To not bother making any effort with so called friends anymore?

[HappiestMrsChicken]

I have just had enough of being a good friend to people, and of being good enough when they want something, but then ending up being overlooked and unappreciated. I think from now on I'm not going to make any effort, or do anything nice for anyone. If people invite me to things and I'm free and want to go then I'll go but otherwise I think I'll keep myself to myself. I know it sounds harsh but I feel like it's all I can do as nothing is ever anything that I can challenge without looking silly, but it's hurtful all the same!

Tonight I phoned a friend for a chat to see how she is after recently splitting from her partner. We chatted for half an hour. I've supported her a lot since the split, both practically and emotionally. An hour later she did a facebook status tagging another friend in our group thanking her for phoning her and saying how lovely it was to chat to her. Not a mention of me!

Then another friend got married a couple of years ago. I'd always considered us to be 'best' friends as we've been good friends for over 20 years and again I've been supportive to her and always there for her. She picked the two other friends that we spend time with in a group to be her bridesmaids, and didn't even invite me to the wedding or the reception, just to the evening do!

And a third example; I had my 40th birthday last month. I often meet up with a group of 8 other friends. Only one of them remembered my birthday and got me a card. When one of the others turned 40 back in July the others arranged a collection for her, and a surprise meal out and generally made a fuss of her. I didn't even get a happy birthday from any of them except for the one that remembered. Don't get me wrong, I didn't want the moon on a stick but it would have been nice to have had a bit of an acknowledgement, given that they made such a fuss of the other friend when she turned 40.

Excellent decision. Cheers to you OP and a toast to better proper friends in the future that deserve you and you them x

A little rant as I thought this was probably an appropriate place to do so.

I was class rep for two years running, busting a gut, trying to organise our class for mums' nights out amongst other things. I gave it up this year.

I discovered today that some of the mums are trying to organise something for next month. Lo and behold I've been missed off the list.

I know it's a small thing but I spent so much time trying to accommodate and include everyone in the past that to be so forgettable is upsetting.

Yanbu to expect an equal friendship. BUT personally I would never expect a friend to know/remember my birthday unless I invited them to a party. I don't know all my friends' precise birthdays. Also the favebook thing does sound like it could be a mistake.

All 3 of your examples are REALLY bad, not just a little bit bad.
I agree, cut contact. You are worth so much more than this.
I have 5 close friends. Not one of them would do any of the 3 things you have listed.

I've become exactly the same op, I had two really close friends.
Then I had a situation I could of used some support in, and a little later, a milestone birthday.

Now I've one friend that I've stepped back from and another one I've cut out.
I read recently that you shouldn't make someone a priority when they treat you like an option. I think its most apt.

I can see it from both sides. Sometimes our intent is not how we're perceived at all. I like to organise and please people, one event I organised I got told I was bossy and controlling, purely because I'd tried to please a little of everyone's ideas, and not let anyone person get their own way with everything.

Sometimes it just takes a while to find those people that know us and we can be ourselves. It's taken a long time for me to find 2 really good friends. Quality over quantity. They pee me off sometimes but I try not to fester and let them know I'm unhappy and we resolve it. Being a grown up rather than an echo of playground behaviour which sadly for a lot of women is where their mentality stays.

I feel your pain OP. December last year, I texted a close friend (we generally saw each other every month or two for a catch up, although mostly it was me making the effort) to arrange to meet up. She said she was busy with Christmas, and had a family wedding coming up in January. Told me she would text when she had a free evening. I kid you not; I received that promised text LAST WEEK!! 10 months later?! I've decided to reply to her text this time next year. They're not real friends OP and just aren't worthy of your time and energy.

I have noticed that the people who get fussed over in a group of friends are often the ones who make others feel insecure or feel like they need to impress, hence the gushing comments aimed at those individuals. The assumption about nice reliable people like you is that you will always be there, so no effort is needed. It says a lot more about them than you.

So just ditch them. I've ditched a few former friends who made me feel insecure, worthless or guilty and never looked back.

You will feel better for it, OP.