"In Laws" Paying For A Holiday

[user1476361900]

Hi there I'm looking for advice on how to handle a situation.

I'm divorced in my 40's and have 2 young boys. My partner is the same age and she has 2 young girls,. Weve been together approx. 2.5 years and have our own houses.

6 months ago my Mum and Dad (77 &73)said they wanted to take me and my brother on a short 4night UK cruise to celebrate there 50th wedding anniversary in October 2016. My brother has a partner and they have 1 child together and she has one from a previous relationship . They live together and been a couple for 5 years.

The thing is my parents insisted that they wanted to foot the bill for the holiday for EVERYBODY included extended "family" members so that's 12 in total. My brother ,my partner and myself all told my parents we wanted to pay our own way but they were insistent.....NO! It was something they really wanted to do for us all so we ended up going along with their wishes and it was booked.

Fast forward 6 months to present day and its 2 weeks before departure. My partner is now feeling really uncomfortable about my parents paying for her and her girls and she is insisting I speak to them again and tell then she wants to pay. She is getting very agitated about it and is now threatening me that she wont go if she's not allowed to pay!

She only brought this up a few days ago and whilst I respect her view I don't feel it right to go back and introduce this scenario to Mum and Dad as they in my mind have already answered that question before. At the time of booking everyone accepted Mum and Dad wanted to pay as it was important to them so I feel weve made our choice and we should all stick with it.

I did tell my partner that if it bothered her that much why doesn't she use the money to buy us a short break with Mum Dad and all our kids in the future as a thankyou etc etc but that didn't go down too well. By the way my partner and parents get on great so there are no issues there.

Ive told her I don't feel comfortable about asking / bothering my parents about this so close to the trip and it should be about what THEY want and not what you want to happen. Also do elderly parents tend to change there principals and there decisions on matters so easily....im not so sure.

Am I handling this wrong? its caused a bit of a fall out now.

Thanks

On a cruise the onboard charges will be massive. Your partner can pay their stateroom on board bill (can just do it they dont need to know) or add a room credit in advance for them. Or add a drinks package for everyone etc O pay for the day trips? Lots of ways to contribute without it being awkward.

I wonder if this is the first time she's had people be genuinely and altrusitically kind to her? That would take a bit of getting used to, in my book.

*altruistically !

she sounds either a controlling nightmare, or someone who is going to leave you and is feeling guilty. neither are great. its too late now to back out without losing all the money, surely? fair enough, she doesnt want to go or wants to pay her own way, but the time of booking was the time to make that final decision. threatening not to go now is not the right time. i'd just.take the cash she is offering and give it to your p

...parents without further drama if possible, but it would make me think twice about the relationship

Oh dear, agree that it sounds to me like she is doubting the longevity of the relationship. How serious do you see this relationship? Is it possible she could see it nearing its end?

Cancelling now will mean the money is wasted anyway. If she wants to cancel let her but she does need to refund your parents. Your relationship may be coming to an end.