To not pick dp up from work?

[PrunesforElla]

I am the only driver in our family and I'm a sahm to a toddler and teen stepchildren. My partner works full time but over 3 or 4 days a week, so long shifts.

She often hints to me for lifts home when no colleagues who live nearby can offer her a lift. She finishes work at 7.30pm, when I want to be getting into the bedtime routine for the toddler. Picking her up would obviously mean taking the toddler out too, either getting ready for bed first or pushing bedtime back until we return. I'm not keen to do this as it's roughly a 25 min round trip for me.

Partner can get a bus right outside the workplace, 10 mins after shift ends, a 15 min journey and then a 5 min walk home.

I used to sometimes do this pick up before we had the toddler as a 25 min journey isn't that big a deal. But now, the timing is really awkward so I try to refuse. I feel mean not doing it but do tell myself that a 15 min bus ride and 5 min walk is not that big a deal and many adults commute more, and more often than 3-4x per week.

DP never actually moans at me for not doing it but often moans about it taking 'ages' to get home and being shattered and sometimes phones up and puts on a 'poor me' voice about how long it's going to take to get home and how nice it would be to get home to see the toddler before bedtime.

Am I being a cow for not doing it? It tends to be approximately 2-3 times a week, depending on her other lift options.

I dream of a commute that short
Sorry if I'm confusing you with another poster but is she the one who does no household chores?

Partner can get a bus right outside the workplace, 10 mins after shift ends, a 15 min journey and then a 5 min walk home

This is it in a nutshell really, even if you had nothing to do at home. With a lift, your partner wouldn't be home much earlier anyway. It isn't by any stretch a long commute and by what you have mentioned, you are already compromising by doing the things you do do at home. YANBU.

*I'd do it but we often do things to make life easier for the other.

Given the only reason you don't have to work is because your partner does fetching them is not too much to ask really.*

But doing this for her makes life less easy for me so I don't think this is an appropriate argument for picking up. I drive her pretty much anywhere else, during days off etc. And I do have some income of my own, not from a job though, and that's what enables me to not work. I do agree to making life easier for each other, but only if it's working for both parties.

I wouldn't pick her up in those circumstances and if I was a colleague I'm doubtful I'd give her a lift either.

15 mins is nothing! I may be rather less that sympathetic about this as I have a 90 min commute each way.

Lorelai76

I think you are thinking of someone else, I don't think I've posted about that but I do do 95% of household chores, though she does outdoor/gardeny chores.

Ages to get home? I used to finish at 8 and it took me an hour on the tube. She has 15 minutes on a bus!

YANBU and she needs to stop guilt tripping you! It's lovely you did it before but no need to as its not that far and it's not fair on you or the small people X

7 and a half minutes you would save her.

It's not worth it for you and the DCs in terms of your disruption.

It takes me 2hrs to get home so, no, this isn't even what I would call a 'commute'. Have you tried not answering the phone because you're cooking dinner/putting the children to bed? Id be very tempted!

Sheldon the OP does work. She may not get a salary but she works looking after their DC, including 2 DC that aren't her own. That attitude really stinks.

If she cycled she'd be home in no time. This is not a commute. Getting the toddler to bed is vastly more important.

YANBU.

Tell her you look forward to seeing her when she gets home.

She's being stupid, it saves no time takes 20m in bus or takes you longer. Do you want to be out scaping ice off car de frosting it 10min job. Wrapping up toddler just so your 35m of work can save her home noooooo

You're not being unreasonable but it would be nice to pick her up on the odd occasion when you can (if the teen can watch the wee one, etc) as a nice way to surprise her after work. Irregular, nice when it happens, but not every time.

I have a hideous commute when I'm un the office & dh will pick me up (8-9) and drop me off (5am) at the station because if he didn't we'd never see each other. I don't expect it though, and would never ask him, but it is a really really nice way to start/end a commute.

Assess whether her claim that she is missing out on spending time with the toddler is fair. If picking her up does not save much time (10 mins) I don't understand why she said this? Why would she think 10 mins extra with the toddler is a good reason to be picked up? Are you slightly under-estimating how much time it would save her? If she often lost 30 mins with the toddler, then that could be a good reason to pick her up as time with children is really important.

Offer it in bad weather - could text later in the day if really bad weather is forecast.

I don't walk anywhere on my own in the dark. Is it a safe walk for her to do alone? That would be a reason in winter to pick up.

She often hints to me for lifts home when no colleagues who live nearby can offer her a lift.

I bet her colleagues love her. I agree with the poster above who said it isn't really a "commute".

Within 30 minutes of her work day ending, she is home. She doesn't need to be picked up.

You will be better off to tell her once that you will not be collecting her anymore. If she can't get a lift she should get the bus. Then you don't have to have the poor me phone calls or you can just say "OK, so you are getting the bus, you'll be home 15mins later, no problem. See you soon."