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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think they could have had more imagination (baby name related)

70 replies

freemanbatch · 10/10/2016 21:37

Millions of names to choose from, nine months to think about it. baby is born and initially has no name. Hours later we're finally told the name and it turns out that first and second names are both middle names of cousins of the child.

After all that time and with all the options in the world could they not have managed something more imaginative? More new? More totally awesome and special for the new little person?

I know people can call their kids whatever they want but not giving the child any names of its own just feels really sad when it's really a very cute new person.

OP posts:
Original poster
freemanbatch · 10/10/2016 22:32

I don't really know if they're family names to be honest, I should probably find out as there's another baby of the same family due soon and I don't want to get my hopes up for new names only to have them dashed again Wink

To be clear I know it's unreasonable to be disappointed at not having new names to research really, I guess I'll have to spend my time working out logistics for travelling to go cuddle the little one which given the distance and time difference would probably be a better use of my time Grin

OP posts:
DeadGood · 10/10/2016 22:34

"I wouldn't even know my cousins' middle names."

This. Although I broadly agree that boring names are a bit yawn ... But I do find it crazy that people are so into new babies, and what their names are, and have Lott rituals, and get cross about being "made to wait" for the name announcement.

Dontpanicpyke · 10/10/2016 22:43

I think it's nice that you are so interested. I couldn't give a crap about other kids names. Smile

HerRoyalNotness · 10/10/2016 22:48

I have about 30 cousins and only know the middle name of one of them, as we have the same middle name. I don't think it's a big deal if cousins have names in common

MapMyMum · 10/10/2016 22:50

Omg get your head out your hole...

Kr1stina · 10/10/2016 22:58

Millions of names to choose from, nine months to think about it. baby is born and initially has no name

You do realise that's normal, right? Babies are not born with names .

Hours later we're finally told the name

Wow you had to wait for hours, that's terrible . That selfish mother had no right keeping you waiting so long. What could she have been doing with her time?

and it turns out that first and second names are both middle names of cousins of the child

Well how DARE THEY call their child names that you think are " unimaginative " and not " totally awesome and special "

not giving the child any names of its own just feels really sad when it's really a very cute new person

The child DOES have names of its own . The aunt / uncle didn't take out a patent on the name. And who feels sad when a healthy baby has been born into a loving family ?

You sound quite deranged and self obsessed. I Do hope you are not the grandparent of this child. If you're are, you need to give your head a wobble. Or better still, go for therapy because you are going to be the MIL from hell.

Your child and their spouse / partner are going to be on here soon complaining about you.

Seriously , get a grip .

MapMyMum · 10/10/2016 23:02

Are you sure they want you to visit and havent moved to a different time zone to get away?
Youre disappointed they havent provided you with a new name to research...? Seriously?

Northernlurker · 10/10/2016 23:03

Sorry op I don't believe that it isn't your kids names they've 'nicked'

KittensWithWeapons · 10/10/2016 23:04

YABU. I've got wonderful, close relationships with many of my cousins, and I honestly don't know their middle names off the top of my head.

My nephew has my Granda's name as his middle name. I've always been certain that if I have a son, he'll have Granda's name as his first name. Now if and when the time comes I'll run it by my sister, but I know she'll be fine with it. Middle names are almost never used.

KittensWithWeapons · 10/10/2016 23:07

Also, it's really not the duty of new parents to give you a name to research and an 'after birth announcement ritual' to engage in. That's a bit weird, to be honest.

Dogsmom · 10/10/2016 23:10

You'd hate me then, dd1 has the same FIRST name as dh's cousin.

We don't see much of her other than family events and there's 30 odd years in age between them but it never occurred to us that it would bother anyone.

zoemaguire · 10/10/2016 23:12

That is properly bonkers OP, sorry. Among my cousins' kids there are two sets of the same first name - you'd have a fit! Come to think of it, my own mother told me she thought it was a bit odd that our DS had the same name as my cousin's DS. We meet approximately every 10 years, if that, and I've never even met the child in question. Proprietorial feelings over names are just bizarre. Names are, er, reusable, that's sort of why they are recognisable as names in the first place. Are there really these parents out there saying 'here is our new little son James. He is so unique and special, there's never been and will never be another boy called James out there.'

ollieplimsoles · 10/10/2016 23:14

You sound lovely op, but I do get annoyed when people are so invested in what other people choose for their kids.

