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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect greedy ex to make provision?

37 replies

Hairyhat · 09/10/2016 13:30

The father of my 6 year old has just started (reluctantly through child maintenance options) to pay me minimum child maintenance. His job is high paid and he will get a good pension.
My problem is if he dies, before realising pension age (his lifestyle is very unhealthy) and while my child is still dependent, would his offspring be entitled to any of the pension?
Also, he will reach retirement age before our child is 16, will I still receive maintenance?
He never has the child overnight or contributes in any other way. Sees the child once per month for approx 2 hours. I have to drop off and collect.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hairyhat · 09/10/2016 20:27

Thank you for your useful advice. I have tried and been fobbed off to get an amicable arrangement where my ex boyfriend (we were never married) pays a minimum amount of child maintenance for the last 6 years. If I explained what he spends his considerable wage on it might out me but put it this way, it's a very selfish "hobby" that shows no consideration for us. I cannot afford to work full time as I have no family at all, live rurally and cannot afford 13 weeks of childcare during school holidays. I do however work very hard and try to earn as much as I can during school hours but my job is not set times either.
I don't mind that the money would go into trust, just that it would go to my child would be great. His horrible selfish, manipulative and abusive father owes him at least that much having dodged the CSA for the last 6 years.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hairyhat · 09/10/2016 20:30

And yes I have named a benificary in my pension for the lump sum in case I die during service. It will go to the very kind friend who has agreed to bring my child up in case the worst happens. Yes it's a conversation that needs to be had, however distasteful, especially when you have no family or adult next of kin yourself.

OP posts:
LemonSqueezy0 · 09/10/2016 21:10

Sorry HairyHat but if your ex survives you, wouldn't he get residency of your shared daughter?

Original poster
Hairyhat · 09/10/2016 21:14

No lemon. He would never get residency. He's an alcoholic. I've made provision for who inherits my house etc. Thanks for your help and concern.

OP posts:
reallyanotherone · 09/10/2016 21:21

No lemon. He would never get residency. He's an alcoholic. I've made provision for who inherits my house etc. Thanks for your help and concern.

Have you checked that legally? Are you sure he wouldn't get residency until he is proven unfit? I know my DH would automatically get his children as he is the other adult with PR. Anyone else would need to prove him unfit before they would be granted residency.

From the sounds of it though even if you are entitled to his pension, it isn't going to be very much. Look into getting life insurance for him- critical or life insurance. Then if anything does happen you know exactly what you'll get, that you'll definitely get it, and nothing he does can change that.

Original poster
Hairyhat · 09/10/2016 21:35

Are you saying that I can take out life insurance for him without his consent?

OP posts:
Original poster
Hairyhat · 09/10/2016 21:36

He certainly wouldn't try to get residency. It would interrupt his "lifestyle" far too much!

OP posts:
LemonSqueezy0 · 09/10/2016 21:36

As long as you've checked it out. Forewarned is forearmed as it were... I know SS are notoriously Pro placing children with their biological families where possible - which is usually understandable but on occasion I know it's unlikely and not in the best interests of the child(ren).. The insurance sounds like a good idea, might be worth looking into.

Lovewineandchocs · 09/10/2016 21:37

He wouldn't have PR if his name isn't on the birth certificate would he?

Original poster
Hairyhat · 09/10/2016 21:48

He's certainly not fit to be a parent. I'm ashamed that he's my child's father

OP posts:
Original poster
Hairyhat · 09/10/2016 22:29

Does PR = parental rights?
He definitely doesn't have any of those, officially. It is just me bending over backwards to let my child see it's father. I'm uncertain at times that this is a wise decision as he (father) is so unsuitable as a parent. Now. (Obviously at conception my view was different)

OP posts:
MyWineTime · 09/10/2016 23:32

I am a trustee for a child whose father died.
His pension was left to his mother and did not form part of his estate.
The rest of his estate went into Trust to be given to the child when they are 21.
His ex-wife wanted to claim against the estate to replace the maintenance that she had lost and she was advised by her solicitor that she didn't have a claim.
She can ask the Trust for money when she has a specific need.

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