To want to call out exBIL on his bullshit?

[FedupofbeingtoldIcantusemyname]

I feel I may well BU.

I know I should keep my nose out but I'm finding it very difficult.

ExBIL fucked off to the other side of the country after he and DSis broke up, he now hasn't seen his DC in almost a year and has gone on to have another baby with his current gf. The last time he saw his DC's was to tell them that gf was pregnant.

I'm sick of seeing all the updates of his and his gf's baby, with all their friends commenting as if he is fucking dad of the year, while his older DC's are basically treated like they don't exist.

I'm sick of him playing happy families with his baby, gf and her older kids from a PR.

I'm sick of his gf trying to be all 'nicey nicey' with my DN's, as if they are great pals when really they barely know her, while simultaneously doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to try and make her feckless bf take care of or even see his other DC's.

So wibu to start posting on every fucking photo or update they put on FB, not in an insulting or nasty way, just to remind him ever so fucking gently that actually, he has 3 kids not 1 and that the older ones who are no longer flavour of the month apparently are just as important and worthy of his time and attention as the younger one.

Or at least to insist suggest that DSis does?

I would be sorely tempted op not going to lie.

You know though that they will just block you but the satisfaction will be worth it.

Going forward I would advise your dsis to stop contacting the gf and her and her kids move on.

What a useless prat. Of course he will probably ditch the new family in a few years. Leopard and spots.

what an arsehole. does he pay CM?

Your interference will make things worse, IMO.

If he wanted to see his children, he'd see them.

Shaming him on FB is all well and good, but what if he decides to block the lot of you and the kids never hear from again, who do you think they'll blame?

As much as we all dislike it, he is their dad and always will be. No one will ever replace him. The dc's are old enough that they still remember him well, and they love and miss him. They ask about him all the time. You can't just tell them 'Well, I've given up trying to make him give a shit because he clearly doesn't'. All you can do is keeping trying

Well thats where I disagree actually. Of course hes their Dad and always will be - but its up to him to maintain a relationship with them, not your Dsis. Of course they love and miss him but in this situation they need to see the reality about their Dads lack on interest and contact, you and your sis cant protect them from this, no matter how much you want to avoid them getting hurt.

No he doesn't tofutti, not a penny in 3 years. He works for a few weeks then quits so its very difficult to do anything about it.

EOW contact won't work as he lives too far away and doesn't drive milky.

Ah right. He doesn't sound fab does he.

Yep. Worst bit is, he chose to move that far away, for no real reason other than he wanted to get away from his responsibilities. Presumably knowing that it would be difficult to maintain contact but he didn't give a shit. Arse.

Why shouldn't he be reminded that he has other children?

Walter

If he blocked and then chose to have no contact in future the kids would blame him. He is responsible for his own actions. Or lack of them in this case.

It's not up to the op or her sister to shoulder any responsibility for why this man does not see his children.

I really don't understand why, even if your sister 'has' to go through the girlfriend, this needs to be via Facebook. The woman has a phone doesn't she? A text is just as easy as an FB message - and comes without the upset of seeing pictures of the expression playing the perfect dad.

As for you, you don't need to be on his Facebook at all. Delete him and save yourself the anger.

For what seems a huge problem, the answers all seem to be a bit 6th form.

YABU, I can't see what it has to do with you. I'd block the bloke, he sounds vile to do that.

This is your Dsis battle, not yours.

Your poor dsis. The joint debt thing happened to me, they chase the easiest person that's generally the one still in the address or the one with morals who has contacted them or the one with the income.
Your generally jointly and severally liable.

I'd block them on Facebook or hide them, otherwise it's just a form of mental self harm every time you see it.

Yabu. His gf is being nice to the children when she sees them so why moan about her unless you're just moaning for the sake of it because she's his gf. It's up to him to sort out the children actually being there more, and not her responsibility at all.
As for the baby, none of this is the baby's fault. You say you're tempted to post a comment on one of his photos and updates of the baby... I really hope you wouldn't be tempted to comment on anything that his gf posts. I get the feeling you would tbh.

Because Cozy, as I said, she is just as bad. Well, not as bad but she's not a good person. She went along with a massive lie that her bf told DSis and their DC (which, incidentally, was that she and their unborn child were very seriously ill in hospital), so that her bf could stay with her instead of going to see his child he had not seen in 4 months, on his birthday. That's why I don't like her. Amongst other reasons. But I agree that it isn't her responsibility, as I said upthread.

She is nice to the children, the one or two times that she has met them. She and exBIL do send money in a card at Christmas and birthdays but I would rather they used it to make the trip and actually see them.

I did comment on one of the baby's pictures but nothing offensive or nasty, just to say that he looks like his siblings and put a picture of them. No one has access to BIL's FB page, the only contact anyone has with him is through her page as he has deleted everyone else. Dsis doesn't have her phone number.

It's not up to the op or her sister to shoulder any responsibility for why this man does not see his children.

I agree. Nor is it up to OP to be trying to force this issue.

FedUp you are way, way, WAY too involved in this.

How have you commented on a picture on FB if you're not friends with them??

I'm 'friends' with the gf.

Why??

I wouldn't entertain going through the gf if he doesn't want to sort access out then it would be his lost. I would make sure I would continue to case his arse for CSA

All your dsis should be pursuing is the bastards money for his kids.

anything else is up to him and him alone.

Nothing to do with the gf.