Bit of background -
My brother got together with a girl 2.5 years ago, cheating on his then girlfriend before he had the courage to tell her that things were over. She fell pregnant about 1.5 years into the relationship and unfortunately miscarried (I was in my third trimester of pregnancy after a 5 year ttc journey when she lost the baby). Things between them have slowly turned sour and she finished things with him about a week and a half ago.
Our mum is severely disabled (a mix of things, but she has to be on a breathing machine several hours a day and use oxygen regularly). My dh is a night carer for her a few nights a week and because of things going on with dd I stay with him when he's not at home for the night. My brother hasn't been giving her chance to rest. He'll come down and wake her up in the middle of the night. Keep her from going for a sleep in the afternoon. Follow her around like a lost sheep and making her feel awkward for coming to say hello to me and dd.
The other night we were at my mum's and I was up after finishing dd's feed (it was about 3am), I went to the loo and when I came back to bed there was a message from my brother asking if mum was awake. I said no and sat up for about 45 minutes with him talking, just so it meant that he wouldn't wake mum up. He went quiet on me so I assumed that he had gone to sleep so I settled down myself. About half an hour later the house phone goes and it was my brother waking everyone (including dd) up in the process, because when the phone goes at that time you obviously assume the worst.
He's been saying things to mum like he doesn't want to see our dd as it reminds him of the baby that they lost, which I do understand and sympathise to an extent.
Today I was feeding dd and mum came through to the room where we were to say hello. He followed her and then all of a sudden walked off crying "it should be me doing that".
I'm getting more and more upset as he's making me feel like our dd isn't as important as his baby was. Yes I get that he's going through something horrible. But, why should I feel guilty for finally having the baby that we tried so long for when they were only together half the amount of time in total that we were actually trying for?
I'm worried that he's not giving mum chance to rest when she needs it the most (she gets really ill in autumn and winter). But whenever he's asked to let her get into bed to rest etc he gets stroppy. Won't let anyone say anything bad about his ex, even though she is treating him like rubbish. It's all about him and he's making everyone feel bad.
I don't know how long we're meant to let him carry on like this as things don't seem to be improving and the things he's saying and doing are becoming more and more hurtful.