to expect ds1's school to inform me when he has been beaten up

[Pebblemum]

Today, on my way to pick ds2 up from pre-school, I had a phone call from my neighbour informing me that my 9yr old ds1 had been beaten up on the way out of school and was waiting in the school office for me to pick him up. When i got to the school and was about to go get him i had another phone call from my neighbour telling me that the head teacher had just walked ds1 home and had left him with her with instructions to keep an eye on him as he had been hit behind his ear and may suffer dizziness or blurred vision as a result.
I was fuming by this point. The school should have phoned me as soon as the incident had happened, i always have my mobile with me and they know that so there is no excuse but to then walk him home and leave him next door If they had phoned first they would have known i was on my way to the school to pick ds2 up anyway. The fact that I had to find out what was going on from my neighbour has left me so angry with the school. What if my neighbour had been out, i was expecting ds1 to meet me outside the pre-school as usual but he wouldnt have been there and i would have been none the wiser.
Im also annoyed with the school as they know ds1 has been bullied for some time and yet they've done nothing. He has been to A&E 3 times within the past year with head injuries as a result of the bullying.
Surely expecting your children to be safe at school and well looked after isnt being unreasonable
Another thing i cant understand is that normally the school phone me if ds1 so much as falls over at school (which is stupid half the time) yet when he is beaten up they dont bother. I know it happened after classes had finished but it was still on school grounds and he was taken to the office by a parent who witnessed it so why didnt they think it important to phone me on this occassion

Thanks for all your messages.

I did send Ds1 to school today against my better judgement but he insisted on going, he is taking part in a dance festival shortly and didnt want to miss out on the practice. I tried to speak to the head teacher this morning to find out what exactly she was going to do about the bullying but she was unavailable, what a suprise!

I went past the school at dinnertime to check on ds1 and he seemed happy enough playing football with his friends and a teacher but then he had had strict instructions that at the first sign of trouble he was to inform a teacher and insist they phone me straight away.

I tried once again to get in touch with the head but whether she was avoiding me I dont know but she seems to have been very busy all day Anyway after school i asked ds if she had spoken to him about the incident at all and discovered that almost nothing had been done about it. All she did was get ds1 and the bully together and she apologised on behalf of the little shite, insisted they shook hands and that was that apart from making both of them sit in the community during breaktime which angered me. Why was ds1 being punished when he was the victim. It is obvious that the school couldnt give a damn about the welfare of the children in their care.

I have now got the addresses for the LEA and our local MP. It is obvious that the school arent going to tackle this problem so I now have to aim higher. If Im still not happy i will involve the media if that what it takes. So much for schools trying to stamp out bullying, ds1's seems to prefer burying its head in the sand. Im also still very annoyed that i had to find out what had happened through my neighbour and the fact that the Head teacher took it upon herself to walk him home and just left him without checking it was ok with us first so I will be making sure that is included in the letters too. Lets just hope we finally get somewhere.

Also include the fact that it was a head injury and no check were made by a health professional before the school off-loaded the poor boy onto (to the school) a complete stranger. Bloody disgusting.

The more I've thought about this today the angrier I'm getting. How dare the "Head" (how she has the nerve to call herself that ias beyond me!)punish your child. As you say, he's the innocent victim in all this. Insist on seeing her in the morning, if she still appears unavailable then tell her you'll be on to the local paper by lunchtime and follow it up. Bullying is so destructive to a child's health, both physically and mentally, the quicker it is stamped on the better, and thr last thing you need is a person in a position of power dragging theis heels and doing sod all. Good luck to ds1 in his dance festival, by the way

Sorry about the lousy spelling btw, but I'm angry and typing quick, and the two don't mix! Bloody bullies, i absolutely detest them!

pebble - stay strong. please continue trying to do the best for your boy, even if it gets messy. i know you wiill!

i think the head may have been trying to throw your boy and the 'little shit' together to have them in the same area as a punishment. not something i personally would have done, but then I'm not an educational professional pulling down a headteachers salary...

something i would not advise doing is contacting the nasty boys parents and trying to reach some common ground. it seems to me that this would be a complete and utter waste of time. there is also a possibility that any encounter between you and the parents of the bully could turn nasty. This child has learned this behaviour from somewhere and has been taught that it is acceptable. please don't try and sort this out yourself between you and the bullys parents.

Can you get clarification as to why your DS is having these seizures?

