To be annoyed with OH that we lost rental property

[Andrewsgirl]

So have been looking for rental property for several months so can move in with OH and our children (from previous marriages). Struggled to find anything that's big enough and in the right location. Perfect one came up last Thursday but owners wouldn't rent to us until they had met us as they live next door and wanted to meet us in person. Anyway OH said he was too busy until tomorrow (6 days later) to go and meet them. I was worried we'd lose it and sure enough today they rented it to some one else. I am really upset as I know it's unlikely another one will come up and really not sure what will happen now, I guess my OH will move in to my rented house which is far from ideal location or size wise. We've ended up arguing about it and what's really upset me is the day we saw it he prioritised going out for lunch with his mate down the pub over going to meet the owners and get the rented property sorted. He says he couldn't have predicted this would happen as its been in the market a few months and not rented yet, but there was always a chance someone else would come along. He's got angry with me and said I'm just looking for someone to blame, and blaming him won't achieve anything. But I am angry with him that other things took priority. I know part of his commitment was work things but he has plenty of flexibility with work. I guess I'm angry with myself that I didn't do more to get him to go and see the property. I guess I'm also worried there's an underlying reason he didn't make time to go and see it ! AIBU for being angry that he didn't make the time to go and see the property owners for nearly a week?

Oysterbabe is right. Living next door to LL would be a bloody nightmare! Especially if you've got a big family who'll be noisy. You'd always be on edge.

Maybe your OH just doesn't realise how crazy the rental market is at the moment. Round here, any semi decent house will go within the day. Explain to him that you really need to be on top of things. There's a shortage of properties in this country.

OH knew that the right rental wouldn't come up again any time soon, he either wasn't sure about the property or he wasn't sure about moving in with me, otherwise he would have made it a priority. That's what my gut feeling was and still is, he's just made me feel like I'm being unreasonable to be annoyed with him!

He is being unreasonable and is gaslighting you.
Run

Your gut feeling was right. Listen to it.

One point up there you said you were cross with yourself for not making him go (heavily paraphrasing) - you know how stupid that is right?

Whether he didn't like the property/landlords living next door or just doesn't want to move in together isn't really relevant. What matters is that he didn't act like a decent human being & talk to you, he made weak excuses & is now trying to turn it around on you. Is that really the sort of man you want the live with? Let alone have your children live with in a blended family which is hard enough with two adults who do talk to each other about issues?

I wouldn't do it. No way.

Needabanner I do know that's stupid but you're right I am cross with not making him go!

I guess I need to listen my instincts!

Thanks

It really would have been shit living by the landlord. I've been there with the landlord in the flat below and he used to phone me to say he could hear the TV and could I turn it down. One day I came back to a note on the table saying he'd heard a tap dripping so came in to turn it off. He had CCTV in the communal hall which he watched all the time. Once my friend popped round with his dog and he was straight on the phone saying to get the dog out of the flat.
For my next rental I chose one where the landlord lived in Italy.

We lived in a house with the landlord next door. Every day he was there in the garden, weeding or washing my fucking Windows for me, I flashy him getting out the shower more than once hoping to frighten him off.
You'll find another one.

Living next to the landlord might have been crap, but if that was what scared him off, why did he not talk to you about it?

He just did not really want to move there for whatever reason

I'd think twice about letting him move in with you!

Right, I can sort of see this from both sides.

He saw a house that had been on the market for 2 months already and made a judgement that it would still be available in another 6 days. I know several people who would have thought the same TBH. Almost all men, admittedly. Not rushing to meet the owners that very same day doesn't necessarily mean he was delaying the process on purpose in the hope that someone else would beat him to it.

However, if he is that kind of person (laid back to the point of falling over), then you should carefully consider whether you can live with that. I couldn't. I know some absolutely lovely people like this, but share a home & children with one? No - it would drive me bananas!