Babies first Xmas

[DashofGlitter]

AIBU - to give everyone a list for presents for baby.

It's babies first Xmas and he will only be 20weeks and we've been pretty organised to get all the things he needs so far and we've got loads of clothes and more cuddly toys than toys r us! I would rather have things he's going to be using over the next year or so but don't want to be doubling up on stuff we already have. I don't want people to think I'm being rude but there are certain things me and his daddy want to buy for him if that makes sense ?

I'm surprised by the responses on here - my family always does wish lists (and gets annoyed if you don't have one). I suppose for family it depends what you normally do.

For friends I wouldn't suggest it unless they asked for ideas and then I'd say they could look at my amazon wish list if they'd like to.

Important to have items with a range of suitable budgets/costs on the list though.

i like lists, in my family we always ask the adults what the kids would like and then are free to choose to our taste also like for example - fluffy slippers, a jumper from one of 3 brands, pyjamas, etc, so we still get a choice, but it's things they want/need

I actually don't think it's that rude. We have a big family, people ask me what the kids would like for xmas and I'll have already compiled a wish list of all the crappy little bits and bobs they've asked me for over the year. Items from 50p up to about £20. I Lee the list going as much for myself to remember. I didn't realise this was considered rude.

I do Amazon Wish Lists for mine but as PP have said I put loads on there at all prices. I use it for both my reference (DC1 is the marketing man's dream and 'wants' every ad they see....) and for those who ask for suggestions. I wouldn't send it out unsolicited and often relatives ask for an idea but get something completely different which is fine too. By putting loads on there I agree there is an element of 'surprise' although my ILs ALWAYS email me the link of what they have bought .

We have stuffed animals coming out of our ears and with DC3 due at Christmas I am dreading more but how lucky are we that people want to treat our kids?!

I also far prefer it is someone sends me a similar list if I ask what their DC want...horses for courses as with all things parenting.

Also, sometimes you can get doubles. The amazon list means you can mark things as bought so we don't get 25 Pie Faces.

We always ask what everyone wants - much better to ask and get something useful and needed.

However, there's a big difference between people asking and you supplying suggestions and just giving people a gift list.

If you double up or get things you don't want them your local food bank would be able to direct you to somewhere that accepts toys

The sooner you get used to the idea of people giving you baby stuff you dislike/don't need, the better. It's going to happen. You smile, make some nice comment and say thank you. What you do with it after is up to you.

I agree though that wishlists are eminently sensible and logical. I have one for me, DH has one for him, both for birthdays and Christmas. I also prefer buying something for someone that they'll actually want and appreciate. But for some reason kids are an exception. From conversations, it seems to be because buying cute little outfits that get worn once, tops is just so much fun.

Don't do this. Horrible.

urgh!

Dear people, baby has everything he/she needs. Please donate to XXXX

I gave my DM a wish list last year for my xmas presents as every year she buys me £100 worth of junk that I never use and I end up giving about 90% of it away. The list had little things on it that I really needed and everything was dirt cheap. Crochet hooks/a cheapie nail varnish/hair bands etc.

She disregarded it and spent all her money on stuff she thought I'd like that again, I gave away. For this reason I always prefer a list. Better to give someone something they actually want than leave them with stuff they have to spend ages disposing of!

So far beyond reasonable you may as well be on another planet (both for being so rude and grabby but also to go so OTT for a child that won't even notice).

Yanbu op, I know people say suck ot up you will get things you wont/cant use or don't like. But I absolutely cant stand my house full of crap.

When I came him from a long hospital stay with new born dd there was just crap all over the house, I just felt suffocated and wanted to burn it all.

It's dd first birthday soon and ive asked for nothing, same for Christmas.

The posts on here cover most of the reasons we don't do Xmas!

Gosh we have always made Christmas lists and birthday lists. We have always been asked what is on the list and have also asked what is on the lists of other family members.

Fine if people ask.

But I do get annoyed when people ask what to get, you tell them all your brilliant ideas, all the things you were going to get DC, then they buy something completely different and DC don't get all the things you know they would have loved.

Dictating presents is rude, but then asking what to buy and buying something completely different is just annoying. If you don't plan on taking the advice, don't ask for it.

