Partner driving me NUTS

[JaffaMomma18]

Ok, so yesterday when my partner came home from work he went straight for a shower and when he was out dressed and sat down I had asked him could you take out the bins to the front gate please because they are being collected in the morning and the time always differs some mornings they can collect them at 6 another might be after 7 and some mornings it mightn't be until 9 or 10. So always put them out the night before so we don't miss them anyway fast forward a few hours and he's dead asleep on the couch this is around 9 o clock so I woke him after came down from putting baby to bed and asked him to take them out he was really ratty and said YAAAA I won't forget, so fast foward another 2 hours and he's still dead asleep on the couch and iv asked him another 2 times to take the bins out, I finally end up losing the head and stamping upstairs to get my shoes and coat on as I'm in my pajamas to do it myself banging loudly going up the stairs in the hope he'd get up and do it no he's still asleep I shouted cussing and losing the head and ended up wheeling them out myself mumbling and ranting like a mad woman as I'm doing so. Finally done it and came in slammed the door went to bed and left him there on the couch. Take note I am 3 months pregnant also.!! This is the one and only thing I had asked him to do when he came home.! So AIBU?

It sounds like he was really tired, maybe he had a long day! It sounds like he got in around 6, sat on the couch and conked out. He's either really lazy or sleepy or anaemic lol.

sorry, YAB a little bit U

If it's his job then leave it to him. My OH doesn't do 50/50, but bins are firmly his job. I might say to him, once, that it's bin night. Beyond that I leave him alone, if he forgets / can't be bothered then he has to do a tip run, not my problem.

I usually put our bins out, and generally still did when pregnant too. Wheelie bins are so much easier that the old style dustbins.

DH does do it sometimes, but often isn't in until late and may still have work to do. I just do it, as it isn't worth getting all worked up about.

Spoil what evening? OP did all the housewifey stuff, put their child to bed and he slept on the sofa.

Unless this is one of those odd MN wormholes back to the 1950s when Man He Worked and Woman She Housewifed then he was lazy and needs to buck up!

Presumably op had been looking after the baby she mentioned on top of being pregnant (which for a lot of woman is hard going even at 3 months), putting the bins out is probably his job in which case he shouldn't have to be asked. Why does he get to fall asleep on the couch but op doesn't? Ok maybe she over reacted with the slamming etc. but I remember how exhausted, sick and pissed off I was when pregnant let alone with another wee one to look after.

I think you over reacted, you didn't need to remind him 3 times, or however many times you did, you could have reminded once and then left him to it and it being his problem if he has to go out at midnight or 6am to do it.

Not sure slamming doors and getting worked up about it has actually helped the situation.

I'm 6.5 months pregnant with twins and still easily put the bin out.... its on wheels, it's not like I'm having to carry it- so if that if a reason for not doing it then YABU.

However if it's your OH's one and only job and you do everything else then YANBU to be pissed.

More context needed!

Did you ask him about his day before going nuclear? That may have been more productive than slamming the doors

Did you ask him about his day before going nuclear? That may have been more productive than slamming the doors Did he open his mouth and explain he was knackered before opting out of any family input? That might have been more productive that simply going to sleep on the sofa...

Your being a little ott. Blame it on the hormones and move on.

Imagine if a bloke wrote this post, he'd be called abusive and been ripped to bits

The OP mentioned about putting the baby to bed so I am presuming that she has also been busy with the baby at other times.

As the OP says, this is all she asked of him, so I think this sounds like laziness from the partner. If this isn't a one off, then who can blame the OP for getting fed up. Not ideal to lose the plot obviously, but some people's behaviour would test the patience of a saint.

Try to calm down JaffaMomma. I don't know what you can do if you ask for help and he won't give it, but don't let it drive you to distraction and being a person you don't want to be.

edit sorry - to BE a person you don't want to be.

Usually his job the only job he was asked to do yesterday, and yes I was home all day with the baby as well as cleaned the house get the dinner and bring in firing coal blocks etc... also I am suffering with severe nausea and it gets a lot worse at night he knows this maybe so he was tired and maybe I did over react a little and shouldn't have been stomping but I also had fed changed and put the baby to bed and was also really tired, I'm sure one title job wouldn't have killed him and yes it kit have only took me the whole of 5 mins but it's HIS job. When he came home he was really moody I tried giving him a hug and a cuddle asked him what was wrong just shrugged me off and said He was tired, I do everything to make his life easier and less stress as possible as he does work hard which I really do appreciate. I had asked him before he laid down to take them out.

Imagine if a bloke wrote this post, he'd be called abusive and been ripped to bits Not this one... though I do agree that happens a lot.

You're being a bit OTT. 6 days after my c-section I had to put the bins out as DH was away with work. Sometimes he forgets, it's life, you just get on with it then talk about it. If he keeps doing it then fair enough, you have every right to be annoyed but as a one off it's best to let it go.

Maybe so that's his job the one and only job, I do everything else I am a very hard working person and not lazy in any way whatsoever, he doesn't have to do anything else when he comes home from work as it's all done dinner on the table for him clothes laid out for his shower. Seems to think just because he goes to work everyday no one else is allowed to be tired I mean I get up about half an hour after he leaves for work I have mostly been up several times in the Night with our son and yet I'm not allowed to be tired, I clean my house and hoover everyday because that's just the person I am try to have everything done for when he comes home so he can have his dinner and chill out with our son, still isn't enough one little job he's asked to do and he'd rather the argument instead of just doing it. In our house we live a certain way he does such and such and I do such and such that's the way we work

Usually his job the only job he was asked to do yesterday

Does he always wait to be given jobs, or is he able to show some initiative? Yes, on the face of it yabu, but not if it's yet another last straw scenario, the kind that I read about so often on this site.

If you are doing everything domestically and he can't be bothered with one token job, then you have major issues to address.

Yes he has to be asked to do most things I think maybe a handful of times he has taken the initiative and done something himself.! The way I look at things is il do this for him so he doesn't have to worry about it after he's been at work it would b nice if maybe he could do that every now and again for me, just feel a bit unappreciated. Also I have let it go as I'm not the type of person who would go days without speaking as i feel it isn't worth it and our relationship is worth more then ignoring each other.

He sounds a bit useless. You put out his clothes for him? It sounds more like a mother and child relationship. He is the surly teen. It isn't an equal relationship of teamwork and partnership. Unless you can both change then counselling may be a good idea.