Ds excluded from school for an accident, but his own bruises were never dealt with....

[isitmeorthem12]

Had another thread about DSs school but now it's another issue

Ds tells me from time to time x,y,z happens (throwing his cap around, or just general playground stuff) . I have a few children and it all seems relatively normal to me, I don't go charging into the school or whatever .

So, ds comes home win a nasty bruise on his leg and says X (head boy - mums head of the PTA too) had kicked him on purpose. Alongside some 11+ "confusion" where he was taken out of 11+ practise because the school assumed he wasn't taking it, whereas he was taking it but had never informed me that they took it in the school. This was the day before his exam and the whole class was laughing at him saying he wasn't good enough to take the exam.

Anyway, the head was waiting by the door on Friday for me and asked to see me. I went up and she said ds had done something very serious - he had blocked a younger boy (moved to the right as they moved to the left etc) and in the end the boys had bumped his head on the door frame (think he was coming out of the toilet ?) an accident form was completed as it was a "head injury" and Ds was asked not to return the next day as he "couldn't be trusted". I agreed to this (obviously messing around isn't good) but when I pointed out what has happened over the past few weeks to Ds she said it was "investigated". However they have never even spoke to my Ds about the bruise . They always deny all knowledge of anything I tell them (apparently they never knew he was sitting his 11+ despite me several times discussing it with them etc etc.)

Now I have a meeting tomorrow about my Ds "behaviour" when it was me who raised concerns about then telling him to clean up his own vomit one day, allowing my ex to have my email address etc.

And she keeps telling me how big a deal it is having to take time from her day to see me tomorrow morning , how another teacher had to leave their class etc.

I feel like they are trying to turn everything round on my Ds suddenly when the spotlight is on them - I had overheard the office staff apologising to someone who she had insulted via email (she had written something rude about the person and forgot to delete it before sending) so I realise now it's not just me, it's their whole attitude (they make sarky emails and calls to me).

Is the school BU? (Again !)

If they've given your ex your email address then they've broken the data protection act and can be fined for that. There's an ombudsman who deals with stuff like this, I'd be tempted to report them!

isit yes this sort of information is typically passed on if the school believes it to be the benefit of the student and their new setting.

It sounds as if they have a very low opinion of your son. I would ask myself 1. How accurate is their version of events? 2. If they are entirely incorrect, am I happy for him to be there with them every day? 3. If it is partly correct, what could I do to support the school to help my son with his behaviour?

I was feeling ok but now I've read about exclusions I'm angry again. The worst Ds has done at school is make silly noises in class and suddenly he was excluded for being some sort of predator - the way they described how the location (bathroom doorway) was "particularly concerning". I know that blocking someone's way is silly but Jesus, if this is in his record then that's just far too OTT. He had so many incidents leading up to this - being kicked, pushed into thorns etc that were ignored .

From their own behaviour policy

isitme is the head already I evolved and if so who is the next step up/ on floor shoes I would take it higher now, why wait. Of meeting was a day or two ago and the meeting was unsatisfactory then what will waiting do.

Bathrooms can be dangerous places because of sinks and other hard surfaces. Find out what she me and by something being worrying. The meeting sounds totally unhelpful to you and your son.

I really do not understand OP why you won't change schools. These people are bullies and should not be allowed near children.

Honestly, I think excluding a child because they won't let someone else out of the bathroom is fair enough, so I wouldn't pick that battle to fight.

Cleaning up own vomit... sounds bad but if he did deliberately make himself sick I think it's also fair enough. However, the forcing self to vomit is potentially concerning. Was it just messing around or is it worth talking to him about?

They should be taking seriously the accusation that the Head Boy kicked your DS.

The 11 plus situation... I can't really understand what went on from what you've said. You say that you had spoken to the school about DS taking it but also you didn't know DS was taking it in school? Is it possible there was a form to sign about him taking it that you never saw?

It does sound like they've got DS pegged as a trouble-maker and that they feel that you are not on board with their strategy for dealing with him. I'd imagine it's frustrating for teachers to try to implement discipline when parents say they are making a mountain out of a molehill over a little messing around etc. However, that doesn't mean that they are treating your DS fairly.

If you're going to continue at this school I'd try to engage more with them re getting your DS to behave and only push on the things that are genuinely unfair (missing out on 11 plus prep and being kicked without the offender being punished).

I do not know for sure bit making oneself sick sounds very hard to do.

I do agree to focusing on the most serious things.

Do not wait, ok, keep the pressure up and look for alternative school. If his school is this shit how much worse are alternatives.

Please also think about things that will build his self esteam:
Keeping him informed, age appropriately
Asking his opinion, not promising to do as he wishes but consulting him
Maybe a martial art class, taekeando is very empowering (I do it, very badly!)

Thinking of you.

Remove your son from this school. They sound awful and neither you nor your son will be happy there. Please think how dreadful your DS must feel being at a school where the head and whoever else clearly don't like him. The longer he is in that environment the worse he will feel - think of his mental health, and yours! They are not protecting him and not doing anything when he gets kicked by the Head Boy. Unfortunately, you will not win with the school.

They are bullying you and breaching the DPA. You can home educate him for this year and start afresh next year in secondary.

Can you omit your ex's details on the secondary school forms? It would curtail his vindictive behaviour via school, but will you be allowed?

isitme how are things going?

The government guide for (cyber)bullying is not updated for this period and there are many (updated) alternatives out there that I printed their photos..

1. www.wizcase.com/blog/a-comprehensive-cyberbullying-guide-for-parents/

1. cyberbully.org/a-parent-guide-to-cyber-bullying/

1. www.childnet.com/resources/cyberbullying-guidance-for-schools