And then see a solicitor. Seriously, the school is beyond negligent to be allowing this to happen.

police - your kid has ben assaulted. i think you are being remiss if you dont. seriously - sorry but i do. i think the head not phoning you back and you waiting for a call is lax - i dont mean to be hurtful and not intending to be spiteful but i would have gone to school and insisted and the police would have been involved before now if this was the third time it happened.

its about time you kicked up some shit - this is your son every one is pissing about and leavinf to get assaulted repeatedly - it;s not on it;s really not on

Pleased put this all in writing now, the head cannot just avoid you like this. agree with custardo, edam etc.
poor you and poor ds. My son is 9 too and I'd be outraged in your position.

Dont worry I have no intention of even trying to get the other boys parents to see sense. We have tried it before because the boy lives in the next road to us and ds1 has had a few problems outside of school with this boy too (which the school were aware of) We ended up wasting our breathe, the parents weren't interested and if anything the dad seemed quite proud of his son. Ive even had a run in with the dad once or twice when ive confronted his son for throwing bricks and metal poles into our back garden while my ds2 (then 18months) was playing there. He was quick to give me a load of abuse but when dh went to sort it out the boys dad quickly grabbed his baby daughter so dh wouldnt hit him,not that he was planning to as that would have meant we stooped down to their level. But in my eyes that is a true bully, someone willing to dish it out to someone younger/weaker than themselves but turn chicken when confronted with someone their own size. I can see where the boy gets his mentality from and in a way i feel sorry for him, our children are praised for being good, the only way he gets his dads approval is by hurting others.

Pebble
There was an adult witness? Would the police take it any further in view of the fact that the problem has continued and been witnessed.

Also, I would use your son's recent ill health if it meant someone started sitting up and taking notice.

As my mum would say, you've tried the sugar, now it's time for the vinegar!!

Good God!

Get your son out of there! Home educate if you have to

You must call the police and report it!

Caligula - my ds is seeing a specialist on Monday about the seizures and hopefully we will get to the bottom of what is causing them. Im going to tell her about the head injuries he has had although they should be on his record anyway and if she feels they have, in any way, caused or aggravated the problem there will be hell to pay

Custardo - I got the police involved after the first assault, they took photos and statements but apart from a mild warning there was nothing they could do due to the boys age. They gave the boy a warning but told me that even if he did it again there was nothing they could do until he was 10. After that they didnt seem too fussed to follow it up, instead they left it to the school and even when i told them that nothing had been done they didnt seem to care. I felt as though they were treating me as a neurotic mum or a trouble maker. Thats why i have no faith in the police doing anything about this. If the boy had turned 10 already then i would have contacted them but as the boy is still 9 they wouldnt have done anything except give him another warning and im sure the boys dad would have given him another £5 as a reward

Luckily after the first incident I kept a note of anything major that happened and if damage was done i took photos, I also encouraged ds to keep a private diary and note down anything that had upset him. Also when things happen at school that result in an injury they have to log it in a book which is then signed by me when i collect ds1 so there is proof there of everything that has happened. There is also his medical records which will show how many trips to A&E he has made in the last year and what his injuries were. Hopefully all that put together will show a clear picture of what has been happening and if nothing is done by the LEA when faced with it all then I will know I will have to take it further

Do I assume that, as the head took your son to your neighbour after the last assault, you weren't given the opportunity to sign the book? Could that be why the head removed your ds from the school before you arrived?

Ffs withdraw him from that school immediately and homeschool while you look for a place elsewhere. You say you’re worried his education would suffer??! Yet he’s having seizures after repeated blows to the head?? YOU have a duty to protect him, you can’t just rely on the school/police to do it (clearly). At his age he could skip a couple of years of education and still get top grades (and I should know).

I think it’s incredibly irresponsible that you haven’t already pulled him out.

And for the record this is not “bullying” this is repeated assault. Involve police over and over and consider suing school / the ofher kids’ parents.

@Skysblue you realise this happened 12 years ago?

ZOMBIE

WTF!!! YANBU!

In the school I work in If a 9yo had been beaten up our first priority would be to get him to hospital especially if he'd been hit on the head. A staff member in emergencies like this usually takes the child to A&E and calls the parent to meet them there. We'd then inform the police. This is gross mismanagement on their part.

Wow I can't believe this is true! (I am NOT calling you a liar, I just can't believe the school acted like that!)
No advice, but your poor son.

Oops- old thread!

Sorry just realised it's a zombie thread! The OP's son will be 21 now 😱