Rant over.

This year DC is getting play kitchen and food stuffs from me and everyone else can come up with their own bloody ideas.

YABU - its a gift for your baby chosen by the giver. It might not be good enough for you as it's a double, tacky, more clothes, not your style or something you wanted to buy yourself (the baby doesn't know who bought what!) but it would be incredibly grabby to give out a list of what you want that's useful.

Be prepared with suggestions for those that ask what you'd like, but say something like age 6-9 month clothes, or a play gym and let them choose the item/make/style themselves. Someone might choose something you'd never consider buying but might look great on, or might be your babies favourite toy. I disagree with pp who said give list to close family, close family are more likely to know what they'd like to give your dc than others.

Be gracious with every gift given, even if you don't like it.

I have a niece and my SIL makes buying for her incredibly painful, nothing I have ever bought is correct - "I was going to get her/her sister that for Xmas", "I looked at them and though they were too old for her" (Sylvanian familes for a 5yr old! ), "Do you have the receipt for that", "She doesn't like drawing" (her first Fashion Angel stencils which SIL later conceded were a huge hit). Although my niece loved most things as they were a change from the present styles her parents chose so I just gritted my teeth and continued.

ds(12)'s favourite cuddly toys is a soft spotty dog he got when he was 18 months off my db/SIL, he already had millions of cuddly toys, but this is the only one he still has.

There's nothing wrong with making a list and sharing it if someone asks what present they should get... the rude bit is when someone hasn't asked and you present them a list. I wouldn't be mortally offended but if I haven't specifically asked, maybe there's a reason like I've seen something i would like to gift! I sometimes ask and sometimes I like to choose. I've already bought some presents for children in the family this year so I would then feel a bit awkward if I got given a specific list without asking for it.
My son is nearly 4 now and I have gifts given on his 1st birthday that are still too old for him, I said thank you and just put them away and will give them when he's older.

I understand you are trying to be practical but it is rude, precious and entitled as hell.

If they ask, feel free to give pointers. Do not do a list.

I don't think it's rude, but understand where previous posters are coming from. I am the type of person who likes to give useful, needed or wanted gifts rather than take a stab in the dark and give something that requires the receiver to make a polite response.
Unfortunately my PIL are of the midset "quantity over quality" and in the past we have ended up with sacks of plastic tat for DC, and thoughtless, random items for myself and DH. MIL especially seems to have a set about of money that she wants to spend, and spends it without thinking about what she's actually buying IYSWIM.
Saying that, MIL has asked for suggestions for DC this year and we'll forward some on (but making it clear they aren't prescriptive). Last year we told everyone we were buying a wooden train set and we ended up curtailing a lot of the usual crap as PIL and SILs bought accessories to match (but ones they had chosen, not ones we had told them to get). I'd recommend doing something similar like setting a theme; so if you are buying one big present could you let people know and they could give suitable things to go with it?

some people get pleasure out of picking a gift for your baby - it'll likely be something their child or grand child liked, maybe it won't be appropriate but as long as someone isn't going to turn up with a £1000 pram you don't like, what does it matter? They'll feel a connection with your child everytime they see the gift, which is what you want to encourage, rather than just picking something you chose from a list.

It's rude, don't do it. Our baby will be 5 months old at Christmas time and I wouldn't dream of doing a list. If people ask for suggestions you could always mention something small.

Who are all these people who are going to buy loads of presents for a four month old baby?

Many people will only buy a token present, baby grow , socks etc. Just thinking about my and my friends with babies of similar ages on previous Christmas.

In fact as most people will buy a present for the new baby will they also then buy a Christmas present?

Also, your baby is what eight weeks old? This seems a very odd thing to be thinking about

I'm surprised by the responses on here! Of course a list is a good idea, I can't imagine you're just randomly going up to family members and demanding gifts, it's for people who ask if there's anything that baby needs. How is that grabby?

Myself, I do an Amazon list, and if someone asks I show it to them, explain what I've got myself already, and say if there's something they'd rather buy that's lovely. If they don't ask, and just buy something they've chosen, that's fine too.