she has since really reigned it in. I know everyone is excited and love ds very much but it's nice for them all to be a bit calmer about it 😆 Sorry that was long!!!

Original poster

2babas2cats · 14/10/2016 06:35

We tell both sets of parents all the time to avoid this. It's like only one set actually take it on board!

OP posts:

Original poster

2babas2cats · 14/10/2016 06:40

I feel for your dm, it's tough! I totally get how everyone is excited but I feel everyone has to have their fair share to be excited. The excitement gets taken away from us because things get bought we've already purchased or my parents because they don't want to overwhelm with more toys.

I came from a family of 11 grandchildren so I am not familiar with being given so many toys. I don't want my kids to think they get something every day they're with my inlaws.

Neither of our parents struggle with money but I do feel my parents are more practical. They put money in the kids bank accounts plus give them clothes throughout the year. Of course they buy toys but very infrequently. they've already asked if they can buy a certain thing for my DD at Christmas so l know not to get her that.

OP posts:

derektheladyhamster · 14/10/2016 06:58

I felt exactly like you do about toys, my D's is now 16. And I actually welled up in m&s looking at a dinosaur book he would have loved at 2. I'm counting the days until I'm a grandma and can buy all the stuff, that tbh I couldn't afford when they were young.

It won't spoil Christmas I can promise you ( its only October!)

usernumber007 · 14/10/2016 07:07

I get it! My dc are all winter birthdays so I start planning Christmas and birthdays from august.
When you next see them make a big thing of "oh thank you so much for the doll, WE had bought her the exact same one for her birthday. Shame we have to take it back now and think of something else to get which is really hard when we both work full time." Just be really passive aggressive. Then joke if they keep buying gifts you have already got you will have to find alternative childcare because you can't get to Christmas Eve and have to redo all your shopping

buttercup15 · 14/10/2016 07:30

YANBU at all. Even if you hadn't already bought the doll for her for xmas (which is annoying enough anyway), as her parent it is your choice how she is brought up and part of that is regulating how many bits of plastic tat toys she has and brings in to your house. If you have explicitly told your MIL and FIL that you don't want her being bought expensive toys regularly then it is disrespectful and rude of them to ignore your wishes. As another poster said, if they wanted to treat her they could get her a pocket money toy or even do something like take her out for a hot chocolate. Or a special activity that they don't usually do like baking cakes (or equivalent).

I also think it is good to bring DCs up to understand that we do not have to prove to people how much we love them by buying them expensive presents. We show love by being kind and thoughtful in our everyday actions and helping each other and having fun and spending time together. If she gets consistently spoilt by them with such big presents all the time then at some point she might start to wonder why you or your DPs don't buy her things like that all the time too?

I agree it does also make it more difficult and expensive for you at xmas because if she is used to expensive presents all the time then in order to make a big deal of xmas you will need to spend even more and buy yet more stuff.

buttercup15 · 14/10/2016 07:41

(I'm sorry I'm on a roll now...)

I also don't get the need to 'treat' constantly. If it's regular then it's not a treat, it's just normal. So if it's one toy every few months then fine, it's a treat. But if it's a toy every week then that is just standard and she will come to expect it.

My nan used to give us a mini milkyway and a pack of opal fruits when we went over and my mum used to tell her off for spoiling us. She'd giggle and say 'that's what nans are for!' and I agree it's true to an extent. However, in this case where the treat is what sounds like a 20 quid toy every week I think it is way over the top.

Elephantsonparade · 14/10/2016 08:33

I also don't want my ds to expect something every time he goes to mil (unless it's a gingerbread man, a pound for his money box, making cakes etc!) and have told dh to warn his dm of that. If he ends up getting something every time I will end up being the bad guy by saying 'granny knows u shouldn't have a toy every week so that's why I'm putting it away till X time' in front of mil. However after I broached the subject with her I don't think it will be an issue. Luckily dh has no problem speaking to her about things either as they too get on well.

Elephantsonparade · 14/10/2016 08:36

I definitely think there is a balance between grandparents being able to 'treat' their grandchildren and completely spoiling them. When we went to my granny's as kids we were always excited as we knew we could make cookies (and eat the dough behind her back!)

NoFuchsGiven · 14/10/2016 08:36

I get it, the only thing my boys asked for for christmas was an x box one. Dp took them shopping last month and came back with, yep an x box one. Now I am stumped at what to get them for a main present.

TinyTear · 14/10/2016 08:43

Buy things like an experience (Frozen on Ice) or a magazine (we got an OKIDO subscription for my 4yo)

and sometimes they love the small things better...

but i understand, i'm lucky my parents are in a different country and have understood we have no space... i asked for a doll one year when they asked what to give and they gave us TWINS! i didn't need two blooming dolls... ok, now i have DD2 we have one each, but then i was going through miscarriages I had no idea i would have another child, why would we need two identical baby dolls???

Artandco · 14/10/2016 08:53

I think your shopping way too early.
Your children are two and one, they need maybe one gift and a stocking of little bits maximum at Christmas. You shouldn't need to be buying stuff all year around to spread cost. All those items are also why your home is already full of toys.

Save £10 a month in cash. By December that's £120. Plenty to buy a gift each per child, stocking each, and any other Xmas stuff

I would ask grandparents to also reduce buying though. It's too much

justgivemeamo · 14/10/2016 08:57

Op going against the grain here I know how you feel. You are putting time and effort into planning, it seems you perhaps are on a budget ad need to plan according buying in bits in advance. so yes its irritating when your plans are un done!

I think you need to simply explain properly to them that you need to budget and are short of cash and can they simply ask you first?

justgivemeamo · 14/10/2016 09:00

artcando have you been on the xmas threads ??

BTW op no damage will be done while they are young, but its good to get some ground rules in place now FOR LATER on.

we got DD then age 5 a kiddizoom camera as her main present one year from FC...bug fuss about how only FC could afford something like that - goes to GP and low and behold - oh another camera.

Cue DD looking a little deflated - as she had one - and had been just given it, cue GM looking deflated as her big flashy gift was not wanted.

They ask us now.

Artandco · 14/10/2016 09:14

Justt - no I haven't, because it's still October. But I can guess its Xmas lists longer than my weekly shopping

justgivemeamo · 14/10/2016 09:19

but generally it's met with disapproval if we give ideas or ask what they're thinking of buying

well you will have to be firmer with them or give away what they give if they wont listen.

Artcando - the xmas threads run all year and also explain why many people start buying for next xmas in the jan sales

HeCantBeSerious · 14/10/2016 09:36

That's great if you have disposable income. Everything goes through the roof starting in mid-November.

It's all half price or less from 26th December though. Move your Xmas to December 29th and you're quids in!

Original poster

2babas2cats · 14/10/2016 12:26

I'd be so annoyed if I'd planned to buy an Xbox and it was purchased before Christmas!

We're not on a budget but need to plan ahead with 2 kids in nursery 4 days a week. Bought DD the ELC kitchen for xmas the other week when it was half price and on 3 for 2 as it was a good offer.

OP posts:

HeCantBeSerious · 14/10/2016 12:44

My parents buy stuff (mostly from charity shops) every few weeks for my 2. They love spoiling them. I've said as long as they stay at their house I don't care. Their other grandparents buy them nothing, ever, so it all evens out.

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread