to be angry with DH....

[Fedupd0tcom]

Hi. Today the DH is going out with a friend, our lo, his dm and dd and I'm not going. I'm too tired and dizzy for the 2hr drive as ystrday I drove for over 4hrs. He can't drive but his Mum will pick him up. Also the house is an absolute disgrace....as the last few weekends we've been at the in laws due to relatives visiting from abroad. I feel like I'm coming down with something and I have a hugely stressful meeting at work tomorrow with managers to discuss my future. I wouldn't mind but this 'friend' is stunning, he kissed her when he was 16 and they went to a prom together. My FIL made a speech on their wedding day and said how my dh and her were close growing up and my MIL goes on about how they went to the prom together growing up and were so gorgeous together. Also she's always moody around me and gets tetchy with me if I tell off my lo around her. I feel my dh should be at least a tiny bit apologetic he's going out for the day and leaving me to sort out (mostly his) mess. Or should stay and offer to help. We could even take our lo to the park after tidying on the one day we actually get together as a family...he works the rest of the time and he got a day off in the week when he got to see his Mum. I urged him last Sun that we have today just a day us 3. But I made the mistake of asking him to take our lo or for a bit so I could tidy the now unbearable tip....just to the local park....not far away with a weird 'friend'. Maybe I'm being stupid. Bet you'll all tell me it is. My lo is crying now and has gone but v much wanted to stay with me.

You are tired, poorly, stressed about your meeting tomorrow and what you really needed today was looking after - some tlc so that you feel recharged and ready to face tomorrow. But you didn't actually ask for that and, much as we might think they should just know, men are often weirdly unable to work this stuff out. I don't think it ever really helps to blame them afterwards for not knowing what was needed.
Do the bare minimum of tidying so that you feel a bit more in control & then snuggle up & relax. I don't think you are being unreasonable but I think you might as well just explain when he gets home that you are stressed about tomorrow and didn't mean to BU. Nothing will get better if you spend all evening in a bad mood with each other.
I completely understand the discomfort with attractive friend. This would make me give my DH a nice welcome home, not a grumpy one, to make sure I wasn't being compared unfavourably with Miss Charming. And I wouldn't feel like I was climbing down, just looking after my own interests. Put yourself first for the rest of the day, let the argument go as part of that. Good luck tomorrow.

Also he got mad I wouldn't go....started telling me I'm having a nervous breakdown....because i feel tired, achy and have chills...thanks dh, thanks. Not sorry you're ill....we'll go so you can rest and be back asap

I wouldn't phrase it like that with him.
It is very difficult to get angry with someone who is being calm and slow. As tempting as it may be, don't snap back at him if he makes a snide comment. Just say what you need to say, as neutrally as possible. This way, he has no excuse for getting angry and you can evaluate the situation much better.

Where's her DH in all this?

I'm not surprised you're uncomfortable with the daughter-in-law that never was swanning about the place. If she's such a catch, according to PILs, why isn't she out with her own family, instead of riding the coat tails of yours?

I agree this is a conversation for another day. Maybe if she wasn't going today you wouldn't feel so down about it.

Also, unless it's a medical or financial reason, why doesn't your dh drive? I know it's not a law of nature that adults should drive, but if you're married with a child it puts a lot more strain on you as the only driver.

Definitely don't do any housework. Only do what needs doing for you, especially in relation to tomorrow. Even allowing for all this "men don't pick up on things like women do", he knew you were feeling unwell, tired, stressed and have justified anxiety about tomorrow. He put his needs first. End of. If the friend wasn't going would you have felt more able to say please stay here, or are you worried about looking jealous?

For what it's worth YNBU to feel this way about her. I've never had any time for these characters who insinuate themselves into peoples lives/families as the one who got away. If she's such a catch she should have been caught!!

Thanks everyone for being supportive and helping me gain perspective. My PILs don't seem that keen on her DH....he has random political views and can be unreliable. But he's a friendly, kind and easygoing dude and treats us like family. I'm not sure if he's come out today or not. Her own family live far away and she hardly sees them.