To not invite DS' Dad to his birthday party

[Nursejackie1]

So me and DH have been separated for 3 months now. Finally got finances sorted fairly with mediation or so I thought.
I have been planning DS' birthday for last couple of weeks and asked if he would like to get his own present for DS or leave it to me and pay half towards the day out, cake and presents. He agreed to pay half and that he would give it to me just before DS birthday. So I have budgeted around this and surprise surprise now it is all booked and presents bought he's decided to inform me he cannot give me a penny which is going to leave me short for the rest of the month.
I do not want to spoil DS birthday so said ok, I will manage somehow don't worry about it I just want DS to enjoy his day. This set off a tirade about how he knows "there will be a price to pay in the future" and how he'd be able to afford to contribute if he didn't have to be "helping me" by paying what is actually just child maintenance. Everytime I think we are getting to something nearing amicable he starts something again.
Would you still invite him to the day out/present opening etc? I don't know what to do as I just want DS to have a lovely day but at the same time don't think "DH" deserves to be there and feel like as usual I'm being taken for a mug by him. Thanks!

Yabu. It is about your son not about you.shouldn't child maintenance be set at a level to include birthday presents and so on so you don't have to keep going cap in hand to your ex?

Every Christmas since I separated my ex dh has come in the morning for present opening and breakfast. I dont wAnt him there but I feel that for the kids to have their dad there makes it special for them.
I also think it must be nice for exdh to be a part of his children's Christmas morning.
Birthdays are a bit different because of school and work.
This is the first time for you so what you do this year will set the presedent for the future years.
I think your ds would have a nicer time with just you and him and then he can see his dad for a different day to celebrate his birthday. Your ds will get 2 birthday celebrations in future!

I agree it will set a precedent, what you do this year will be what your ex will expect going forward.

Therefore I would separate everything as of now. He is not interested in co-parenting, therefore for the sake of keeping everything simple for the children you do your thing, your ex can do what he sees fit.

Your DS will get used to having separate events with you and then with his father. In an ideal world your ex wouldn't be a twat, I'm sure you would all like to be together as a family. However as you aren't you should not have to then allow your ex to encroach on your life during special times.
It will eventually become to the norm for your son to have celebrations with you and separate ones with his father, the sooner you start it the quicker everyone gets used to it.

Don't invite him and I hope your son and you have a lovely day.

What fuzzywuzzy said

I'm sure his dad will want to hold his own party for his son

Sorry there's a missing from my post

You are not a family anymore, you are not stopping contact with his ds, so he can do something himself on contact day, or another day, you can celebrate separately, nothing wrong with that. He will keep taking the piss, and you will have this for years to come. I get the feeling he will ruin the day, noway.

It is dad that is ruining things, not op, op has been more than reasonable to the father. The father is unhappy because he has to support his child. It is not unreasonable for op to want dad to do his own thing, she is not stopping that.