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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think a five year old should be responsible for their belongings?!!

56 replies

mumhas1syllable · 13/10/2016 10:35

IE: quite simply taking their book bag and coat to the car in the morning and when I pick them up??
side note: long time lurker, first time poster - go easy on me MN's (wink)

OP posts:

flippinada · 13/10/2016 11:13

I do sympathise. I'm a working single parent and with the best will in the world, my DC (nearly 12) still forgets things. It can drive you potty sometimes.

JustCallMeKate · 13/10/2016 11:14

They're still very little at 5. I can have my class of 25 x 4/5 year olds lined up to go home and they all have book bags, bags, jackets etc with them. I can guarantee when I've got them all out the door I go back into the class and there's book bags, cardigans, jumpers etc forgotten from literally minutes before. I agree with other posters put bags etc in the car at night. I used to have to get 4 ready for school and it was run like a military operation between DH and I to get out the door on time.

Backingvocals · 13/10/2016 11:14

OP I think you are confusing your RiverTams with your Kr1stinas

Love the idea of just sleeping in the car overnight...I've read about people making their kids sleep in their uniform in order to manage morning chaos. This is a good way of taking it to the next level.

And yes I think you are being a little unreasonable. Five year olds are basically stable toddlers. My seven year old can just about manage his book bag, if prompted. I'm also a single parent working FT so I expect a lot of the DCs. I think it's good for them but you also have to be realistic about their cognitive abilities

Original poster

mumhas1syllable · 13/10/2016 11:18

bastardgodarkly ooooh I'm flicking between screens lol and meant the user above with the head tilt comment! ha ha. Pppffttt first time posting, typing wrong names, causing rows and being sassy... I need to go back to dwelling on frustrations alone!!!! ha ha ha. Thanks for pointing it out though - I need COFFEE. Also, how do I actually tag other MN's when I want to respond? You can tell I'm new to this....

OP posts:

gallicgirl · 13/10/2016 11:21

You don't tag as such but convention puts the name in bold by using asterisks either side.

Interesting point about cognitive ability. I probably do expect too much of my 5 year old simply because she has motor control and talks coherently. I could do with guide as to what's realistic to expect.

Seeline · 13/10/2016 11:22

My 13yo DS is quite capable of vaulting his PE kit bag left on the front doormat so that he doesn't forget it on his way out to catch the train in the morning. I think you are possibly expecting too much of a 5yo.
That said DD usually remembered most of her stuff at the age of 3.... They're all different.

Mischa123 · 13/10/2016 11:23

My 6 year old is responsible for getting her stuff together, book bag and swimming kit/gym stuff/other after school stuff. I may remind her but I think she needs to start learning to take some responsibility. Oh and she carries them into school herself, she likes the responsibility of being a big girl

Original poster

mumhas1syllable · 13/10/2016 11:23

ha ha BackingVocals! I may try this.

OP posts:

BastardGoDarkly · 13/10/2016 11:23

No problem :) thought you'd got mixed up somewhere. MN is really good at pointing out where you've fucked up

Buster5187 · 13/10/2016 11:25

I think it's not unreasonable to encourage her to do that herself. My DS barely remembers anything without me prompting, but I still say have you forgotten anything (always right near the door!)? But he does then carry them himself to the car / school. (PS it does drive me crazy the constant reminding!)

Original poster

mumhas1syllable · 13/10/2016 11:28

thanks gallicgirl - see what I did there?! lol

OP posts:

Dontpanicpyke · 13/10/2016 11:31

To a 'returned to live at home saving for a house deposit 24 year old old'!