Liiinoo · 10/10/2016 23:32

This seems a tiny bit bat-shit-crazy to me. Should they have picked obscure names so you could have the fun of researching them?

DH and I both come from large Irish families. In my family every second person is called Noreen, Mary, John Joseph or Patrick James. In DHs family you cannot move for Francis/Frances and Eileens and Conors. God alone knows what the other middle names are. One night in a bar we tried to count up how many first cousins DH had. By the time we reached the 90 something mark we were all too drunk exhausted to carry on.

Duck90 · 10/10/2016 23:33

How odd! It's not the unveiling of a unique quirky shop name.

HeddaGarbled · 10/10/2016 23:43

I don't think you sound lovely at all, I think you sound really wierd.

  1. You appear to be miffed that you weren't told the new baby's name until "hours" after the birth. You think informing you of the baby's name should be the priority of the new parents at this time?
  1. You think the baby's name should be new and "totally awesome and special for the new little person"/"very cute new person". Or, maybe, just a name the parents liked for THEIR child?
  1. You are worried that when another baby is born you will have your "hopes dashed" when they choose a PERFECTLY NORMAL NAME WHICH THE PARENTS LIKE?
  1. You are going to distract yourself from the disappointment of not being able to research the new baby's name by researching the logistics of travelling to "cuddle the new little one".

It's a baby. It's not your baby. You haven't even met the baby. Your attitude is over sentimental and way over invested. Calm down, back off. It's not your place to judge the name or any other decision that the parents make. Visit if you are invited but don't make the visit about your need to cuddle the baby. Respect the parents, their needs and wishes at this major turning point in their lives. This is not about you.

TheCatsMother99 · 10/10/2016 23:47

YABVU, but you already know that.

You'd hate me and my family, and my DH's family too as first names of grandparents are recycled as middle names for both sets of families.

AppleMagic · 11/10/2016 01:22

I think cousin's middle names are fair game when naming.

katemess12 · 11/10/2016 01:31

I find family names in general boring and unimaginative, unless they're after someone close to you who has died.

Both my first and middle names are family names. Both fine names, but essentially boring and I don't like that I share a name with people I don't like.

But I couldn't care less what other people name THEIR children. My daughter is not named after anyone: we chose her first name because we liked it, and her middle is after a character from a book (although it's more after the author than the particular character).

The most recent baby in the family has two family names, although I believe the first name was just a coincidence: both a name they liked and a family name. It's a lovely name. He suits the name. It doesn't bother me at all that they chose family names.

Two of my little cousins share a middle name, as well. I think it's sweet for them (they're not siblings) as it's something that bonds them and the little one looks up to the bigger one.

RedBullBlood · 11/10/2016 01:36

It's a strange thing to get your knickers in a twist over.
My SIL (h's brother's wife) gave their dd the middle name Jane. Two years later I gave my dd the middle name Jane, after my loved grandmother. SIL was furious. Probably still is. JANE, ffs!

Moonpuddle · 11/10/2016 02:10

Meh, one of my DC is named after the neighbours dog and one is named after my Aunties cat. Grin

autumnboys · 11/10/2016 06:53

Ds1’s first name is his closest older cousin's middle name (my sister's child). DS2’s middle name is his closest younger male cousin's first name (my husband's brother's child) so in our family, you wbu, clearly.

Hope you can get a cuddle in soon. Grin

Witchend · 11/10/2016 07:24

I don't know the middle names of my cousins or my siblings children. I'm sure I was told them when they were born but I don't remember them.
The only cousin whose middle name I know is because it's such a ridiculous name. Dad thought he was being terribly funny.Hmm

Sniv · 11/10/2016 07:50

I don't know my cousin,s middle names, or their children's middle names. Come to think of it, I don't know any one of my family's middle names except my very closest. And I'm not planning on having a baby any time soon, but I certainly wouldn't be doing a family check to make sure the name I loved wasn't currently half heartedly in use as a never-spoken middle name.

NotCitrus · 11/10/2016 10:31

I know some of my cousins' middle names but most of them are my grandparents, great-gps, uncle or aunts names, so I'd expect them to come round in the next generation.

I did think it a bit odd when one baby wasn't named for about a month and then the parents finally announced he was having his two grandfathers' names. How long did it take to think of that!