'Don't forget your lunch'

'Shit thanks mum'

maddiemookins16mum · 13/10/2016 11:32

Not to remember (at five), but I never carried DD's book bag etc, she wasn't a baby. She said to me once I should as all the mummies do 😧, I said there was nothing wrong with her hands. I used to see mums carrying three of four book bags and lunch boxes like their strapping 7 and 8 years olds were incapable of managing it. YANBU to think she can't manage a pretty simple task.

gillybeanz · 13/10/2016 11:33

YABU, it takes children years to learn, we have to teach them and can't expect them to think to do it themselves.
at this age remembering things isn't important to them and they don't see the value.
As pp have said you can still be teaching them how to be organised at 12.
Some people never get it.

Original poster

mumhas1syllable · 13/10/2016 11:35

ha ha ha ha dontpanicpyke

OP posts:

KondosSecretJunkRoom · 13/10/2016 11:36

My 13yo DS is quite capable of vaulting his PE kit bag left on the front doormat so that he doesn't forget it on his way out to catch the train in the morning.

Original poster

mumhas1syllable · 13/10/2016 11:38

gillybeanz she's pretty organised in general though for a small person. She can do the morning routine alone, remembers homework deadlines etc and of course, Never forgets a party! so I think the frustration stems from there. I just want her to remember to carry it to the car and possibly, not just throw it down beneath the peg when she gets home but to hang it up! LOL. The latter is definitely going to take more work ha ha.

OP posts:

myfriendnigel · 13/10/2016 11:42

My 9 and 10 years olds are useless. You wouldn't be unreasonable to encourage her to look after her own stuff-try and Instill that it in her early doors-but yabu to expect her to already I think.

BitOutOfPractice · 13/10/2016 11:43

Yanbu to think a 5yo should be responsible for their belongings.

YABU to expect them actually to be

In my experience you'll be playing the same broken record - have you got your lunch? Have guy got your book bag? - for many years to come

RiverTam · 13/10/2016 11:44

What's going on, have I missed something ? It's chaos on here, chaos I tell you.

lynniep · 13/10/2016 11:45

Yeah too young. BUT they should be carrying their own stuff.

I don't expect mine to remember and I do remind them in the morning (have you got your packed lunch? go to the kitchen and get it then. have you got your homework? go upstairs and get it. have you got your coat? its hanging up)
Its tedious but little by little my 9 year old is remembering this stuff himself. This morning however he only managed 2 out of 4 without prompting (but the football kit is a sneaky extra on a Thursday).

If we're out early in the morning, I will tell them the night before to put the homework in a bag.

Alternatively, a poster by the door with the checklist on it for them (me) to look at might be helpful
just y'know

COAT
BAG
LUNCH
HOMEWORK
READING BOOKS

GerdaLovesLili · 13/10/2016 11:56

This week Small Son (Yr3) has left two fleeces (the one that fits and last year's) two jerseys, and a raincoat at school. We have no idea where his second reading book is either (clue: it's not at home). I believe they will all turn up in the end, but it's so very tiring being his brain for him. (He's also completely failed to learn his spellings this week despite the same effort put in). It's a particularly bad week.

GerdaLovesLili · 13/10/2016 11:58

Oh, and the cover of his homework book was eaten by the rabbit, because he didn't remember how tall Evil Bunny is when he stands on his back legs to pinch things.

Allington · 13/10/2016 12:00

At the beginning of the year I wrote DD - then 8 - a list of 4 things she needs to check she has before we leave. I then prompted her to check the list 10 minutes before we left...

Now, in October, she usually remembers, and I usually don't have to prompt her. So there has been progress but at 5? Hahahahahahaaaaaaaaa......

SatsukiKusakabe · 13/10/2016 12:03

I think on some days it's perfectly possible, and on others....not so much

Patience, reminders, good routine, let's all hope they get there eventually!

My five year old struggles with his cloakroom routine, he will always forget either his water bottle, his lunch bag, or start walking in wearing his coat, luckily for him there is a taller person who follows him around everywhere quietly repeating "bottle" "bookbag" "coat" "bottle" "bottle" "bookbag". Some children do manage it every morning on their own these are alien invaders but they are not the majority thank god

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